Just noticed today is the birthday of
Beatrice "Bebe" Neuwirth.
Probably known best for her role as Lilith in Cheers, I've always thought her a talented performer and lovely woman.
Bebe Neuwirth IMDB listing
December 31, 2008
December 30, 2008
to hate living in a duplex.
Holiday Surprise: Stranger in the Attic
And that, my loyal few readers, is the first use of my newest Firefox add-on, a nifty little feature that lets me copy a snippet of text, such as a headline, and have it copy as an HTML link.
Plus, in my haste, I had spelled nifty as "nitfy" and thanks to my Firefox spell check, I didn't make a bigger doofus of myself than I ordinarily do.
Anyway...I've lived in quite a few duplexes, and never liked 'em. Three different times I've moved in next door to newlyweds.
Of course, one of those times I was a newlywed myself, so maybe that one shouldn't count.
I had a coach who once said we would soon forget the good times and that we would always remember the bad. The year wasn't so bad for me and was good for folks like Alison and Garazon, but it's been a really bad year for this country.
It's been especially bad for the Cowboys. I'll never forget THIS season. -sigh-
You Remember 100% of 2008
You were paying attention during 2008.
And you remember what happened really well.
You'll be able to talk about 2008 for years to come...
Even when most people have forgotten what went down.
Today is the birthday (1945) of former Monkee and teen idol Davy Jones.
And now (2006)
Jones was recently selected as the top teen idol of all time in a Yahoo survey.
The diminutive Jones (5'3") wasn't my favorite of the group; that honor fell to Michael Nesmith (shown below, far right), a "Mike" like me, a native Texan like me...and, like me, preferred wearing sock caps to keep his unruly hair in place.
Peter Tork, second from right, was the goofy one and I guess I could identify with him because of that. Mickey Dolenz, at back and in red, was the designated smartass of the four, but I preferred Nesmith's sarcastic wit.
A couple bits of trivia: Nesmith's mother invented Liquid Paper and he also won the first Grammy (1981) given for Video of the Year.
Here's the opening from their zany 60's television show. I never missed it if I could help it.
December 26, 2008
I've been using this for a while.
Since I was using the regular product anyway, deadly chlorine atoms and all, I was pleased to find a simple way of adding low-dosage fiber (don't wanna get hooked!) to my diet. Just by drinking a couple of cups of tea, I can get a tenth of my daily need of roughage.
(Metamucil® & vodka with a twist didn't work out so well)
Whenever I sprinkle some on my oatmeal, I always think:
"Would 'redundant' be the word to use, or is 'overkill' a better choice?"
Sounds like a Nordic version of an "Up With People" cover group, or some drink made with schnapps, doesn't it?
No, it's the dozen or so hits on this blog today from Norway and Sweden. They're following a link I left at the Cast Away msg. boards in the IMDB site.
The movie must've been on the tube over there. Searches for the Arrington Ranch House used in the film have this blog on the first page, depending upon the terms used, but the intersection post is nearly always at the top or in the top three.
From the Word of the Day:
paltry \PAWL-tree\, adjective:
1. almost worthless; trifling
2. of no worth; contemptible, despicable
1. describes this blog
2. describes politicians
There's an older post Zach is Back where I mentioned paltry.
December 24, 2008
From the email archives:
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
From the email archives:
OLIVE THE OTHER ... REINDEER..............use to laugh & call me NAMES.. ..... tee heee...
December 23, 2008
NEW BEDFORD, Mass. (AP) - Fire officials in New Bedford, Mass., say a man using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch ended up setting his house on fire, causing up to $30,000 in damage.
Fire Capt. Scott Kruger tells The Standard-Times of New Bedford that no one was injured during Monday's incident at the three-story home.
Kruger says the man was using a torch hooked up to a 20-pound propane cylinder. He got too close to the building's wood frame and ignited the vinyl siding. The fire quickly spread into the building's second- and third-floor apartments.
