August 11, 2007
Hero Returns Home
Hero Returns Home 
(Monday, Aug. 06)
PAMPA — A hero is coming home to Pampa, decades after the military declared him dead.
Memorial services for Air Force Lt. Col. James Henry Ayres were at 2 p.m. today at First Christian Church in Pampa.
Ayres, 33 at the time of his death, will receive a funeral with full military honors, including a color guard and a flyover by four F-16 jets.
He and Lt. Col. Charles W. Stratton of Dallas were in a F-4E Phantom II fighter aircraft that went down on Jan. 3, 1971, during a bombing mission over Laos.
He was declared dead in 1974. Recent DNA testing determined human remains unearthed in the last five years were those of Ayres. — Amarillo Globe-News
August 10, 2007
Horse Laughs
I had been driving for a couple of hours and had consumed about two liters of water. Do I need to draw you a picture? Something had to be done. Quickly.
I went down a deserted road on the outskirts of town and pulled off behind a small stand of mesquite trees and got out. I had no more got started when I heard a deep voice say:
"Y'know, if you were in the city limits that'd be indecent exposure, I'm only eight years old...yuk yuk yuk."
I turned around and saw THIS!
Frightened, I staggered backwards against my truck.
"Better zip 'er up there, Wilbur." said the horse with an insultive nicker.
"Uh, wasn't quite done here, pal." I retorted.
Quicker than you could flick your tail came the rejoinder:
"Potty blush?" smirked the wise-cracking horse.
"OK Bashful...I'll turn my head, water that yucca while yer at it."
We chatted a while, then I told him I wanted to take some photos of him for my friend Barb who loves horses. He agreed, but then did some bad accents "N' Ham-shya", some snide cracks about Yankee liberals being the real horse's as...well, let's just say he was smarmy. Totally uncalled for.
He then started out on some darned life history thing, frankly it was quite boring and really unbelieveable, some blathering boasts about "Apaloosa/Arabian blood", quarterhorse this, quarterhorse that and some BS about a great great great grandfather coming in second at the Preakness, but you know... I've heard it all on the 'net, and besides, I know how Texans are about braggin', especially when he started talkin' smack about being bigger/ better/stronger/faster and much much prettier than Trigger or Silver.
I asked him if he was that rare Polka-Dot breed but he ignored me.
"Say," asked the horse. "Heard any good horse jokes lately?"
I'm clever and quick-witted, too.
"Well..."I said "A horse walks into a bar..."
" 'Why the long face?' " came the rude interruption.
He kept rubbin' it in:
" Yeah, first time I heard THAT one I was a colt, sheesh."
He snickered and stuck out his tongue. Like I said, rude.
"Heard this one?" he asked.
"A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, 'I had to walk home.' "
"No." I told him "Wished the hell I hadn't heard it, either."
Nonplussed and with a few shakes of his ears and a swish of his tail to shoo the flies, he went on in rapid fire:
What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
*****
What did one horse say to the other horse?
The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.
*****
What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on?
A horse, of course!
*****
How many horses have three legs?
They all do!
*****
What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
All breeds. Houses don't jump.
*****
A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd. How is this possible?
His horse's name was June 3rd.
*****
How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
Start with a large fortune.
*****
What animal has more "hands" than feet?
Why, a horse, of course!
*****
What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A tale of WHOA!
*****
How long should a horse's legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground.
*****
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
*****
Where do horses stay in a hotel?
In the bridle suite.
*****
What did the waiter say to the horse?
I can't take your order. That's not my stable.
*****
What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
Use the Pony Express.
Seriously, they weren't all that funny to ME, but he sure was laughin' at his own dumb jokes.
"Henny Youngman you ain't." I snorted.
I kept on the attack.
"What's with the peculiar laugh? Or is that your 'braying jackass' imitation?"
"Keep your day job." I advised.
And once again, he was rude.
Sorry, but I just don't get that sort of comedy.
I went down a deserted road on the outskirts of town and pulled off behind a small stand of mesquite trees and got out. I had no more got started when I heard a deep voice say:
"Y'know, if you were in the city limits that'd be indecent exposure, I'm only eight years old...yuk yuk yuk."
