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April 30, 2009

Last Night's Tornados

Near Lubbock



Another, just released

mellifluous

mellifluous \muh-LIF-loo-us\, adjective:
Flowing as with honey; smooth; flowing sweetly or smoothly; as, a mellifluous voice.



The first thing I thought of when I saw this word was how it described both Obama and a televangelist when they're preaching to us.

I don't trust what either of 'em says. Obama says trust him while he picks our pockets and a TV preacher says give your soul to God, but make the check out to him. Both of 'em are worthless.

Mistakes on Steaks

How much do you know about steak?

Created by Recipe Star



I bet my pal Garazon would ace this test.

All I know about steaks is I love 'em and can't afford to eat them.

ZipHolder

ZipHolder

Prevents your zipper from accidentally coming open.

No more embarrassing exposure!



Only 3.99€ per package!
(1.2€ for delivery)



3.99 GBP = 5.83772 USD

Wish I had invented this, not only to make money but for my own personal use.

There are times I need one that attaches to my tongue.

Maybe I could invent something that keeps guys from zipping up something that really hurts to be zipped up.

You Might Be a Taliban

From the email archives:




"YOU MIGHT BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6.You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

April 28, 2009

Here ya go

"Someone"

Tell someone you love them

eleemosynary

eleemosynary \el-uh-MOS-uh-ner-ee\, adjective:
1. Of or for charity; charitable; as, "an eleemosynary institution."
2. Given in charity; having the nature of alms; as, "eleemosynary assistance."
3. Supported by or dependent on charity; as, "the eleemosynary poor."



I'm glad this blog doesn't depend upon donations; it'd starve to death.

Talking Cats



Here's the translation for those of you who don't speak "Cattish".

April 27, 2009

ken

ken \KEN\, noun:
1. Perception; understanding; knowledge.
2. The range of vision.
3. View; sight.



This is a word I've never heard a single person use outside of some Scot on TV or in a book. If asked for a definition, most Americans would initially think of the doll.

OTOH, most Aussies would think of an outdoor cooking device if Ken's g/f was mentioned.

(I hope you can ken that last without a link)

The Dangers of Alcohol

Click the pic:

dangers of alcohol

Or, if you're too drunk, click here.

Uncle Jay Explains (4-27)

Sleeveface

Sleeveface

Absolutely brilliant website!

One or more persons obscuring or augmenting any part of their body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion

sleeveface.com

April 26, 2009

somnolent

somnolent \SOM-nuh-luhnt\, adjective:
1. Sleepy; drowsy; inclined to sleep.
2. Tending to cause sleepiness or drowsiness.



All sorts of things cause me to be sleepy: Overeating, rainy weather, mornings, baseball on TV and movies with Keanu Reeves in them, just to mention a few.

Yes, I Guess OR No, I Don't Know



This could be a good OR bad thing, depending upon what the question is, of course.

"D" for Me




You Are Vitamin D



You're a naturally strong person. You've always had a lot of endurance.

You can survive what would make most people crumble. You have both mental and physical strength.

You don't do a lot to stay healthy - you just live a pretty natural lifestyle.

You stay away from processed junk, sleep like a baby, and get plenty of sunshine!

Guess the Correct Company Sign



Can you spot the correct company signs?



I got 15 out of 20 correct. There were a couple of companies I had never even heard of.

April 25, 2009

imbroglio

imbroglio \im-BROHL-yoh\, noun:
1. A complicated and embarrassing state of things.
2. A confused or complicated disagreement or misunderstanding.
3. An intricate, complicated plot, as of a drama or work of fiction.
4. A confused mass; a tangle.



My life has been an imbroglio.

My Windfall Will Fall



Thank goodness.

I was just about to go broke buying lotto tickets.

All the Love You Need

Big Head Todd and the Monsters

Sign up for the newsletter and download for free the album
All the Love You Need by Big Head Todd and the Monsters.

PhotoFunia

From the website:

PhotoFunia is an online photo editing tool that gives you a fun filled experience. You upload any photo and just wait to see the magic. Our proprietary technology automatically identifies the face in the photo and let's you add cool photo effects and create funny face photo montages.

PhotoFunia is free and very easy to use. Just select an effect you like from over 100 different effects, upload your photo, and PhotoFunia will handle the rest for you.