It took 25 firefighters to subdue the blaze that damaged bedrooms in the upstairs units, and caused damage to the structure and wiring.
The homeowner will not be charged.
I've always known most people in Mass. aren't too smart.
How do I know that?
They keep voting for Teddy Kennedy, don't they?
By hook or crook....or hook and ladder
SOUTH SALT LAKE, Utah (AP) - What kind of mileage does that thing get? Police in South Salt Lake, Utah, have arrested a man they say tried to steal a fire truck so he could drive home - to Washington - for Christmas.
Detective Gary Keller says firefighters on a medical call heard the $500,000 truck's air horn blaring Monday and ran outside. They found a man in the driver's seat trying to drive away.
After a lengthy struggle, firefighters were finally able to subdue the man until police arrived.
Police say the 25-year-old man told them he wanted to go to Washington to see his mother for Christmas.
From the email archives:
Miss Sally Edwards is a highly esteemed third grade teacher at Jacksboro Elementary. In an effort to prepare her students for the all-important TAKS test, she compiled an exam consisting of 20 questions, which she administered to her class last Tuesday.
The exam purposely covered a broad array of topics.
I call your attention to question # 11, which simply read:
LIST, IN ANY ORDER, THE FOUR SEASONS:
1. ________ 2. ________ 3.________ 4. ________
Now, could you possibly imagine that 67% of the students gave the following answer?
1. DOVE SEASON 2. DEER SEASON 3. DUCK SEASON 4. TURKEY SEASON
GOD BLESS THE RURAL KIDS OF TEXAS !!!
That I hate snow.
Your Snow Test Says You're Independent
You feel like something good will happen to you in the next few weeks.
You have an amazingly strong work ethic. You are likely to be very successful in life.
You are an independent, individualistic person. You thrive when you're doing your own thing.
Your biggest worry in life is your family. You stay up at night thinking about them.
When it comes time to relax, you have no problem letting go. You are already pretty relaxed as is!
December 22, 2008
A new poll released by the Associated Press and Petside.com reveals that the majority of pet owners in the U.S. believe they can comprehend their pet's own language, and that their pet understands what they say as well. Read on to find out more!
I don't claim to know just exactly what the Beej says with every "meow", but I can tell when he's angry or impatient with me and it doesn't take Dr. Doolittle to figure out what he means when he's at the door meowing. (inside OR out)
I'm almost dead.
You Are 20% Hyper
You are low on the energy scale. You prefer peace and quiet to excitement and adventure.
You don't see the point of always being on the go.
You have a low stress threshold, and you can only do one thing at a time.
And like many people, you tend to tire quickly. You need a lot of down time.
Not only are you not hyper, hyper people tend to annoy you a bit.
You find energetic people to be overwhelming. You wish they would just calm down!
From Mental Floss:
Micturition plays a role in nearly every film Tom Hanks has ever made. He either pees, talks about peeing, or makes some reference to peeing. Match the numbered scenes on the left with the blanks next to the films on the right. And who knows? And hey, if you're a whiz at this matchup, then you're in luck - you can be number one and make a big splash!
I took the test and it's obvious I know my Tom Hanks movies...or pee, either one.
December 21, 2008
From PC World:
A Decade of Internet Superstars: Where Are They Now?
Whatever happened to the Evolution of Dance guy or that kid who loved Britney Spears so much he cried for her under his sheet? We'll fill you in on what happened to them and other Web celebrities when their 15 minutes of fame ended.
I'm so happy they included the Numa Numa kid. How could they leave him out?
They could've left Chris Crocker out, though. That "guy" creeps me out.
Whatever...The world's longest alphabetical email address.
(from the website)
It's so long that...
- Some web forms are unable to read your email address
- Some email software cannot be configured
- People have a hard time typing in your email address
- Companies think that your email address is fake
- The Longest Alphabetical Email Address on Earth!
