Welcome to ToTG!

June 30, 2009


badinage \bad-n-AHZH\ , noun:
Light, playful talk; banter.

What's so bad about light, playful talk?

Seems like it should be called "goodinage".

Shape of Things to Come-Max Frost and the Troopers

Shape of Things - The Yardbirds

The Shape of Me

You Are Confident

You are self-assured and together. You have high self esteem.

Other people see you as outgoing, hyper, and even a bit overwhelming.

Your ideal romantic relationship is unconventional, wild, and very public.

You do best in tasks that require you to be logical, hard-working, and courageous.

Bend Me Shape Me - American Breed

June 29, 2009

A Beautiful Message About Growing Old

From the email archives:

A Beautiful Message About Growing Old

Aw hell, I forgot what it was.

The Dirty Mug

From the "Wish I had thought of that" dept.

From the site:

Coffee stains? Lipstick smudges? What a Dirty Mug! Ceramic coffee mug is purposely and strategically "dirtied" for your enjoyment.

The Dirty Mug

My coffee cups look like that anyway, come to think of it.

Well, there's no lipstick on 'em.

June 28, 2009

Billy Mays at McDonalds


Moonwalking Dog

The sum total of any Michael Jackson tribute you'll find in this blog.

A Hare-y Joke

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?

Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?


Convert any file into a web site!

From the site:

File2.ws is a free website that converts any of your own files into a public online web page. Every converted file to a web page has a unique web address so you can share it with friends, or other people on the internet. This allows information to be shared quickly and efficiently to a large audience.

Nifty as all get-out, especially as Google Sites are being discontinued and there's no registration required. Seems to be a great place to share files, but the FAQ says any files can be taken down at any time. There are also stipulations about copyrighted material, but I think this ringtone of mine wouldn't violate any laws since I'm only using a bit of it. I'll take it down after a week or two.


June 27, 2009

Terrorist Party Supplies

Having a terrorist theme party? Go to Amazon to get your supplies.

(Click for larger view)

To be honest, it's pretty silly to label Obama as a terrorist, even though he's attacking our wallets.

Do a search on Amazon for "Terrorist Costumes" and the results are even more silly:

Ron Paul is a terror to the RINOs and neocons in the Republican Party, sure, but Hillary is only a terror to Bill. She probably would've been one to Obama, but he got her out of a position where she could oppose him and put her right under his thumb. I'd bet Bill's probably pretty happy about all those Sec. of State trips,though.


quidnunc \KWID-nuhngk\ , noun:
One who is curious to know everything that passes; one who knows or pretends to know all that is going on; a gossip; a busybody.

That describes some next-door neighbors I used to have and some across the street that are still there.

When I first moved to this house, I used to have an old widow woman next door who told some other neighbors she thought I was dealing drugs. Why did she think that? I don't get a lot of company, but in the course of one day my nephew came to see me, an old friend dropped in and a woman stopped and wanted to know if she could have some of the seeds from my castor bean plants. Just because I had three visitors in one day when I usually didn't get that many in a week was enough to convict me in her puny little brain.

(she would also "borrow" things from me; hoes, shovels, etc. and never bring them back and when I'd see her with them she'd claim they were hers and had just got them back from when I had borrowed them! I finally blew a gasket after I had bought ten sacks of potting soil I found on sale and she "liberated" five sacks; I saw them on her porch and confronted her. Her excuse? I didn't need that much and she did. She kept her back gate locked and would carry their trash to the dumpster via MY yard. I couldn't keep grapes, apricots, peaches or cherries because as soon as they were ripe and I was at work, she'd come strip the fruit)

Her "simple" son used to go down the block where a guy had regular parties and this idiot neighbor would copy down license plate numbers to give to the cops. I told the doofus that they weren't selling drugs, just having parties, and if they WERE selling drugs, it was damn stupid to stand right behind the cars to get the tag numbers.

After my dad passed away, my nephews were helping me move some stuff to my house and as soon as we left, the neighbor across the street called the cops and reported a burglary.

I was furious and when he came over and told me he was "only concerned", I called him a dumbass and asked him what sort of burglars LEFT stuff.

Free Independence Day Printables

All sorts of July 4th printables to be had, free to download, print, and use.