PhotoFunia

April 24, 2009

Chocolate Peppermint Cheesecake Bars






From Start Sampling

Prep time 15 min
Cook Time 55 min

Servings: 20 bars

Ingredients:

Crisco butter no stick cooking spray
3/4 cup Pillsbury best all purpose flour
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup cold butter
1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese, softened
1 (14 oz.) can Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk
2 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons peppermint extract

Chocolate glaze:

1/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon butter
6 chocolate mint candies (optional), broken into pieces

Directions:

Heat oven to 350F. Line the bottom and sides of an 8 x 8 inch baking pan with foil. Coat lightly with no stick cooking spray.

Combine flour, powdered sugar and cocoa in a large bowl. Cut in butter (mixture will be very dry and powdery). Press firmly on bottom of foiled-lined pan. Bake 15 minutes.

Beat cream cheese in medium bowl until fluffy. Gradually beat in sweetened condensed milk until smooth. Add eggs and peppermint extract, mixing well. Pour over prepared crust.

Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until lightly browned around edges. Cool 30 minutes.

Place chocolate chips and butter in small microwavable bowl. Microwave on High for 30 seconds. Stir. If necessary, continue to heat in 5 second intervals until smooth. Place in resealable plastic bag. Cut small tip off one corner of bag. Drizzle over cooled cheesecake. Sprinkle candy pieces on top.

Chill. Remove from pan using edges of foil. Cut into bars.

Source: Pillsbury

Stealin' - Uriah Heep

NOTE:  Noticed the original videos had been taken down, but found these to replace them.  The singer forgot the lyrics near the first of the live version


Live



Album Version

April 23, 2009

That's Nice to Know

I think he broke the message board

Funny reply on a msg. board thread. I've blanked out the nicknames in order to protect the identities of the unwitting participants.



There were only three replies. Dunno what happened to the other 4 billion and some.

April 22, 2009

CommutePrice.com



Go to CommutePrice.com, input your origin and destination, the miles per gallon your vehicle gets and the price per gallon, and the website will calculate your one way, roundtrip, weekly and monthly commute costs.

This website would be better if one could input the type of vehicle and get the depreciation costs figured in too. (and also have an input for yearly insurance) As it is, it's nothing more than the equivalent of a calculator in the glove box that most people would ordinarily use to figure out their commuting costs.

I'm A Little Donkey

Or "taco de harina"




You Are a Burrito



You're not a picky person. You're able to go with the flow and really enjoy life.

You have a taste for the exotic, and you're quite adventurous. You're willing to try almost anything.

You're very low maintenance. You don't mind getting a bit messy if it means having fun.

You aren't superficial or easily impressed. Someone has to be the real deal if they're going to impress you.

Jax Beer Adverts





I remember these and how much my folks enjoyed watching them. I don't recall my dad ever drinking Jax beer; it was probably too expensive for him to drink on a regular basis, anyway. I do remember him buying Berghoff or Schlitz at .99 cents/six pack.

I also remember the summer my dad decided he could save money by brewing his own beer. We kids would walk along the ditches by the road to pick up cast off beer bottles. Pop would bring them home, sterilize them and fill them up with his home brew. I liked my job: capping the bottles with a drill-press type contraption.

He had some success with it, I suppose, because we have some home movies with him drinking his concoction, the foam spewing from the bottle after opening. His failures are also in my memory...him storing his beer in our cellar and being woke up in the middle of the night by bottles exploding from the pressure, sounding just like a muffled gunshot.

April 21, 2009

Ask Jeeves is Back!

In the UK, but not here.



Ask Jeeves was the first search engine I ever used. It was before I had my own computer and was using the ones at the local library. I hadn't a clue as how to find anything, so I typed my query into the address bar and was directed to the AskJeeves website.

It didn't take me long to discover that the answers weren't what I really wanted and to find out that there were much better search engines. Still, I remember Jeeves with fondness because he was my "first".

As for the question posed in the above screenshot: No, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Google "TANSTAAFL" if you don't believe me.

Too bad our Congress and President haven't Googled it.

I Don't Mind Fortunes Like These

Even when they're so wrong.



Heck, I have trouble unlocking my door.

Hoorah for RAH !

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
- Robert A. Heinlein

How Long Could You Survive?

Trapped inside your freezer?

How long could you survive trapped inside your kitchen freezer?

Created by Recipe Star



I had to answer I wouldn't eat any food in there.

That's because there's not any food in there.