I signed up for this several years ago and other than a novelty, I really don't understand what good it would be to use.
Still...a site that uses ellipses can't be all bad, plus...
I used to be involved in the soon-to-be defunct MSN Groups and a few years ago I saw a post in the main help group Community Feedback ( often referred to as Communist Feedbag) telling this joke.
You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
You get three meals a day.
You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
You get time off for good behavior.
You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
You must carry around a security card and
unlock and open all the doors yourself.
You can watch TV and play games.
You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
You get your own toilet.
You have to share.
They allow your family and friends to visit.
You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then
they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
You spend most of your life looking through bars from
inside wanting to get out.
You spend most of your time wanting
to get out and go inside bars.
There are wardens who are often sadistic.
They are called supervisors.
You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
You get fired if you get caught.
I suppose the joke could've been funny if it wasn't so full of misconceptions and out-and-out lies. I had to rebut and eventually got banned. The poster said she was a nurse and also claimed she was a Christian.
Here's my first reply:
You might have a bit bigger space with your jail cell, but odds are you have to share it with at least one other person, sometimes even three others. Dorm type wards are of course larger, but try sharing your space with fifty other people, most of whom are murderers, rapists, etc.
You are not confined to your cubicle, either. You can get up and go to the bathroom, get a cup of coffee most any time you want at most jobs. You can even leave (tell them you're sick, quit, etc.) your cubicle if you like.
If you think it's sexual harrassment by someone telling you they think you smell nice, try being Bubba's girlfriend while you're sharing a cell with him.
There's no central air in most prisons, either...only in a few sections and they're never the places where the prisoners eat, sleep or congregate. In summer, the prisons are stifling hot with no air circulation, and bone numbing cold during winter. You don't get 800-count linen sheets, either, nor a nice comforter or quilt.
Prison is NEVER quiet. During the day there are a hundred radios and boomboxes playing a hundred different songs. People are yelling, screaming and the smells from the many men housed there is a miasma of stale sweat and other body excretions, plus the stench of despair and fear. At night it's not much better, with people arguing from cell to cell and the screams and cries from disturbed men's nightmares must be something such as will be found in Hell.
In prison, you don't always get three meals a day, unless you consider a sandwich a full meal. Breakfast is generally powdered eggs and a couple slices of toast and a styrofoam cup of bad, lukewarm coffee. You MIGHT get some sort of mystery meat. The food is NEVER good, even on Thanksgiving or Christmas when most institutions make a token effort at providing a decent meal.
You also have to worry about bugs in your food, or some guy who has taken a dislike to you spitting in your mashed potatoes (ALWAYS cheap "instant") or putting something else, such as broken glass, in your food.
If you are in solitary, or lockdown, sometimes you are served "the brick" which is a disgusting slumgullion of food shaped like a brick. It contains mostly starches and vegetable protein.
Inmates don't always get time off for good behavior; depending upon their crime, previous record and conduct in prison, they may have to serve their full sentence.
At least at work you don't have to submit to body searches at most every door and sometimes pulled aside for a cavity search. I'd prefer the security card and opening my own doors, thanks.
At work you mostly don't have to worry about the blind spots behind doors or stairwells where you can get stabbed or raped, either.
Most prisons, at least Texas prisons, don't allow individual television sets. You have to watch TV in a common room, and the majority rules. So, you can either watch what everyone else wants to watch, or not at all.
Games consist of card games and chess and checkers when the prison allows them. No Nintendo or Yahoo website games in prison.
Do you consider yourself to be a tolerant person? Not racially biased, i.e. "I've got LOTS of black (or whatever) friends!" you say? Well, in prison you will learn NOT to be. You'll join a gang and get some protection, or be alone, and be ganged up on by ALL.
Got a neat little butterfly tattoo on your ankle? Well, if you're a man in prison, and have to join a gang, such as the Aryan Nation, they'll insist you get marked where you show the entire population your loyalty. It will be done in some crude method, with inks made from any number of non-hygenic substances.