US History printable coloring pages

Independence Day printable coloring pages

Patriotic stationery design

Firecracker recipe card

Patriotic free business card template

Certificate of Achievement - Flag certificate design

Military printable coloring pages

June 26, 2009

Your Wildest Dreams - The Moody Blues


One of the loveliest MB tunes...and also the saddest for me.

The Sears Catalog

From the email archives:

Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies......

'No, but it shouldn't be long now. '

'I got her clothes yesterday!'


Play The Operation Game

Not a "game", but a commentary on the current US healthcare system.

From the site:

Try and fix healthcare.

Any attempt to reform our collapsing healthcare system is up against powerful political forces. Who can save it? The clock is ticking!

The Operation Game

June 25, 2009

Volcano From Space

From NASA:

A fortuitous orbit of the International Space Station allowed the astronauts this striking view of Sarychev volcano (Russia’s Kuril Islands, northeast of Japan) in an early stage of eruption on June 12, 2009. Sarychev Peak is one of the most active volcanoes in the Kuril Island chain and is located on the northwestern end of Matua Island.

Nuke It!

From the website:

Have you ever wondered what would happen if a nuclear bomb goes off in your city? With Google's Maps framework and a bit of Javascript, you can see the outcome. And it doesn't look good.

Seems Like "Yesterday"

That the Beatles were on the Ed Sullivan show and then just a few hours later (meaning a too-short career, not literally) performing their last time together on a rooftop with an extra-long version of "Hey Jude" and ending with "Get Back".

Here's a cool website that has some early, unpublished photos of the Fab Four.

Unpublished Photos Of The Beatles When They Were Young.

I've Been Banned!

I saw a post about a show of which I wasn't familiar: "The Real Housewives of New Jersey". I Googled the show and decided to go to the official web site to see what it was all about. This is what greeted me when I arrived on the site:

(I've blacked out my IP number)

Like I said though, I'd only just heard of the show, so I couldn't understand why I'd been banned. They DO have msg. boards, but I've never been on them to stir things up.

Maybe my reputation is starting to precede me all over the 'net?

June 24, 2009


daedal \DEE-duhl\ , adjective:
1. Complex or ingenious in form or function; intricate.
2. Skillful; artistic; ingenious.
3. Rich; adorned with many things.

I don't think this blog could fit any of the definitions.

My life either, come to think of it.

June 23, 2009

Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who

E-Mail Icon Generator

Generate an email icon for a signature in forums or as a spam-foil on your blog or website with the nifty E-Mail Icon Generator.

Quite a few email providers are listed; GMail, MSN, Hotmail, Yahoo and many others.


pule \PYOOL\ , intransitive verb:
To whimper; to whine.

I've been accused of this by a couple of old girlfriends; they knew what it was because they themselves did it all the time, whining about me whining. The only thing I ever whined about was about them constantly whining.

Not So Subtle Subliminal

June 22, 2009


copse \KOPS\ , noun:
A thicket or grove of small trees.

I can use this in a sentence:

"The bank robbers made their getaway through the forest because they knew the copse were on their trail."

We're All Doomed

If this is an example of who we're turning the world over to.

Kid goes ballistic after his mom cuts off his WoW access.

What I'd like to know is this: How is sticking a remote control up his butt gonna solve anything?

Addressing This Quiz

Your Address Says You're Friendly

Right now, you are enjoying your life as it is. You wouldn't change a thing.

You feel happy for what you have. There's a lot to be thankful for.

At your best, you are welcoming and outgoing. You have a lot to give.

At your worst, you are a bit too giving toward other people. You need to think of yourself first sometimes.

49 and Holding

For over a week now this has been the message on my US Flag Counter:

That's pretty neat, considering it's only been 3 weeks since I put in the counter.

BUT, when navigating to the Flag Map, I noticed two states haven't visited this blog, both North and South Dakota:

Looking through the list, I see that it counts the District of Columbia as a state, so there's the problem.

OTOH, I better not hold my breath waiting waiting for visits from President Obama's "57 States".

On a related note, I noticed that there's now a Visitor Log which details more on each visitor, whether they're a new visitor or a new visitor from a new state (the same with the country flag counter) and what sort of operating system they're using as well as what browser.

The country count is now up to 75, and that's in less than two months of the counter being on this blog.

Cool. I suppose it's nothing really to brag about; I know of some blogs that probably get that many visitors a day as I've had total, but I think it's still neat.

