Welcome to ToTG!

July 31, 2009

Bandsaw Magic

sui generis

sui generis\soo-eye-JEN-ur-us; soo-ee-\ , adjective:
1.Being the only example of its kind; constituting a class of its own; unique.

This is a word not familiar to me, but it could describe me or this blog.

I'm not so sure that would necessarily be a good thing, either.

July 30, 2009

Trashy Christmas Present

Limited edition gold-plated trash can

Only 25 pieces to be made; retail between $10,000 and $15,000.

It would be nice if whoever bought this for me would also give me some diamonds to throw away.

From Salad Days to Salad Daze

You Are Taco Salad

You are brutally honest and totally real. You can't be bothered to be fake for a second.

You are a total riot. You have a wicked sense of humor, and you crack people up.

You often shock people with your antics. You have a very spicy personality.

You are energetic and intense. You live every moment to its fullest.

July 28, 2009

Strange Auto-Completes

When I use Google.

I've found some weird ones; here are a few:

July 27, 2009

Uncle Jay Explains (4-27)

The Potato Girl

An old joke that I wish I had remembered last week.

There once was a young girl potato who had potato parents who loved her and tried to give her everything she needed or wanted. They bought her the best clothes, bought her a nice car and sent her to the best schools.

One day she came home from college and announced she was getting married. Her parents were worried she was making a rash and wrong decision and told her so.

"We'd like you to finish school." they told her.

"No, I want to get married." she informed them. "I don't care about college. The man I want to marry is smart and successful enough for both of us."

"Well, who is this guy you want to marry?" they asked.

"Walter Cronkite." she said.

"You can't marry HIM!" her parents exclaimed.

"Just why not???" she asked.

"Well...." her folks said, choosing their words carefully.

"He's just a common tater."

Fly Guy

I love Simon's Cat.

July 26, 2009

77 Days Later

A screenshot of this blog's state flag counter:

Whew, this sure saves me from some sleepless nights! I had been worrying about it.

Although I've still got a few more states to go, according to the president.

Put Texas in Your Corner

Cute advert on TV about Texas vehicle registration

July 25, 2009

Crazy on You - Heart

Goodbye Gidget

Famous Taco Bell Chihuahua Dead at 15

The famous Taco Bell Spokesdog – who charmed audiences with the catchphrase “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” – has died.

Gidget, the 15-year-old Chihuaha, suffered a fatal stroke Tuesday night, according to a report from People magazine.

The “mostly-retired” canine also appeared in the film “Legally Blonde 2,” starring as Bruiser’s mom. In addition, she appeared in a commercial for the ‘90s edition of Trivial Pursuit.

When she wasn’t starring in films and commercials, Gidget enjoyed taking hikes, sunning her fur and sleeping for 23 hours, her trainer Sue Chipperton told People.

“She made so many people happy,” Chipperton said. “Gidget always knew where the camera was.”

"Gidget enjoyed taking hikes, sunning her fur and sleeping for 23 hours..."

Wow, me and the dog had something in common.

I ate at Taco Bell yesterday and the meat in my taco tasted funny.

Just sayin', that's all.

I AM a little bit more upset at this news than I was over Michael Jackson.

July 24, 2009

A Clip, But No Money

A couple of days ago I won a bottle opener (No Cap on My Luck!)from Marlboro and today I received an email telling me I've won a cowhide money clip.

Too bad I don't have any money to put in it. I'd rather have won the cow.

Well, I'd rather have the cow AND money, because together they'd be....

... a cash cow.

Fit For a King

Something else on my Christmas Wish List.

Dagobert Wooden Toilet Throne - Solid Ash Wood

Don't forget the matching scrub brush.

Patience is a Virtue

If that's true, then I'm a fidgeting streetwalker.

The results were surprising to me; I've always thought I had absolutely no patience at all.

You Are Patient Enough

In most cases, you are patient enough to keep it together.

You may feel impatient on the inside, but you don't usually let it show.

However, if you're made to wait for too long, you will usually crack.

You're only human, after all. You don't like for your patience to be tested.

Time Won't Let Me - The Outsiders

July 23, 2009

Ma Belle Amie - The Tee Set

Ma belle amie, apres tout les beau jours, je te dit merci merci!

( My good friend, after all the beautiful days, I tell you thank you thank you! )

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Or so the old adage says.