Strange Question #2

A young man entered a bar and asked for a glass of water. The person behind the bar produced a gun and pointed it at the man. He replied, "Thank you," and walked off.

Why?



The answer will be in the comments section, so no peeking until you're ready to verify your answer or give up!

April 20, 2009

This Fortune's a Beaut

you see beauty where others do not

That might very well be true, but trust me....

It's not always a good thing.

Uncle Jay Explains (4-20)

Texas Women

From the Photobucket archives:



Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Ohio and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from New Mexico. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Texas and her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

April 19, 2009

Quick Search

Looking through my Firefox Bookmarks, I clicked on "Quick Search" which relies on my search history for the results. If the following is an indication, then I think someone has been sneaking in here and getting on my computer.

(click for better view)



I did visit craigslist a few weeks ago to see what an article I read about it was referring to and I also visited the US Postal Service site just the other day to see the first class postage rates. (hey, it seems the price of a stamp goes up every week!) I don't understand why Macy's was included; nor do I understand why MapQuest, Sotheby's or the Library of Congress websites were in the results. HotAir is just that, full of hot air and I don't go to McDonald's, either in person or online.

I haven't visited Victoria's Secret, either....but if I WERE to visit it, I'd go there to ogle the models, not looking for stuff to wear myself.

Just wanted everyone to know, that's all.

Weekend Fortune

this weekend will challenge your assumptions

They nearly got it right: an ass with gumption challenged my weekend.

Night Time - My Favorite Time




You Are Dusk



You are a naturally idealistic and creative person. You look forward to nights where everything is possible.

You spend most of your energy on play. Work is okay, but the true you emerges after the work day is done.

You're an offbeat type that doesn't like rules or schedules. Life's too short to waste at a desk in a cube.

Whether you spend your night socializing or working on side projects, you like that your time is yours.




(Evening) Time to Get Away - The Moody Blues



The Sunset / Twilight Time - The Moody Blues





EDIT: Funny coincidence that this is the Word of the Day

crepuscular \kri-PUS-kyuh-lur\, adjective:
1. Of, pertaining to, or resembling twilight; dim.
2. (Zoology) Appearing or active at twilight.

Or the "dim" part might just be referring to me.

April 18, 2009

Downtown - Petula Clark

Allow Me!

To Google that for ya.

Want to make your own? Go to imgtfy.com

Conficker Eye Chart

Check to see if your computer has been infected with the conflicker virus using graphics linked to security websites (AT the website; these are only examples)



From the website:

Conficker (aka Downadup, Kido) is known to block access to over 100 anti-virus and security websites.

If you are blocked from loading the remote images in the first row of the top table above (AV/security sites) but not blocked from loading the remote images in the second row (websites of alternative operating systems) then your Windows PC may be infected by Conficker (or some other malicious software).

If you can see all six images in both rows of the top table, you are either not infected by Conficker, or you may be using a proxy server, in which case you will not be able to use this test to make an accurate determination, since Conficker will be unable to block you from viewing the AV/security sites.

April 17, 2009

Spamkämpfer

Over the last few weeks I've noticed several hits on my spam posts from a German anti-spam website. Every time I would try to see what they were saying (as if I could speak German) I was denied access. Got in last night, though.



There were no comments in the thread about what I had written that I could see. Just a mention of this blog. Not even a "stummer esel"

"zum seitenanfang" means "Back to the top of the page", I think.

"stummer esel" means ME, of course.

PDA?

The Letdown

Hilarious response by the cat. I know how it feels.

Ah, the Irony

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

April 16, 2009

Dear Someone



C'mon "someone".

Don't leave me hangin'.

April 15, 2009

Strange Question #1

This is the first of a new category/label "Strange Questions"




A lady read a book, turned the light out and went to sleep. In the morning, when she saw in the newspaper that a ship had sunk drowning all on board, she committed suicide. Why?



The answer will be in the comments section, so no peeking until you're ready to verify your answer or give up!

What Happened?

From the Photobucket archives:



What Happened?

At first I thought this was funny...

then I realized the awful truth of it.

Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table at which he's fed.

Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes are the rule.

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat.

Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he tries to think.

Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries, then Tax his tears.