Uncle Jay Explains (6-22)

Full-Time Job

genieOne day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside.

He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously and a genie appeared.

"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said,

"I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Done!!" said the Genie,

"You're a housewife."

June 21, 2009

Valentine Lady - Blue Mist

NOTE: Original vid was taken down, but this one was recently uploaded.
A little soothing Sunday music.

This is a video of a friend's group based in Austin. I featured a post about his mother after she passed away a few months ago. I accidentally stumbled across this video and a few others at YouTube after doing a search for the group.

Unless the make-up of the band has changed, I believe all the members are legally blind. (although the guy playing the bass glances at the camera, but that doesn't mean he's not visually impaired. You will notice them being led into the venue near the first of the vid) My friend Jimmy is the one playing the keyboard and is a very talented young man. (His face is never pictured and he's NOT the man playing the piano, but there are several shots of Jimmy's hands, esp. at the first. You can also see him at the right of the video when the song first starts)

Their music can be purchased at CD Baby. They also have a MySpace page with a selection of a few of their tunes.

Past Life Analysis

Who were you in your last life?

To know the answer, just type in the date when you were born in your present life.

Your past life diagnosis: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA North-Center around the year 1375. Your profession was that of a preacher, publisher or writer of ancient inscriptions.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life: Artistic personality, always transforming the ugly into the beautiful, gray into bright colors. You would find an opportunity of creative self-expression in any situation.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation: Your main lesson is to develop magnanimity and a feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to take only as much, as you can give back.

Do you remember now?

Past Life Analysis

June 20, 2009

A Little Trouble in Big Hollywood

Here lately I've been getting my political fix at Big Hollywood, a fantastic site that blends movie reviews with conservative views on current events and politics. (a rare treat indeed, because the words "Hollywood" and "conservative" are seldom, if ever, mentioned in the same sentence) I like it for that reason, plus it's a chance to see a seldom-seen side of the celebs who post and at times interact with them.

They've been having some trouble with their IntenseDebate forum software; comments not going through, double replies and pages taking forever to load. (shades of MSN Groups!) Most of the time it's not funny, and even though I've taken a screenshot of a similar glitch, this IS still funny:

May 15th Storm Vids

Was just going through some vids at YouTube and noticed there were several new ones taken during the May 15th storm I wrote about in "Dodged a Bullet" and "Friday's Storm".

This first one is from a tornado watcher's vehicle, taken just a few blocks from my house. (I'd already left by that time, headed away from the storm, although I did give some thought to trying to take some photos...the first huge hailstones changed my mind for me, though)

These next two are vids of one of the tornados that touched down. The first one was shot just off of Hwy 60; I think the second one was on the opposite side of the storm; it looks to have been shot on Hwy 282, just a few miles from where I grew up.


ebullient \ih-BUL-yuhnt\ , adjective:
1. Overflowing with enthusiasm or excitement; high-spirited.
2. Boiling up or over.

I've never been the ebullient sort; oh, I've boiled over, but that was from rage.

Somehow I don't think that'd count as "high-spirited".

He's Barack Obama

According to This

I'm gonna live forever.

Chubby people live longest

Inflation Calculator

From the website:

The inflation calculator uses U.S. government provided Consumer Price Index (CPI) data to measure the purchasing power of the dollar over time. It’ll provide a look into the present, past or any time between.

How to use: You can start with any date from 1913 through 2009. The first date field can also begin in the present, like 2009, and then move backwards – each method is interesting. The inflation calculator starts with default values just to give a quick glimpse into how it works. Simply clear or edit the numbers with your own.

This site made me think of the first wages I ever made at a "real" job. It was back in the early 70's and like most kids then and now, I made minimum wage: $1.90/hr. Sometime shortly after that, it went up to two dollars an hour. Working for the county, which wasn't bound by overtime laws, we were allowed to work fifty hours a week for a cool hundred bucks, less taxes.

(which I seem to recall was something like seven/eight dollars taken out of each weekly paycheck. I was annoyed that I had to work a half day each week to pay Uncle Sam. Little did I know those were the good ol' days, huh?)

Using the inflation calculator, I input my first hourly wage and what it would be now adjusted for inflation:

Ten bucks an hour is quite a bit above minimum wage now! I guess I was luckier than I thought! Discussing what we wanted to do when we got out on our own, a friend of mine said he wanted to be a cowboy; "400 bucks a month, a house furnished and all the beef you can eat!" he exclaimed. "What more could you want?"