If you're lucky enough to have a single occupant cell you get your own toilet. Otherwise you share with your cellmates. There are no walls around the toilet, either, and no matter where you are in the cell, you're only a very few feet away from the toilet....and the person USING the toilet. Just get THAT picture in your head for a minute, huh?
Some prisoners don't like to use their toilets, as they're used as "coolers" to keep their sodas at something less than the ambient temperature.
After eight hours at work you can go home to your family and friends, unless of course you are forced to work a few more hours of overtime. Also, many prisons do not allow contact visits. How would you like to spend the years watching your children grow up and not even be able to hug or touch them, separated by a half inch of dirty Plexiglass?
Many inmates don't WANT their family to visit because it's always hard to have them for an hour, then have to wait a month or two before they see them again.
Most prisons allow a weekly phone call, but it has to be collect, and there's a time limit on your call as there are hundreds of other inmates standing in line behind you waiting to use the phone. Your calls are monitored, too. The necessary brevity of the call is probably a good thing, as the charges can be several dollars per minute.
"All expenses paid." That's not true; some states requre the prisoners to make restitution and the only way to do that is by working within the prison system. Also, any "extra" or "special" privileges can only be garnered by accepting work details. Many inmates volunteer for work details if for nothing else than to get some fresh air and sunshine. Some states "pay" their inmates for working, but minimum wage does not apply to them; sometimes the pay is only a few cents per hour.
How would you like to make a dollar or two a day for chopping cotton in the hot muggy Louisiana fields? I've never seen anyone standing over someone's cubicle with a loaded shotgun, ready to shoot to kill if you step out of your assigned area
It probably takes the taxes of ten people to pay for the cost of one person incarcerated. Many prisoners are in prison because of non-violent crimes, and while they are inside, their families suffer because the person is not able to contribute to their welfare...and many inmate's families are ON welfare.
Communities compete for the right to have a prison built in their town because of the money it will bring in, plus the jobs, but it's very rarely mentioned that their cost in social services goes up correspondingly because often the inmate's family will move to the nearest town to be closer to their loved one.
I know several people who are in prison because they went to bars, then drove while intoxicated. "Wanting to get out and go to bars" is really a motivator, isn't it? What a stupid joke.
This isn't the 1930's, and there are no sadistic wardens. True, there might be some sadistic guards, but at least the vetting process weeds most of those defective people out.
I do not let anyone, be they boss or not, to mistreat me. If I cannot get satisfaction via official channels, I either quit the job or go face-to-face w/ my supervisor.
Some prisons offer work training, and even fewer of those offer computer repair, etc. The computers are usually WAY out of date, and they DO NOT have internet access. Maybe in a minimum security prison, but only under strict supervision.
So, while I think that people who commit crimes mostly deserve what they got coming, I don't think it's good to joke about their "cushy life" in jail. Get busted in Maricopa County Arizona, and the sheriff there will house you in stifling tents set up in the blazing desert sun with dozens of other criminals and serve you sandwiches made with stale bread...and what you think is green lettuce between the slices of bread is either very old meat or spoiled cheese.
This just hit me wrong, and I'm sorry if you think it's funny, but I still don't.
After posting that, several people replied in a negative fashion, saying they deserve it, lots of people would love those "bricks", etc and so forth, ad nauseum. Here is my reply to them:
First of all, I'm not a bleeding heart liberal. I am a Christian, however, and perhaps that gives me a viewpoint that some of you do not possess.
I have a sense of humor, but it does not lend itself to pulling wings off of flies. Comparing an office job to being in prison is akin to comparing "abuses" at Gitmo to real torture.
Sure, there may be some people left in the Gulf region who might like that "brick", but people in prison don't have billions in aid and thousands of people coming to their rescue. That was a ludicrous point you made.