It was several years ago and I was working in a liquor store while going back to school. It was an interesting job and while I didn't make much money at it, it had its perks, such as meeting all sorts of women and getting invited to parties. (sometimes the invites were issued because they thought I'd bring all the booze)

I had met a nice young lady several weeks prior and was invited by her to come to a party at her house after I got off work. To be honest, I was attracted to her, but also to one of her friends who had come into the store with her, and both women seemed to be interested in me. (I hadn't any kinky stuff in mind, but was flattered by the attention. It's rare for even ONE woman to be interested in me, and two was doubly so)

Before closing the store for the night, I purchased a 1.75L of vodka; nearly everyone who drinks likes vodka and it's a good, neutral mixer. Besides that, it was cheap.

I got to the party and everyone was glad to see me, at least they were glad to see the booze because they were nearly out. The hostess had put her kids to bed, but her friend was having some problems getting her baby to sleep. I was introduced to the folks I didn't know and also to the friend's brother sitting at the kitchen table, a rather surly looking young man with long, long hair and a full beard.

I asked the young woman if it was OK to make me a drink and was told "Sure, make me one too!" A couple of other people attending the party wanted me to make them a drink, too, so I did so after washing my hands in the kitchen sink. The surly guy was sitting there at the dining table with an empty glass, so I politely asked him if he wanted me to make him a drink, too.

He didn't even speak, instead shaking his head. "You sure?" I asked again. "I'm making mine and these others." "Nope." he replied. "I'll get my sister to make mine."

"My hands are clean." I joked with him. He again declined, telling me "Nuthin' against you, dude, just want my sister to make it for me." He then rudely yelled at her in the next room "Hey, come make me a drink."

She walked into the room, cradling her crying child. "Gee thanks, ya jerk, you woke up your niece." Nonplussed, he said "Make me a drink, 'k?"

"Let Mike make it; he's already making the others and I heard him ask you!" she exclaimed.

"Rather YOU make it." he replied to her back as she turned and left the kitchen.

"Man, I washed my hands." I told him again.

"I'm just paranoid." he answered. "I don't know you."

Sheesh, what did the guy think I was going to do, put something in his drink? I wasn't wanting to get into HIS pants, after all.

"That why you got a beard?" I asked him. " Afraid to shave, 'fraid that SOB in the mirror will cut your throat?" I joked, but he didn't find it funny. I didn't care, because I was insulted by his attitude. Once again, he yelled to his sister to come fix his drink.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, his sister popped into the room, and with an obvious annoyed posture, grabbed his glass, went over to the fridge, grabbed some ice with her bare hands and put it into the glass, poured some vodka and orange juice into it, then stirred the mixture with her finger. With an exaggerated gesture, she plopped the glass down in front of her brother.

Without even thanking her, he picked up his glass and took a long swig. "Ahhh, that's what I was needing." he declared.

"Good." his sister said sarcastically.

She continued: "Just to let you know, I just changed your niece's diaper."

July 22, 2009


glabrous\GLAY-bruhs\ , adjective:
1. Smooth; having a surface without hairs, projections, or any unevenness.

That pretty much describes my head from the ears up.

Well, there IS that point on the top, but....

Mad Fold-Ins

The New York Times has a nifty homage to the back cover fold-ins of Mad Magazine.

The page is in a slideshow type format; click on the right-hand side and "pull" the image to the left, folding it over as you would do the magazine to reveal the hidden message.

My mom used to buy Mad Magazines for me and my sisters when she would go to the grocery store. The mag was then a hilariously funny satire of popular culture and politics, but in the last several years has slanted so far to the left that, a few years ago when I showed my mom an issue I had bought, she threw it in the trash basket.

Mad Fold-Ins

Embedding a YouTube Video

May Cost You a Bundle in ASCAP Bills

Fresh off a court victory against Google's YouTube, ASCAP tells us it is setting its sights on users of the video-sharing site. Welcome to the exciting world of copyright licensing, blogger; you may already owe gobs of money!

ASCAP licenses the performance rights for music, collecting royalties for its songwriter members when their songs are played in certain contexts.