Going to a "flashback site", I found that milk was $1.18 per gallon in 1971.

Of course, milk is an agricultural commodity and is subject to the vagaries of the markets, but I bought 2 gallons for five dollars just the other day. I see it for 3 bucks or less all the time.

(and speaking of agriculture markets; I noticed in the paper that the hog market was something like $73/cwt. It was .53 cents a lb. during my first foray into the pig raising business...then dropped to .17 cents just a couple of months later)

I then wondered what gasoline should be adjusted for inflation. I remember when I first started driving it was 28.9 cents, then went up to 32.9 and stayed there for several years...except when there were gasoline wars between stations and sometimes the price would drop to less than .20 cents. (probably at cost to the station) After the first Arab oil embargo the price went up to 53.9 and hasn't looked back since.

So, I found something that outstripped the cost of inflation, or did I? Gasoline was $2.49 yesterday when I filled up, having increased quite a bit since the last time I filled up a month or so ago. The federal tax on gasoline was .04 cents a gallon in '71; by 2008 it had gone up to 18.4. State taxes on gasoline vary from state to state; here in Texas it's .20 per gallon.

At first glance, even allowing for the increase in federal and state taxes, it would seem that gasoline has gone up much more than it should have, all things and inflation considered, but there is a larger demand for it now than was then, so I don't think the current price is so much out of line.

I could have compared the then and now cost of dozens of different things, but the few I tried were enough for me. I remember my ex-wife, then girlfriend, buying one of the first hand-held calculators in 1977 for $79.99. Now you can buy one that has much more computing power for less than ten dollars; you can even buy a keychain calculator for less than a dollar!

I also remember my folks buying a Curtis Mathis color TV in the 60's for something like a thousand bucks (probably two months wages for dad). It was a large "console" model and although I haven't seen one like it in years, fairly large screen TVs can be had for at least half that amount.

Good old days? Maybe we're living in 'em right now!

June 19, 2009

What I Say - Ray Charles


nimiety \nih-MY-uh-tee\ , noun:
The state of being too much; excess.

Nimiety is one state this blog will never be in. Oh, I suppose I post too many vids when I get lazy and waffle on some when I write about myself, but other than that, substantial content is fairly rare...on the downhill side of most any, actually.

A Rush of Reddit Readers

Thanks to this post on Reddit, this blog has had 3-4 times the normal daily new visitors as usual. (my regular readers aren't "normal" or they wouldn't be here)

They were following a link left to a post from over a year ago: The Week I Was Born. The subject of the Reddit post was the photo of the man with the huge grasshopper.

Earlier today I took a screenshot of the Feedjit counter and the page changed a half dozen times as I watched, with most new visitors coming from the Reddit site.

(click to view larger size)

There's not been any new non-US visitors, but thanks to the link, there's only one more US state to complete the entire fifty!

EDIT: The FlagCounter Page views shows how much the traffic increased yesterday, and I've noticed with the Feedjit counter that they're still coming in from Reddit!

June 18, 2009

Big Brother is Alive and Well

In Bozeman City, Montana.

Bozeman City job requirement raises privacy concerns

If you want to work for the city, you'll need to "list any and all, current personal or business websites, web pages or memberships on any Internet-based chat rooms, social clubs or forums, to include, but not limited to: Facebook, Google, Yahoo, YouTube.com, MySpace, etc.," the City form states. There are then three lines where applicants can list the Web sites, their user names and log-in information and their passwords."

Good Grief! It's bad enough for them to require the names of your blogs and forums to which you belong, plus your usernames....but they want your PASSWORDS too?

I always figured that Texas would be one of the last places where stuff like this would be required,but also thought Montana would be THE last place.

"1984" has finally arrived. The end is near when fascists have invaded Montana.


Today marks the day, 194 years ago, that Wellington defeated Napoleon's forces at Waterloo, shaping history to this day.

(one of the funniest things I ever read on a bathroom wall was "Waterloo: Where Napoleon pulled his Bonaparte.")

I could've posted a video in honor of the historical event, but decided on this one instead.

To my close friends who read this blog and know of whom I'm writing, the blonde in ABBA, Agnetha Fältskog, is a spittin' image of elle when she was about 17 yrs. old.