When it's the poor, the disadvantaged, the minorities that make up the majority of the ones who get convicted and sent to prison, then I suppose it's fair game to make fun of them. On the other hand, some people laugh at those with handicaps, such as those with clubfeet or those that stammer. No one says you have to be politically correct, but it's always people with no sensitivity at all who make jokes belittling those on a lesser social standing. It's simply another form of bigotry, that's all.
"Don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Who said that? Well, it became popular from the old tv show Baretta starring Robert Blake whom, if you will recall, recently was judged not guilty for a crime he most likely committed. If he'd been poor he'd be sitting in San Quentin right now.
Let me throw another old adage right back at you: "There but for the grace of God go I." (If you're an atheist you can substitute "luck" for "grace of God" and still understand what it means.) One can be convicted of crimes other than rape, robbery, drugs or murder, you know. People get sent to jail all the time for income tax evasion, lying to grand juries or for shooting intruders in their homes. There are journalists in jail right now for refusing to give up their sources.
When one person gets probation for a crime committed, and another gets ten years in the slammer for a similar crime, it's not hard to feel some sympathy for those incarcerated due to justice unequally applied. Not hard for "some of us" that is.
Ooops, I was a little too compassionate for them and was accused of being in prison, having been in prison, my momma was probably in prison (and those folks were not banned as I was) No rebuttal to my own, just ad hominen attacks.
Here's what got me the ax after I was told by the poster she was just going to ignore me from now on:
Ignore me if you like; your ilk usually does and ignores the truth while doing so.
No, never been in jail or prison, sorry. I'm wondering if you're telling the truth about your own work experience now as everyone I know who has worked in a prison has had their preconceptions altered. You also don't fit the image of someone who is a Christian, either. You sure don't practice it, not according to what you write.
The Bible says this in Matthew:
When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
Then the King will say to those on his right, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
Then the righteous will answer him, "Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"
The King will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Here's a prison joke you might like "How many guards does it take to push an inmate down the stairs?" Ans: "None, he fell." You might
I just BET your patients got "good care." Compassion is supposed to be the keystone of both Christianity and Nursing (not to mention ANY decent person, no matter their beliefs), but maybe you weren't there the days they taught that in church and in school?
Never committed a crime? Well, good for you! I've always been leery of those who spoke most loudly of their "honor" though.
I never said criminals didn't deserve being in prison, only pointed out the idiocy of comparing prison with working in a cubicle.
Now that I'm done trading insults with you, you may go back to pulling wings off of flies.
I am SO glad MSN is doing away with their Groups. Maybe some of these people will just simply get off the 'net and never return.
December 20, 2008
Your Christmas Sprit Level: 10%
Your Christmas spirit is there, but it's very faint.
If you celebrate Christmas at all, it's only when you truly want to.
It's okay if you're not really into the whole Christmas thing. Don't worry about not having enough spirit.
Pushing yourself to do more will only turn you into a Grinch!
December 19, 2008
The Smoking Gun has released their 2008 Mug Shots of the Year.
I'm glad MY mug isn't included, not that I've ever been arrested. (well, there's my arrested development, but....)
Ya gotta admire the gall of the gal in the first mug shot, though. What else are they gonna do to her?
The Best and Worst Movies about the Internet
From PC World
Besides revolutionizing communication for the masses, the Internet has inspired the imaginations of filmmakers worldwide--with wildly divergent results. Here's one film buff's list of the five best and five worst Net-related films.
I dunno, I kinda liked "The Net". I like Sandra Bullock, though.
As much as I like sci-fi, I never could get into "The Matrix". Maybe it was because of
the fencepost that starred in it Keanu Reeves?
Bet you didn't know that Santa is 98 yrs. old and lives in Texas.
Must live in North Texas.
Santa's MySpace Page
The MySpace page was created by the Texas Department of Transportation and as the graphic above shows, is intended to make people aware of drinking and driving, especially during this busy holiday season.