Those contexts now include a YouTube video embedded on your blog or website, assuming your site is not "purely" non-commercial and is deemed large enough by ASCAP. The group just sent a collection letter to internet entrepreneur Jason Calacanis (pictured) for YouTube videos embedded on his Mahalo reference site. Based on what the group told Valleywag, other startups should be worried:

"ASCAP does not offer licenses to – or require licenses from – those who simply make their personal blogs available on purely noncommercial Web sites. Mahalo.com is a larger venture than simply a personal blog, and therefore ASCAP is engaged in discussions with Mr. Calacanis concerning the use of ASCAP members' music on the site."

ASCAP sent collection letters to other website owners in the spring; YouTube told recipients to refer the group back to YouTube. But then a judge ruled Google owed ASCAP $1.6 million while a court fight between the two sides over licensing drags on. At some point, website owners are going to start wondering how much longer Google will offer to handle all the legal complaints over YouTube embeds — and just how many songs they've embedded over the years and now owe royalties on.

I'm not worried; they can't get blood out of a turnip, and my own defense would be this: How am I to know whether someone posting a YT vid has permission or not?

YouTube does a pretty good job of policing this stuff as seen in so many videos I've posted being taken down.

You Tube has this to say

There have been a few questions in the forum regarding ASCAP and we wanted to provide our perspective on the issue. We have become aware of yet another misguided effort on the part of ASCAP to double dip--this time by pressuring third-party websites which embed YouTube videos to pay royalties to ASCAP. We believe there is no legal basis for ASCAP's position because YouTube itself is currently licensed by ASCAP pursuant to its application made under the antitrust consent decree that governs ASCAP's operations. The license requested by YouTube covers all US public performances of ASCAP music in YouTube videos from YouTube's servers all the way through to the end user, regardless of whether a third-party website is embedding the YouTube player. We believe that YouTube has already cleared any necessary public performance rights for US playbacks of ASCAP songs, and ASCAP's attempt to collect an additional payment from another party for the very same stream is not credible.


YouTube Team

Hail, South Dakota!

From Wiki:

Hail! South Dakota! (1943) is the official state song of South Dakota, selected by popular vote. It was written and composed by DeeCort Hammitt (1893-1970).

Lyrics (midi file, so you can sing along)

Hail! South Dakota! a great state of the land;
Health, wealth and beauty, that's what makes her grand;
She has her Black Hills, and mines with gold so rare,
And with her scenery, no other state can compare.

Come where the sun shines, and where life's worth your while;
You won't be here long, till you'll wear a smile;
No state's so healthy, and no folk quite so true.
To South Dakota we welcome you.

Hail! South Dakota! the state we love the best,
Land of our fathers, builders of the west;
Home of the Badlands, and Rushmore's ageless shrine,
Black Hills and prairies, farmland and sunshine.
Hills, farms and prairies, blessed with bright sunshine.

What's this got to do with this blog, one more-or-less devoted to this part of Texas? Well, South Dakota is the only state that's not represented by a visitor since I put in the state Flag Counter at the bottom of the page a couple of months ago. North Dakota was the next-to-last state, but someone from there visited yesterday. (thanks for the heads-up, Barb!)

I don't know what it was that kept that part of the country from visiting; decency and good sense, I reckon.

Maybe, just maybe, Google will index this soon and someone from the state will be searching for the lyrics or melody and click on the link. If it doesn't, then I'll title a post "South Dakota Gay Dwarfs Who Love Their Sister's Feet".

That'll bring 'em from all over, betcha.

(although "out of the woodwork" isn't a state)

July 21, 2009

No Cap on My Luck!

I just won a bottle opener from Marlboro, similar to this one ->

I don't drink beer and the sodas I do drink are in cans, so....

Sure wish it could've been the gold, or the car, or even the box of meat.

Better that than a date with the Marlboro Man, I guess.

Anyway, I already have a similar bottle opener, only it's a Dr. Pepper one.

I thought it an antique, but...

...they're at Amazon for $7.95.

As long as I don't have to run in 'em

You Are Running Shorts

You are an energetic and hyper person. You are always on the go.

You are driven and motivated. You can always make it to the finish line.

You're confident and self-assured. You know you're not perfect, but you're pretty darn happy with who you are.

You are conscientious and responsible. You are able to do the right thing, even when it's not the easy thing.

Short Shorts - The Royal Teens

Free Money!

From the site:

Fifteen different free printable play money designs that you can download and print. Teach your kids how to count money. Let them set up a pretend bank or store. Or print out a small fortune and roll around on the floor in it: it's not as valuable as the real thing, but it's much easier to come by!