"puffballs with stubby wings"

So says the description at the 4-H Eggcam (featured before in ToTG)

The guinea keets have hatched!

guinea keets

4-H Eggcam


NationStates is based upon a novel, Jennifer Government by Max Barry.

From the site

NationStates is a free nation simulation game. Build a nation and run it according to your own warped political ideals. Create a Utopian paradise for society's less fortunate or a totalitarian corporate police state. Care for your people or deliberately oppress them. Join the World Assembly or remain a rogue state. It's up to you.


I've signed up!

Location: The North Pacific

Regional Influence: Minnow

The Republic of ToTG is a fledgling, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 5 million have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Religion & Spirituality, Law & Order, and Education. The average income tax rate is 21%. A substantial private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Uranium Mining and Retail.

Crime is moderate. ToTG's national animal is the cat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the mike.

MartyBTV - Stadium Tour

Make a Celebrity Odd

Go to the site and type in the name of a celeb and click the "odd" button:

John Wayne

Al Franken (he looks odd without the special effects)

James Cagney

Joe Biden (He's just odd, period)

Make a Celebrity Odd

June 17, 2009

Some Body

Good Grief, whatever for? Organ transplants? As a punching bag? To grind up and feed to the hogs?

Say What?

From the email archives:

"Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine."
- Radio news announcer

"All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium."
- Ralph Kiner, NY Sportscaster

"We'll be back with the recrap after this message."
- Ralph Kiner, Mets sportscaster

"In the hunt to buy the San Francisco Giants was George Shinn, owner of the Charlotte Harlots." - Ralph Kiner, Mets broadcaster

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
- Ray Forsythe, Clemson recruit, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"While sitting in a tavern, someone hit my nose from behind."
- reason given for insurance claim

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"Mattie's Restaurant and Yogurt Palace, 'An alternative to Good Eating'"
- Restaurant Business Card from Decatur, Texas

"I didn't accept it. I received it."
- Richard Allen, National Security Adviser to former President Reagan, explaining the $1000 in cash and two watches he was given by two Japanese journalists after he helped arrange a private interview for them with First Lady Nancy Reagan.

"Mr. Milosevic has to be careful. The calendar is ticking."
- Richard Haas, NBC News consultant

Double Fall

Double Fall

Test your ambidextrous skills with this double screen game.


In this game you control 2 balls, one on each side of the screen. Control the left ball with A and D and the right ball with right and left. Your goal on the left side is to go through the spaces without being forced out the top, while on the right side it is to find the spaces to avoid being squashed at the bottom. The game gets harder and time goes on.

Play Double Fall

Save Your Printer!

From the website:

is a free online utility to allow you to print a blank sheet of paper from your printer in case you need a clean white, blank sheet of paper to write on. No download required.

June 16, 2009

Walk Don't Run - The Ventures

Was saddened earlier today to hear of the passing of Bob Bogle, co-founder and lead guitarist of the Ventures.

From The News Tribune of Tacoma:

Bogle, a resident of Vancouver, Wash., was 75 when he died on Sunday. He suffered from non-Hodgkin lymphoma and became too frail to play with the Ventures in his waning years, but lived long enough to see his band inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in March 2008.

When I was a kid, I used to listen over and over and over again to the Ventures albums we had until I wore them out; Golden Greats was the first thing I bought with the very first money I ever earned. It's one of my Top Ten favorite albums.

Back in November I posted Sleepwalk.

RIP Bob Bogle

I'm Nacho Average Blogger

You Are Nachos

You are outgoing and generous. You love to share your life with other people.

You are carefree and light-hearted. You try to always make the best of things.

While you enjoy being with other people, you also value your alone time.

You like to reflect, think, and pick things apart. You like to study everything carefully.

Deep Thoughts

From the email archives:

A day without sunshine is like night.

College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.

A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
-- Steven King, 3/8/90

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
-- Abraham Maslow

He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
-- English Professor, Ohio University

What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a Moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

To err is human, to moo bovine.

"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs."
-- Robert Firth

The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

June 15, 2009

Goofy Goat

Uncle Jay Explains (6-15)

US National Debt Clock

View various categories of US debt in real-time with this website.