While you're there, check out the wallpapers, ringtone and the "snow effect" for MySpace profiles as well as a holiday skin for MySpace sites.
I've always been a fan of their public service announcements and on their holiday page you can listen to several of them. One of my favorites is the "carolers".
December 18, 2008
My name isn't on the list of outstanding warrants. (link is to PDF file)
My fellow Pampans owe fines of $991,777.74 on 2896 warrants.
I know several people on that list, but not the ones who have dozens of individual fines. I'm glad I don't know 'em or I might've been in trouble along with them.
Last month, I wrote about Much Marlboro Music, the contest the cigarette maker was having to showcase relatively unknown musical artists and bands.
The contest recently ended and the winner was announced yesterday:
Which means my 43 votes for 500 Miles to Memphis were in vain.
(kinda like my vote for Ron Paul)
Official Site of Loni Rose
December 17, 2008
RECIPE A graham cracker crust is filled with a decadent mixture of cream cheese, sugar, eggnog and a hint of rum. Garnish with whipped cream and colored sugar, if desired.
Prep Time: 30m
Cook Time: 55m
Ready in: 1h 25m
Yield: 1 9-inch cake
1 cup graham cracker crumbs
2 tablespoons white sugar
3 tablespoons melted butter
3 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup white sugar
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3/4 cup eggnog
2 tablespoons rum
1 pinch ground nutmeg
1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
2. In a medium bowl combine graham cracker crumbs, 2 tablespoons sugar and butter. Press into the bottom of a 9 inch spring form pan.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes. Place on a wire rack to cool.
4. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
5. In a food processor combine cream cheese, 1 cup sugar, flour and eggnog; process until smooth. Blend in eggs, rum and nutmeg. Pour mixture into cooled crust.
6. Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes.
7. Reduce heat to 250 and bake for 45 minutes, or until center of cake is barely firm to the touch. Remove from the oven and immediately loosen cake from rim. Let cake cool completely before removing the rim.
Servings Per Recipe: 16
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 277 cal
Total Fat: 18.9 g
Cholesterol: 86 mg
Sodium: 193 mg
Carbohydrates: 22 g
Fiber: 0.2 g
Protein: 4.9 g
He admitted to trying to sell enough cyanide to "kill a small city" in his words. Now, a Higgins man is headed to federal prison. Jeffrey Detrixhe was sentenced Wednesday to serve close to six years in prison. Detrixhe pleaded guilty to one count of prohibition against chemical weapons.
He was arrested after federal agents say Detrixhe was attempting to sell cyanide online. F.B.I agents say, Detrixhe admitted that he knew from his friend, that a man wanting to buy the cyanide was with the Aryan Brotherhood.
The F.B.I says, they confiscated a barrel containing more than 60-pounds of cyanide from Detrixhe's home in Higgins back in May.
From the email archives:
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
December 16, 2008
Following a link to Oddee, I found a list of people with "unbelievable talents". (if you're easily offended DO NOT click on either link, particularly the last one)
One "talent" I found amazing -although not "unbelievable"- was that of
It seems that Elmer Fudd endorses the site.
Here's a YouTube vid of him accompanying on "The Blue Danube".
December 14, 2008
From the email archives:
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.
You have no idea how great I feel.
Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.
December 13, 2008
Than cleaning up after the elephant, I suppose.
You Should Walk the Tightrope
Any subject you study, you aim to master. You enjoy being the best.
When you're good at something, you like to show off your skills.
You're the type of person who would practice years to walk the tightrope.
And you'd love the glory you'd get from walking it in front of a crowd.
December 12, 2008
By Lucas Jefferson
Friday, December 12, 2008 at 4:28 p.m.
The staggering drop in crude oil prices has caused many rigs here in the Panhandle to shut down for the time being.
Over the past six months we've had as many as ninety-five rigs running, now there are only 84 in operation.