I turned around and saw THIS!
Frightened, I staggered backwards against my truck.
"Better zip 'er up there, Wilbur." said the horse with an insultive nicker.
"Uh, wasn't quite done here, pal." I retorted.
Quicker than you could flick your tail came the rejoinder:
"Potty blush?" smirked the wise-cracking horse.
"OK Bashful...I'll turn my head, water that yucca while yer at it."
We chatted a while, then I told him I wanted to take some photos of him for my friend Barb who loves horses. He agreed, but then did some bad accents "N' Ham-shya", some snide cracks about Yankee liberals being the real horse's as...well, let's just say he was smarmy. Totally uncalled for.
He then started out on some darned life history thing, frankly it was quite boring and really unbelieveable, some blathering boasts about "Apaloosa/Arabian blood", quarterhorse this, quarterhorse that and some BS about a great great great grandfather coming in second at the Preakness, but you know... I've heard it all on the 'net, and besides, I know how Texans are about braggin', especially when he started talkin' smack about being bigger/ better/stronger/faster and much much prettier than Trigger or Silver.
I asked him if he was that rare Polka-Dot breed but he ignored me.
"Say," asked the horse. "Heard any good horse jokes lately?"
I'm clever and quick-witted, too.
"Well..."I said "A horse walks into a bar..."
" 'Why the long face?' " came the rude interruption.
He kept rubbin' it in:
" Yeah, first time I heard THAT one I was a colt, sheesh."
He snickered and stuck out his tongue. Like I said, rude.
"Heard this one?" he asked.
"A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I’m gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain’t outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, 'I had to walk home.' "
"No." I told him "Wished the hell I hadn't heard it, either."
Nonplussed and with a few shakes of his ears and a swish of his tail to shoo the flies, he went on in rapid fire:
What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
*****
What did one horse say to the other horse?
The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.
*****
What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on?
A horse, of course!
*****
How many horses have three legs?
They all do!
*****
What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
All breeds. Houses don't jump.
*****
A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd. How is this possible?
His horse's name was June 3rd.
*****
How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
Start with a large fortune.
*****
What animal has more "hands" than feet?
Why, a horse, of course!
*****
What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A tale of WHOA!
*****
How long should a horse's legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground.
*****
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
*****
Where do horses stay in a hotel?
In the bridle suite.
*****
What did the waiter say to the horse?
I can't take your order. That's not my stable.
*****
What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
Use the Pony Express.
Seriously, they weren't all that funny to ME, but he sure was laughin' at his own dumb jokes.
"Henny Youngman you ain't." I snorted.
I kept on the attack.
"What's with the peculiar laugh? Or is that your 'braying jackass' imitation?"
"Keep your day job." I advised.
And once again, he was rude.
Sorry, but I just don't get that sort of comedy.
Bucolic Bovine Blog Bonanza
Drove around Miami for a little bit yesterday (Aug 09) and out near the football field I saw some cows and calves trying to rest in the shade. The heat was ferocious and they didn't like me disturbing them.
Some got up and moved away, but I wanted to take a pic of this little guy:
He looked at me warily as I slowly moved closer to get a better shot; I used some optical zoom but managed to cut off a bit of what could've been a pretty decent photograph. I think I cut off a roast, but wished I had cut off a T-Bone. Literally. Mmmmmm...
Just kidding. He was just too cute.
I moved a little closer, and the other two calves that were nearby went back to the one, as if to tell it "C'mon, let's get outta here!"
The two left, but the single stayed behind, scared a little bit, but curious enough to wonder what I was doing.
August 9, 2007
August 09 Birthdays
August 09
Actress Gillian Anderson born 1968
Singer Whitney Houston born 1963
Actress Amanda Bearse born 1958
Actress Melanie Griffith born 1957
Actor Sam Elliott born 1944
Barely got this posted in time.
I like all these actors/entertainers. I even like Amanda Bearse, and used to have a crush on her. That was before she came out of the closet and just the same as I have done people, such as Ellen Degeneres, Martina Navratilova, a few other well-known lesbians.
Don't EVEN get me to talking about my trauma from the Boy George discovery.
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