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July 5, 2012

Awkward Moments

"Bumped" from July '12 . I stumbled across it while searching for something else. Nearly got sick to my stomach again, too.



I saw this on a Facebook page earlier and it reminded me of a story I had been meaning to write and post in here.

It was my senior year of high school and the football coach had discovered that, even though I played guard on the line, I could throw and run the ball fairly well.  The offensive line was where I had played since starting my freshman year, though, because that's where the "larger" guys usually played. ("Larger" is relative because I never weighed more than 160 lbs. until my senior year when a growth spurt added a couple of inches and 10 lbs.)

I wasn't permanently moved from my position, but played both running back or quarterback when the starter got hurt or the coach decided he was ineffective or the game was out of reach.  I did fairly well, rushing for over a hundred yards in my first game as a running back and connecting on most of my passes through the season while playing quarterback, one for a touchdown.

I'll never forget that first game;  the coach told me at halftime he was going to substitute me for the starter.  We were playing Turpin, Oklahoma, the eventual state champions that year and were getting beaten rather handily. (We never did beat them while I played, but we did tie them my junior year 40-40, at the time one of the highest-scoring tie games in Texas h.s. football history)

As an offensive lineman and linebacker/safety, I wore larger shoulder pads and a helmet with a full face guard.  The pads were cumbersome but didn't bother me nearly as much when I played quarterback as did the face guard.  My lineman's mask had more bars on the lower part and one right in the middle, from top to bottom.  It never bothered me when I was playing on the line, but as a quarterback it would almost make my eyes cross when I looked down the field for open receivers.

As we took the field for the second half of my quarterback debut, I turned to a friend, an underclassman who rarely played and who had a running back's face guard, with fewer bars that blocked vision.  "Lemme use your helmet." I told him.  We swapped head gear and after getting the team trainer to adjust my helmet*, I took the field. 

*Our helmets were the type with glycerin-filled pads for cushion, as well as inflatable air cells.  If not adjusted for the shape of one's head, they would eventually give the wearer a horrible headache.  They were pumped up with a miniature version of the same sort of pump use to air up footballs.

I called the play in the huddle and walked to the line, looking over the defense as best as I could. (I was and still am extremely near-sighted) Just as I crouched behind center to call the signals and take the snap, I realized I didn't have my mouthpiece in. 

It was dangling from my face guard; when I first started playing, the mouth protectors didn't have the little strap molded on to attach to the helmet and we kept them in our socks when not in use.  It was a penalty for not wearing your mouthpiece and having the strap and the guard dangling from the face mask was a good reminder to wear it during a play.  When you got a new one, you put it in some boiling water for a short while, took it out, let it cool just for few seconds so it wouldn't burn, then stuck it in your mouth while still warm and pliable so it would form to your teeth and shape of your gums.

I stuck the guard in my mouth and it didn't take but a second to realize it wasn't mine.   When my teammate and I had swapped helmets, we hadn't switched the mouth pieces!  That wasn't so bad, but my friend also constantly dipped snuff and the thing tasted just like the Copenhagen he always had in his mouth. 

I don't remember much about the play, but I do remember holding back the vomit until the play was over and I could run over to the sidelines and swap out the mouth guards.  Thank goodness he hadn't stuck mine in his mouth and got the tobacco taste on it as well.

I'm glad this post is over; I felt like throwing up just writing it.

Oh, and I've done the pen thing, too.  It cured me of chewing on pens.

July 4, 2012

Fireworks

Much easier and cheaper than real fireworks, plus there's no chance of blowing off a finger.


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Hope You Have a Happy

July 4th

Belly Fat Blast!

Most of the time spam is annoying (especially the sheer volume of it) but other times it's funny, particularly so when there are several in a row that makes for a hilarious mental image. (or for a strange sentence)













That's almost a haiku, isn't it?

July 1, 2012

100 Riffs

(A Brief History of Rock N' Roll)

This is just about the best 12 minutes I've ever spent on YouTube. I was a little fuzzy on just a few at the first, then around the 60th riff it started losing me, but it's still a great video.