Printable Play Money

July 20, 2009

Uncle Jay Explains (7-20)

Apollo 11 on the Sea of Tranquility

One Small Step

From the NASA website

(to mark the occasion, that link is to a splash page with the video of the first step onto the moon, then it will lead into the regular home page)

Click photos for larger view.

A close-up view of an astronaut's bootprint in the lunar soil, photographed with a 70mm lunar surface camera during the Apollo 11 extravehicular activity (EVA) on the Moon. While astronauts Neil A. Armstrong, commander, and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr., lunar module pilot, descended in the Lunar Module (LM) "Eagle" to explore the Sea of Tranquility region of the Moon, astronaut Michael Collins, command module pilot, remained with the Command and Service Modules (CSM) "Columbia" in lunar orbit.

Astronaut Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr., lunar module pilot of the first lunar landing mission, poses for a photograph beside the deployed United States flag during an Apollo 11 Extravehicular Activity (EVA) on the lunar surface. The Lunar Module (LM) is on the left, and the footprints of the astronauts are clearly visible in the soil of the Moon. Astronaut Neil A. Armstrong, commander, took this picture with a 70mm Hasselblad lunar surface camera. While astronauts Armstrong and Aldrin descended in the LM, the "Eagle", to explore the Sea of Tranquility region of the Moon, astronaut Michael Collins, command module pilot, remained with the Command and Service Modules (CSM) "Columbia" in lunar-orbit.


pastiche\pas-TEESH; pahs-\ , noun:
1. A work of art that imitates the style of some previous work.
2. A musical, literary, or artistic composition consisting of selections from various works.
3. A hodgepodge; an incongruous combination of different styles and ingredients.

Another word that describes this blog, even to the point of matching all three definitions.

Well, except for "work of art" and "artistic composition".

"Hodgepodge" and "incongruous combination" fit rather well.


Texas! from Greene HD Productions on Vimeo.

Smokey Looking

Click for larger view; it's done with my FotoSketcher program where it looks like an honest-to-goodness fake painting.

July 19, 2009

I Slept Through the Monsoon

This is a screenshot of my TV screen, taken just a few minutes ago; it's the local radar channel and has warnings when the weather is severe, as well as temps, wind speed and direction and total rainfall.

I'll crop and magnify the troubling details:

Surprisingly, it's fairly dry out for getting close to a hundred inches of rain earlier. I've always loved sleeping to the sound of rain, but I must have been really out of it because I didn't hear a single drop hit the roof last night.

I'm certainly glad I didn't hear the forecast yesterday evening, or I'd have spent my time building an ark.

I'm a little worried about the wind that's in store for today, though. Hope my lawn chairs don't wind up in Oklahoma.

Heck, I hope my pickup stays in the driveway. I might even need to lash down my anvil.

Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul

I really love that rock 'n roll.

What Rocky Horror Picture Show Character Are You?

Largest Lips in the World

And they're not Angelina Jolie's.

In the Darfur region of western Sudan. View in Google Maps.

Reminds me of the opening of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Young Turks - Rod Stewart

First video to feature breakdancing.

My Life as a Movie

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

And people would either fall asleep halfway through it or get up and demand their money back.

Satan's Sister

PhotobucketOne Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

July 18, 2009

An Experiment

Photobucket This is my latest invention, a time machine.

I'm going to test it as soon as I publish this post; I am going to attempt to send myself back five minutes in time.

Here's hoping it works, but also that I survive the experiment!

It Works!

I can't believe it! I went five minutes back in time!

July 17, 2009

May is Gone!

Yes, I know the month has passed, but all my May posts from two years ago when I started this blog are gone! I'm not for sure how many there were, but most of April's are gone as well. There's a single post in April, but then it skips to June.

I first noticed something unusual when I wanted to re-post some photos for the recent Woody Guthrie post; there were three different pics of metal sculptures of the score of Guthrie's "This Land is Your Land". The post was titled "Name That Tune" and a search using the Blogger supplied site search turned up nothing.

The photos can be seen starting here in the album. (use the arrow at top to scroll to the next two)

I wonder why an entire month's posts vanished?

Kind of a Drag - The Buckinghams

Role Model

From the Photobucket archives:


Try it without looking at the answers.

1) Pick your Favorite number between 1- 9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again multiply by 3

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....

5) Add the digits together

Now scroll down.......

Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below :

1. Albert Einstein

2. Nelson Mandela

3. Margaret Thatcher

4. Warren Buffet

5. Bill Gates

6. Mahatma Gandhi

7. Mother Teresa

8. Adolph Hitler

9. mikeintexas

10. Bono

I know...I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me.
Do not aspire to less.

PS..Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!!

Meat Your New Toy, Kids

Hot Dog Hideaway™

Build-It-Yourself Meat House Kit

What child doesn't imagine a house made of meat during the holidays? Our bestselling Hot Dog Hideaway kit comes with enough cured deli slices and kosher dogs (Over 10 pounds!) to make a veritable McMansion of meat! Just follow the included blueprints and use the pate spackle to join it together and smooth over the rough edges. Not only will you get the complete Hot Dog Hideaway, but also a set of meat landscaping materials to make pimento loaf trees and meatball bushes.

Note: This kit will only remain edible for three weeks without refrigeration.

Meat House Kit
item 118943
$79.95 ea.

I expect it's the pate spackle that will sell the thing.

July 16, 2009

A Half-Minute Made 'Em Mad

Have you seen the latest Minute Maid advert?

I think the woman who plays the nun is really cute and thought she looked familiar, thinking perhaps she was an actress I'd seen in a small part. (or maybe Bebe Neuwirth's daughter) A couple of weeks ago I decided to write the Minute Maid company and ask the identity of the young woman.

In the meantime, in a political forum I sometimes frequent, a Catholic poster was up-in-arms over it, saying she thought it an insult to the Church. Other Catholics chimed in, saying they too were offended. I had to reply, saying I didn't see it that way, that I thought it was an insult to men more than to her religion or to nuns. I understand why Catholics get so defensive, having to defend the Church over something nearly all the time. If it's not pedophile priests (a small percentage of them), it's movies such as "The DaVinci Code" or "The Golden Compass". I do agree with them that Christianity often is attacked and ridiculed in Hollywood.

Be that as it may, I simply don't think this silly little commercial denigrates the Catholic Church at all.

When I was a kid, I had a brilliant science teacher, a full blooded Cherokee Indian. Thanks to grants from the govt. and the tribal council, he went back to school every summer and had at least half a dozen advanced degrees; biology, geology, botany, physics, etc. Why he stooped to teaching a bunch of small town seventh grade knotheads, I'll never know, but perhaps he thought being a teacher a higher calling than research scientist, petroleum engineer or even a college professor.

He took us on several field trips, and was planning on taking some of we kids spelunking near where he grew up in Oklahoma. He was taking a course with some nuns that summer and when he told them about the upcoming cave exploration, they wanted to go.

He asked his wife if she'd get jealous if he took some "single women" along with us on the trip and not even batting an eye, told him:

"As long as you don't get into the habit...."

I got a reply from Minute Maid, btw:

Thank you for contacting The Minute Maid Company. We appreciate your interest in our advertising.

It may surprise you to learn that the contractual agreements with our ad agencies and the talent involved prohibit the release of an actor's identity without their prior consent. Unfortunately, consent has not been granted for this particular ad. We apologize that we cannot respond in a more positive way.

It was a pleasure hearing from you. If you have any additional comments or questions about our advertising, please feel free to contact us again. Best wishes!

Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Minute Maid Company

Wasn't much of an answer.

Not much better than nun at all.

It's often flattering when a post of mine gets linked to, especially if it brings in traffic. (not that I make any money off of it, it's just gratifying) Earlier tonight I noticed a hit on this post, followed the Google search results page and noticed that it had been copied, but not exactly word-for-word.

Strange, very strange. Somehow I'm humorously offended.

When trying to find out who the actress playing the nun, I found a post in WikiAnswers asking the same thing. It's since been edited, saying the young woman is Martha Mintz. Spending far more time than I should on it, I still can't definitively say whether she is or isn't. As I said, she looks familiar, and Mintz IS an actress. She has an IMDB page, Facebook listing and a MySpace page, but looking through them I found nothing about Mintz being in the ad. Google Images shows that Ms. Mintz does resemble the woman in the Minute Maid advert, but I'm not convinced. She also has a YouTube account with a small clip of her roles, but I'm still not sure it is her. I've even found the company who produced the spot, but while I'm curious, I'm not curious enough to write them.

Or maybe I am, but not tonight.