Tax his car, Tax his gas, find other ways to tax his ass

Tax all he has then let him know that you won't be done till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers, then tax him some more, tax him till he's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb, "Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone, do not relax, it's time to apply the inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax,
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest expense
Inventory tax IRS
Interest Charges
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License
Tax Medicare
Tax Property
Tax Real Estate
Tax Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road usage taxes
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax Utility
Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

And many, many more.

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

And I still have to "press 1" for English

I hope this goes around world 10 times

No Pix to Nix



There aren't too many photos of me "out there" that I'd be ashamed of letting anyone see.

This is just about the most scandalous one I have ever have had taken of me.

Earth at Night

NightEarth logo

See the Earth at night from space at NightEarth.com

Compared to other places, the Texas Panhandle is still a sparsely lit area.

Pampa designated by red marker.


Pampa at night

A Masterpiece




You Are a Painting



You are a passionate person. You see the emotional undertones that others miss.

Compared to other people, you are sentimental. You allow yourself to feel everything.

Believe that art should capture the beauty and mood of a moment.

The best art speaks to your heart. It makes you smile, dream, or even cry.



I sometimes feel like a painting
Hanging crooked upon a wall
And people keep adjusting me
To make sure that I don't fall.

To some, I'm a colorful masterpiece
Others see shades of gray
My friends are those who stop and look
The rest just walk away.

I may not be a masterpiece
Hanging in a golden frame
I might not be a Rembrandt
But I'm an original, all the same!

April 14, 2009

England is Getting Shorter!



Don't know why that comes up that way; the length is referring to an old US ship, the USS England (named after a man, not the country)

At that rate, there will not be room but for a couple of soccer fields!

Oh No!

MSN Groups are trying to haunt my blog!



Not for sure what caused it; it might have been because I visited an old Hotmail account and the icons in my Bookmarks got mixed up, but this blog was the only one affected.

It later went away, thank goodness.

Dueling Banjos

From the movie "Deliverance"

Please note: There's some offensive language at the end of the video.

Jesus Weeps

And so should we all.

Usually, I try to add some commentary or background information along with my photos.

These do not need it. Words will not, cannot do them justice.

This is a case where a picture is indeed better than a thousand words....but a thousand tears are not enough.

At The Cross of Our Lord, Groom, Texas.

abortion exhibit at Groom Cross walkwayabortion exhibit at Groom Cross monument dedicated to the sanctity of life
abortion exhibit at Groom Cross Jesusabortion exhibit at Groom Cross Jesus closeup
abortion exhibit at Groom Cross Jesus weepsabortion exhibit at Groom Cross baby

April 13, 2009

No One Needs to Know - Shania Twain



A bump from nearly two years ago, just in time for tornado season.

Uncle Jay Explains (4-13)

Yuliya Coughalot

Greetings!
My name is Yuliya! I am 29 years old. I addressed in agency acquaintances. When I have specified, how I search for type of the man. Me have told to approach in 1 week. When I have again come to agency of acquaintances, to me have told yours email adress. I am a teacher and i like my work very much. I work with children and Now I have an opportunity to write to you I am an interesting, beautiful, kind and single young lady. I want to find my love, my half and want to marry him. I have started to look on the Internet because my girlfriend has found the husband in the Internet and consequently I also hope, that to a smog to have a happy family in the future. I am looking for a man who will fall in love with me and I will fall in love with him. I have never been married but I dream about it. I am fond of children and I dream about a happy family with the beloved man. I am interested in music, cooking, reading, travelling and others. I know English very good and can easily speak!!

If you are interested or have any questions in me please write me only to my personal e-mail: yulkapulka090@yahoo.com

Please write me and I will send you my photos.
I wait for your letter very much.
Yuliya.




Dear Yulia,

If you want "to a smog to have a happy family in the future", then I'd suggest writing to someone in Los Angeles. We have a lot of bad things here in the Texas Panhandle...rattlesnakes, tornadoes and more than our fair share of liberals, but the last thing you'll find here is smog. Oh, there might be some smog in places, such as around chemical plants and refineries, but, thanks to the wind and depending upon which way it's blowing, in a day or two the pollution will be in either New Mexico or Oklahoma.

You'd do well in California, especially in Hollywood, as all you will need is a big showing of skin and a pretty face: no talent required. Oh yeah, if you DO decide to write me again, send some pics with more skin showing.

Writing to me, if you don't mind me saying so, is barking up the wrong tree.
(such as the one you're in)

Sincerely,
Mike

P.S. Here's your "real" address: mervye@serialsys.com.sg