That has a big impact on the money that flows into our economy. The average rig worker makes two hundred bucks a day, there's about 18 thousand dollars per day, based on ten rigs, that isn't going into our economy.
That's more than half a million dollars per month.
Higher crude prices make exploration more feasible for producers, as Executive Vice President of the Panhandle Producers and Royalty Owners Association, Wayne Hughes said, “We can design drill programs that involve the use of a drilling rig over four or five sites much more economically and much more realistically when the price gets in the seventy dollar range. That's where it's comfortable for us.”
Keep in mind those numbers we are just for the rig workers, that doesn't take into account the myriad of other jobs which relate to the oil business.
Hughes also told us that he is optimistic that over the next couple of months crude prices will start going back up.
When that happens we should see growth in rig numbers come back to the Panhandle.
Was sitting here earlier and heard on the TV that the MegaMillions jackpot was over 200 million. I play the lottery some, not always, but try to buy a ticket when the jackpot is enormous as it is now.
So, I jumped in my truck and drove the short distance to the nearest liquor store that sells lotto tickets; while I was there, I saw a couple of people I know and had a conversation with the clerks about some new products.
(one of which is a cream-based "shooter" packaged in a sperm-looking bottle. Sheesh)
As I was standing there talking, a young woman came in and bought some things. She was pretty, but a little bit overweight and having a few extra pounds might be the reason her fly zipper on her jeans was wide open!
Now, that's happened to nearly every guy I know and it's always accompanied by laughter and shouts of "Hey, yer barn door's open!" and "XYZ!" (examine your zipper!)
The problem was this: Is it appropriate to say the same thing to a girl? I was torn between laughing out loud and mentioning to her in a low voice that she "had a problem". I didn't want to humiliate her any more than necessary, but she really needed to be told...she really did...but I didn't have the courage to say anything.
Why did she really need to be told?
Well, for the main thing, she wasn't wearing any underwear.
A big red, white and blue welcome to Alison, my online bud Garazon's betrothed.
Over the last few days, I've been reading his posts in his blog as he counted down the hours unti Alison came over here for good. I've felt like a third-wheel...which I'm used to being...especially when Alison would reply to his public declarations of love for her. I'd post, but would feel like I was intruding!
Bless their hearts, they met several years ago, both of them having lost their spouses and developed their love affair even before they had even met. I know, from personal experience, that you CAN fall in love before even laying eyes on the other person...and actually, I think that might even be better than the proverbial "love at first sight" because you can get to know them without the added pressure of a possible physical affair. (sexual tension, guess it would be)
I had a very good friend I met online, and we developed something similar (I'd like to think) a long time before we ever met in person. My friend (let's call her....oh..."elle") elle and I knew that we had something special because of the thousands of emails and hours we spent chatting on IM.
We never really mentioned "that" until we had decided to meet. At first, I was going to fly to England and we were making plans. I don't know what made me say it (and I don't know why I say a LOT of things) but thinking about the physical part made me nervous and as I do many times, I made a joke out of it.
"Y'know...." I told her late one night while on messenger "It's been a LONG time for me."
"Me too." came the reply.
"It's been a REALLY LONG time." I typed, hoping she'd understand what I meant.
"Me too." came the quick answer.
Good, we were on the same page. I was blushing and there was no one there to see me. I was squirming in my chair, hoping I hadn't been too rude, too presumptious, but even my anxiety didn't stop me from cracking wise.
"It's been so long, honey....well, all I gotta say is you'd better have a mattress strapped to your back when you meet me at the airport."
As soon as I hit "Send" on that last bit, I regretted it. I bet I had crossed the line. I sat there, turning even a more deeper shade of crimson.
It wasn't but a few seconds until her reply came on the screen:
"You'd better be the first man off the plane."
Welcome to America, Alison! Home of hot dogs, apple pie and very bad jokes.
December 11, 2008
From the email archives:
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked,
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."
You're Totally Sarcastic
You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny.
Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it.