Irina Pt. II


I am very interesting you, i want to get to know you better if you not mind, please answer me and i will tell you more about myself. I would like to have correspondence with you on regular e-mail.

Please reply only to my personal e-mail: irinkalov@yahoo.com

I give you the address.

I hope to see today your letter.


Dear Irina,

Send more pictures of you, but naked this time.



Say What?

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.

"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.

"So what!" said a little girl. "I'm four."

July 15, 2009

I Scream For Ice Cream

You Are an Ice Cream Sandwich

You are well grounded, reliable, and very balanced.

You love to work hard, but you also know how to take it easy.

People might be surprised to know you have a very goofy side to you.

You like to let loose and have fun. You just don't let yourself go too crazy!

Yep, I'll scream for ice cream, but there's a limit.

July 14, 2009

Happy Birthday, Woody Guthrie!

From Wiki:

Woodrow Wilson "Woody" Guthrie (July 14, 1912 – October 3, 1967) is best known as an American singer-songwriter and folk musician, whose musical legacy includes hundreds of political, traditional and children's songs, ballads and improvised works. He frequently performed with the slogan This Machine Kills Fascists displayed on his guitar. His best-known song is "This Land Is Your Land", which is regularly sung in American and Canadian schools. Many of his recorded songs are archived in the Library of Congress.

Guthrie traveled with migrant workers from Oklahoma to California and learned traditional folk and blues songs. Many of his songs are about his experiences in the Dust Bowl era during the Great Depression, earning him the nickname the "Dust Bowl Troubadour". Throughout his life Guthrie was associated with United States communist groups, though he was never an actual member of any.

The article has a short paragraph about Guthrie's time in Pampa:

Eventually, Guthrie's father sent for his son to come to Texas where little would change for the now-aspiring musician. Guthrie, then 18, was reluctant to attend high school classes in Pampa and spent much time learning songs by busking on the streets and reading in the library at Pampa's city hall. He was growing as a musician, gaining practice by regularly playing at dances for his father's half-brother Jeff Guthrie, a fiddle player. At the library, he wrote a manuscript summarizing everything he had read on the basics of psychology. A librarian in Pampa shelved this manuscript under Guthrie's name, but it was later lost in a library reorganization.

This Land is Your Land
(with some of one of the only two surviving pieces of video of him)

The trailer from "Bound for Glory" with David Carradine in the role of Guthrie


louche \LOOSH\ , adjective:
1. Of questionable taste or morality; disreputable or indecent; dubious; shady.

Yet another word that describes this blog.

Some might say it also describes me.

Romo Says "No Mo"

Jessica Simpson Dumped by Tony Romo

A source close to Simpson confirms they broke up the night before her 29th birthday July 10. She was supposed to celebrate with a Ken and Barbie-themed party.

I'm just spitballin' here, but I'd bet a hundred bucks the Barbie party might have been the last straw for the Dallas quarterback. Breaking up with her was probably the only way he thought he could get out of it.

Now I'm hopin' the DallasCowboys.com message boards will maybe, just maybe, give it a rest.

On the other hand, maybe not; the cries of "Romo the Homo" will probably increase.

Cats Do Control Humans, Study Finds

And this is news?

An Old Man's Vision

An old man went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called the man's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

His wife exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"

Keep on Zoomin'

hehkuva is a fascinating page; wait for it to load, then select a grid on the first picture.

You'll then zoom in on that area, select anywhere on it, and you'll zoom in yet again.

As you zoom in, you'll see the grid is composed of many other photos.

Click anywhere on the grid, and it will zoom in on another photo.

Then you can do it all over again! Zoom Zoom Zoom!

You'll see photos you've seen before, but after playing with it for thirty minutes, I did get new photos with each zoom.


Edit: Just did it again after publishing this post, and saw a photo of a pooping dog. I didn't see any other offensive photos, but that's not to say there isn't any. There are just too many photos to view them all.

July 13, 2009


sartorial\sar-TOR-ee-uhl\ , adjective:
1. Of or relating to a tailor or to tailoring.
2. Of or relating to clothing, or style or manner of dress.
3. [Anatomy] Of or relating to the sartorius muscle.

I've been accused of many things, but having a sartorial sense of dress hasn't been one of them.

Reminds me of a joke:

A Texan went to the doctor because of some "problems" at home. After seeing the doctor, he purchased a tuxedo and wore it home.