(that's not even all the page; you'll need to scroll down to view all the categories of debt)

US National Debt Clock

June 14, 2009

Flag Day

The National Flag Day Foundation

Flag of the United States

How to Practice National Flag Etiquette

Sound Jay

From the website:

Welcome to Sound Jay's free sound effects web site! You are allowed to use the sounds on our website free of charge and royalty free in your projects but you are NOT allowed to post the sounds on any web site for others to download, link directly to individual sound files, or sell the sounds to anyone else. Remember to read Terms of Use before downloading and using the sound effects or music tracks. Most files are 16 bit stereo 44.1 kHz or 48 kHz high quality sound effects. Remember to bookmark us, as we will often add new sounds.


Computer Hell

From the email archives:

Bill Gates dies and goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Because of that, I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. After that, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

June 13, 2009

Kiss You All Over - Exile


prestidigitation \pres-tuh-dij-uh-TAY-shuhn\ , noun:
Skill in or performance of tricks; sleight of hand.

I'm not sure it's skill, but it's certainly akin to magic that this blog has lasted as long as it has.

ToTG News is Old News

Welcome to the new news. (in the right-hand column)

I've decided to change the news feed from KFDA, the Amarillo CBS affiliate, to KVII, the Amarillo ABC affiliate.

The reason? CBS is the home of David Letterman, the gap-toothed, bitter old grouch who has a late night show on that network. Letterman recently had a Top Ten list lambasting Sarah Palin, the Alaskan governor and recent VP candidate. (article) Jokes at Palin are all fair game, even if he did say she looked like a slutty airline stewardess (you should see HIS wife; unattractive would be kind), but he also made the "joke" that Palin's daughter was knocked up by A-Rod during the seventh inning stretch when Palin and her daughter recently attended a Yankees game.

Now, I'm sure he meant Bristol, the oldest/18 yr. old daughter who had a child out of wedlock (and Dave had a child out of wedlock, too), but the problem was it was Palin's younger daughter Willow who attended the game with her mom.

Willow is 14.

The "joke" wouldn't have been funny even if Bristol had been the one attending the game, and although Letterman issued an obviously insincere apology, the damage has been done.

I quit watching Letterman years and years ago; I used to be a huge fan, getting up earlier than I usually would before my evening tour shift on the rig to watch his morning comedy show and after he moved to nights, hurrying home to watch. Shortly after he switched networks from NBC to ABC, I changed shifts and rarely got to see his show, then managed to catch a few back during the start of this decade and found him to have turned hateful and mean and into a left-wing tool.

What's astounding are the posts I've seen defending Letterman. I'd like to know if jokes about Obama's daughters getting raped would be all right?

Of course they wouldn't.

I've seen thousands of cases of hypocrisy from the right-wing, especially from the "Religious Right" but the MSM never, ever points out the many instances of that same sort of hypocrisy from the left. How can they defend the indefensible? Don Imus was forced to resign because of his remarks; I think CBS should do the same and cancel Letterman. Imus' remarks were bigoted, but Letterman was joking about rape. Which one is worse?

If you have a single functioning brain cell, you'll know which one.

Sure, my action won't affect the network one iota, nor will there be a molecule's worth of difference to the local station, but it's a stand on principle.

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I recognize a real bastard when I see one.

Your Sister Can't Twist - Elton John

But She Can Rock and Roll

A great rockin' song for Saturday

June 12, 2009

Virus Alert!

From the email archives:

If you get an e-mail titled "nude photos of Sarah Palin," don't open it.

It could contain a virus.

If you get an e-mail titled "nude photos of Nancy Pelosi," don't open it..

It could contain nude photos of Nancy Pelosi.

June 11, 2009

Close, but....

At this moment, I'm sitting here listening to online radio, namely the Michael Smerconish Show. (that's his website; I'm listening to AOL Radio which replaced my Yahoo/ATT Launchcast) I wouldn't ordinarily listen to him; he's a blowhard, it's "all about him" and he fills in the time between commercials with plugs for his book. To top all that off, he says he's a conservative Republican, yet admits to voting for Obama. Sheesh. I can listen to liberals, but I don't much care to listen to hypocrites.

I wasn't paying a lot of attention, but instead was concentrating on trying to win the 122,347th game of Hearts I've played, then Smerconish brought up a topic I thought interesting and the show started taking phone calls. The subject was "What president would you most like to play golf with?" One of the first callers brought up Ronald Reagan and I immediately thought you'd have to give him a pretty extreme handicap being as how he's dead and all that. I understood the premise, though, so I played along with the fantasy picks.