And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitude, then too bad. So sad.
December 9, 2008
December 8, 2008
December 7, 2008
You Are Flannel Pajamas
You seek comfort above everything else. You rather feel good than look good.
You are a very relaxed person, especially when you're surrounded by your favorite things and people.
You are a homebody. Home is the place where you can truly be yourself.
You are likely to wear pajamas a lot. In fact, you often change into your pj's the minute you get home!
If I wore PJ's, they'd most likely be flannel. I wear sweats quite a bit during the winter and they're soft and warm, too...and good to wear all night then all day the next day.
Hey, they don't wrinkle!
December 6, 2008
From PCWorld, their list of the Top 11 Lamest Blogs
After an Internet-wide search, here are the 11 blogs that depressed--er, uh--impressed us the most with their lameness.
They should have contacted me before publishing this list; this blog would've made 'em an even dozen.
December 5, 2008
From the website:
The Texas You Will Remember!
Big Region! Big History! Big Fun!
The Texas Plains Trail Region is a wonderfully warm place to make your holiday memories. Our communities are filled with old-fashioned ways to celebrate this season with your family. Our region offers lots of quaint shops to find that special gift and Christmas celebrations that are sure to bring a smile. Check out the events calendar to plan an outing that will be remembered forever.
I believe I had come across this site before, searching for links about the Panhandle area, but today noticed a hit from the website on one of the "Cast Away" posts. The webmaster has been good enough to include this blog on their Movies in the Plains Region page.
We're gettin' famous here, folks...although, face it, we're a Pee Wee Herman blog in a Robert Redford universe.
December 4, 2008
Thanks for your recent mail.
My name is Sevil! I am 29 years old. I saw your profile and decided to write you because I like you very much. I am an interesting, beautiful, kind and single young lady. I want to find my love, my half and want to marry him. I am looking for a man who will fall in love with me and I will fall in love with him. I have never been married but I dream about it. I am fond of children and I dream about a happy family with the beloved man. I am interested in music, cooking, reading, traveling and others. I know English very good and can easily speak it because I work as a teacher of English at school.
If you are interested in me please write me on my e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Please write me and I will send you my photos. I wait for your letter very much.
Oh, Sevil, you don't know how long I've waited for someone like you to come into my life. I'll have to pass, however, as I would bet you are probably around 14 yrs. old.
Something else that raised my suspicions is the address the mail "came from".
Jack Thompson email@example.com
"Jack Thompson"??? Sure your name isn't Ivan Ivanovitch?
One thing's for sure, you're certainly a sorry slavic spammin' sunuvabitch.
From the Dictionary.com feed in the right-hand column
caitiff \KAY-tif\, noun, adjective:
1. cowardly and mean
1. a mean, cowardly person
Dictionary.com is a great website; I love their feed and when I need to look up the meaning of a word it's where I always go.
I also like how they give examples of a word, such as a snippet out of an article or book. Here's one they used for caitiff:
But there was no need: the towering threat and the flaming eye and the swift rush buffeted the caitiff away: he recoiled three steps, and nearly fell down.
-- Charles Reade, The Atlantic, 6/1/1943
caitliff = "cowardly and mean".
I really didn't need the example; I've "met" a million caitiffs in forums and message boards.
I like to make ringtones but the odd thing is I don't even have a cell phone. I'm not positive, but I think I'm the last person in the world to not own one. I was watching a National Geographic special the other day about some isolated tribe in the Amazon jungle and one of the bare-breasted girls had one up to her ear. (the ear without a bone in it)
Here's the first of many ringtones I've made that I have no use for. It's probably the most annoying and one I'd probably use.
December 2, 2008
At Letters from Santa, there are more than 20 printable letters from Santa Claus ready to instantly download and print. Great gift idea for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends and more. PDF version is free; editable Microsoft Word version is just $5.
Here's my fav: (click pic to enlarge)
Letters from Santa