"What did the doctor say?" asked his wife, eyeing his unusual attire.

"Doc said I was impotent." the man announced.

"Then why are you wearing that tuxedo?" cried his wife.

Her husband replied "If the doc says I be impotent, I'm gonna dress impotent."

Sharp Dressed Man - ZZ Top

Uncle Jay Explains (7-13)

July 12, 2009

Molokai Strait

Another thing I want for Christmas.

July 11, 2009


gauche\GOHSH\ , adjective:
1. Lacking social polish; tactless; awkward; clumsy.

I knew this word, and have used it in conversation only to be met by puzzled looks.

They would've understood the context if I told them it was a word that describes me to a "T".

Fiery Furnace Forecast & Fair-Weather Friends

As I've written in here before, I keep my online friends and sister's weather forecast on my Excite start page. Looks like Sis will have a hot day in Denton, but I'll be a bit warmer. (which seems strange, as she's probably 200 miles or more to the South, latitude-wise) As you can see with the current temps (in dark), it's almost always cooler at night here than there, plus it's also much less humid here nearly all the time than it is in the Dallas area.

I'm just thankful I don't live in Houston where the air is thick enough to swim through.

Now for my "fair-weather friends", not in the usual sense, because they've always been great online pals, but because their weather is much better than it is here.

It looks like my friend Collee in NH will be getting a little more heat than has been usual for that area this year; just the other day I read an article from a Massachusetts online newspaper that said this was the "year without summer" for them up that way.

Also in an online newspaper, I read that New Zealand has been experiencing a cooler than normal winter. Sure wish I could send a bit of heat Annie's way, we've got plenty to spare!

Beary in Florida looks as though she's going to have a fairly nice day, but except for hurricanes, it's almost always nice in Florida, huh?

Mr and Mrs. G are also going to have a nice, temperate day in Nawth Carra-lana, just the right warmth for the daytime and great sleeping weather at night. (I'm sure they're snugglin' up anyway, bein' newlyweds and all)

It looks like an avg. day in England for my "absent" friend elle in Oxford. -sigh- I remember a time when she came to visit in August and it was hot like it is now and felt like a blast furnace when the wind blew...which is to say, it felt like a blast furnace most afternoons. She loved it, reveling in the heat, but the low humidity and fierce temps made her poor little nose bleed and the sun played havoc with her English Rose complexion.

Heard on the news last night that the local electric utility is asking us to conserve power as they're close to reaching the maximum on power generation. Hey, I'll turn out the lights, I'll shut down this computer and my TV; I'll even unplug my little fridge, I'll shoot out the street lights, but damned if I'm shuttin' down the A/C.

Yes, "damned" is right, and I mean it. Hell can't be too much hotter; I'm just worried if it'll be humid there, too.

The 70s Quiz

From the Baby Boomers Headquarters website:

The 70s was a heck of a decade. Some things happened that never happened; and some didn't... that did.

We're here to clear all that up.

For each question below, click YES if you think the event occurred in the 70s, NO if you think it occurred before or after the 70s, and NEVER if you think we made the whole thing up. When you're done, we'll tally the whole thing up.

The 70s Quiz

Happy Trails - Dale Evans & Roy Rogers

Only in America

From the Photobucket archives:

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

July 10, 2009

Marcia Marcia Marcia!

Brady Bunch Feud

Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia on "The Brady Bunch," claims Eve Plumb, who played her sister Jan, is upset because McCormick claimed they had a lesbian affair on the set of the '70s sitcom.

McCormick, blogging this week on Fancast.com, said all six Brady "kids" were invited to reunite on the Oprah Winfrey show in September: "All of us said yes except for one person, Eve Plumb, who used to be my best friend but now apparently wants to distance herself from the show and, most troubling, from me ... I have no idea why, unless she's mad at the joke I made a few years ago that we'd had a lesbian love affair. I made the crack to be funny — and for shock value. I'm sorry if she took offense."

McCormick "joked" about their sapphic sex last year just before her autobiography, "Here's the Story," was published. The "joke" made the book a best seller.

Plumb's agent, Mark Measures, downplayed any animosity: "No one from 'Oprah' called. We haven't turned down anything. There is no feud."

Then and Now

Marcia Brady / Maureen McCormick

Jan Brady / Eve Plumb

What you need to do Jan, is whack Maureen in the nose, preferably with a football.