My first choice of a president I'd like to play golf with was Eisenhower because I think it'd be cool to talk to him about WWII while we played and one caller echoed my choice. The other presidents named were Bush I and II and someone called in and said "Nixon" because he knew he could beat him. (And the inference was he'd not only beat him in the match, but he'd beat him with his nine-iron. Good Grief, the guy's dead and the hate still lives on)

Another guy called in and named Obama because "I've heard he's honest with his scorecard." I didn't doubt that, but figured you'd never get to see it and you'd also get stuck with the greens fees and the tab from the clubhouse bar...for the next 20 years.

Then some woman calls in and in a gushing voice said she'd LOVE to play golf with Clinton. "I think it's be SO COOL to play a round with him". Hmm, from the sound of her voice, it sounded like "play around with him"....and that's probably what she meant, from the unbridled admiration that came through the speakers. She went on: "I'd love to sit there and smoke a cigar with him, just talk about STUFF!"

Uh, dear heart, I'm sure Mr. Clinton would want to talk about "stuff", probably "your stuff". I also wouldn't take a cigar from him, not in any shape, form or fashion.



redivivus \red-uh-VY-vuhs; -VEE-\ , adjective:
Living again; brought back to life; revived; restored.

I wasn't at all familiar with this word; when I first saw it, I thought "That sounds like some spell Harry Potter would do!" He'd flick his wand and say REDIVIVUS! and the skidmarks would come out of his underwear or sumpthin'.

Some of these words are too high-falutin', y'know? If it means "revived" or "restored", why not just say "revived" or "restored"?

100 Best Movie Lines in 200 Seconds

June 10, 2009


disport \dis-PORT\ , intransitive verb:
1. To amuse oneself in light or lively manner; to frolic.

transitive verb:
1. To divert or amuse.
2. To display.

I disport with this blog, but have yet to frolic.

Air Vortex Cannon

Cats are Fine

Face in Hole

"Who do you want to be today?"

Another cool website for those of us who are Photoshop-challenged. Just like the photography places one can find at tourist traps, FaceinHole.com lets you put your face (or someone elses) onto someone else's body.

Pick a template from the many offered, upload the photo of your choice and using the controls, manipulate it to best fit.

I didn't want to post MY photo, so I chose our President's mug. This is one I made for a political forum I sometimes post in; it's in response to a thread that was condemning Obama for cutting NASA funding. (although I don't think that's happened yet and funding is controlled by Congress)

Here's another one that will be sure to gain me some favor the next time they accuse Obama of being a coward in regards to (pick one) Iraq, Iran, China, North Korea, Russia, etc.

Here's my favorite (so far): Ringo Hussein Starr

There's even a game you can create with an uploaded pic. (my conservative political forum should REALLY like that one) They also offer the code for embedding in websites. (although it's a bit too wide for my blog post column)


June 9, 2009


paragon \PAIR-uh-gon; -guhn\ , noun:
A model of excellence or perfection; as, "a paragon of beauty"; a paragon of eloquence.

I'm no paragon.

I'm as ugly as a pair of goons.

ToTG Trivia Tournament

Test your big brain with the new

ToTG Trivia Tournament

This was always a hit in MSN Groups, so I thought it would be a good addition to this worthless excuse for a blog.

I will try to change the categories every week, unless the easy general trivia is what most everyone wants. Something new since I last played is the option to give the same questions to each player or a completely new set each time. For now it's the same questions, but that can be changed if anyone bitches desires starts cheating.

There's an updating scoreboard in the right-hand navbar with a link to the quiz.

Sign up, it's easy to do! When you've done that, you're ready to play.

After hitting the "start quiz" button, the quiz will start; it's a timed quiz, the faster you go the more points you score. (that's where the scrollwheel comes in handy!) There are ten questions. Wrong answers take points away; unchecked questions count as a wrong answer.

Good Luck! You'll need it playing me!

ToTG Trivia Tournament

A "bump" to try to get others in the game!

Rag Doll - Aerosmith

Free Country Music

Free country tunes from People. Get new tracks from Jason Aldean, Luke Bryan and more stars – free!

Good bitrate for each song, too. Only one is 128kbs; the rest are 160/193kbs.

country music Free Country Music