Mexican 300

Super Slugger

Super Slugger

A great batting game with cool sound effects. Easy to play, choose between left or right-hand batters, follow the path of the ball and center the "sweet spot" with your cursor and use the left mouse button to swing away.

It's not so easy to hit a home run, though, at least after the first pitching change.

Extra points for hitting birds as they fly across the outfield. There may be extra points for hitting the blimp, but I never did it.

I LOVE batting games; there's some odd satisfaction in watching the ball go into the bleachers or hitting the scoreboard and breaking it.

July 9, 2009


fervid\FUR-vid\ , adjective:
1. Heated or vehement in spirit, enthusiasm, etc.
2. Burning; glowing; intensely hot.

With an anticipated high of 103˚ today, it certainly will be a fervid, fiery, thirsty, and thermogenic Thursday.

Don't Know Why - Norah Jones

Are You Older Than Dirt?

1. In the 1940s where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located?

a. On the floor shift knob.
b. On the floor board to the left of the clutch.
c. Next to the horn.

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle had holes in it. For what was it used?

a. Capture lightning bugs.
b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing.
c. Large salt shaker.

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters?

a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk.
b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled..
c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors and milk would freeze expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for a game of chance?
a. Blackjack
b. Gin
c. Craps

5. What method did women use to look as if they were wearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during WW II?

a. Suntan
b. Leg painting
c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on its ear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming or going?

a. Studebaker
b. Nash Metro
c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid?

a . Strips of dried peanut butter.
b. Chocolate licorice bars.
c. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.

8. How was Butch Wax used?

a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up.
b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing.
c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust..

9. Before inline skates how did you keep your roller skates attached to your shoes?

a. With clamps tightened by a skate key
b. Woven straps that crossed the foot.
c.. Long pieces of twine.

10. As a kid what was considered the best way to reach a decision?

a. Consider all the facts.
b. Ask Mom.
c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

11. What was the most dreaded disease in the 1940s and 1950s?

a. Smallpox
c. Polio

12. "I'll be down to get you in a ________, Honey"

a. SUV
b. Taxi
c. Streetcar

13. What was the name of Caroline Kennedy's pony?

a. Old Blue
b. Paint
c. Macaroni

14. What was a Duck-and-Cover Drill?

a. Part of the game of hide and seek.
b. What you did when your Mom called you in to do chores.
c. Hiding under your desk and covering your head with your arms in an A-bomb drill.

15. What was the name of the Indian Princess on the Howdy Doody show?

a. Princess Summerfallwinterspring
b. Princess Sacajawea
c. Princess Moonshadow

16. What did all the really savvy students do when mimeographed tests were handed out in school?

a. Immediately sniffed the purple ink as this was believed to get you high.
b. Made paper airplanes to see who could sail theirs out the window.
c. Wrote another pupil's name on the top to avoid their failure.

17. Why did your Mom shop in stores that gave Green Stamps with purchases?

a. To keep you out of mischief by licking the backs which tasted like bubble gum.
b. They could be put in special books and redeemed for various household items.
c. They were given to the kids to be used as stick-on tattoos.

18. Praise the Lord & pass the _________?

a. Meatballs
b. Dames
c. Ammunition

19. What was the name of the singing group that made the song "Cabdriver" a hit?

a. The Ink Spots
b. The Supremes
c. The Esquires

20. Who left his heart in San Francisco ?

a. Tony Bennett
b. Xavier Cugat
c. George Gershwin

Answers in comments section!


apogee\AP-uh-jee\ , noun:
1. The point in the orbit of the moon or of an artificial satellite that is at the greatest distance from the center of the earth.
2. The farthest or highest point; culmination.

This blog reached its apogee the day I created it.

The Man Wall

Now, THIS is what I want for Christmas!

The Man Wall

* 42″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTV
* 3 – 26″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTVs
* 1000 watt Panasonic 5.1 Home Theater System
* DVD player with 5-CD changer
* iPod docking station
* 2 – Wireless surround sound speakers
* Live 7-foot sports ticker with built-in computer
* 1 year free service for sport’s ticker
* Full-size built-in beer refrigerated beer keg with tap
* 1000 watt microwave oven
* 2 cigar humidors (holds 25 cigars each) complete with gauges
* 32-bottle wine rack


$14,900 plus shipping

The Man Wall