Wanna Be a Dad?

Stop drinking six months before conception.

Can alcohol affect sperm? Dads-to-be should stop drinking 6 months before conception, study finds

Alcohol consumption during pregnancy has long been linked to congenital defects and developmental problems in newborns. Now a new study has found a link between a baby's congenital heart defects and their prospective parents' drinking before conception

Compared to non-drinkers, fathers who drank during the three months before conception were 44% more likely to have babies born with congenital heart disease.

If the prospective dads were binge drinkers, which was defined as downing five or more drinks per session, there was a 52% higher likelihood their baby would have a congenital heart defect.

(read the rest of the article at above link)

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Sobering news, no pun intended. Even though I'm no scientist, it makes sense.  Alcohol IS, after all, technically a poison.

OTOH, I suspect a LOT of "conception events" are directly due to alcohol consumption.

TWI - Talking While Intoxicated

From the     archives

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

Specificity

British Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiation


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK

"Thanks, but I don't want to have sex"

"Nope, no more booze for me"

"Sorry, but you're not really my type"

"Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?"

"Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me sing...."

The Booze Death Calculator

CHOOSE YOUR DRINK

Apple Tini B52 Black Russian Bloody Mary Cosmopolitan Daiquiri Disaronno and Coke Double on the Rocks Dry Manhattan Kamikaze Long Island Iced Tea Lemon Drop Manhattan Margarita Martini Dirty Martini Wet Martini Dry Martini Mojito Mimosa Mint Julep Pina Colada Rum and Coke Seabreeze Screwdriver Sex on the Beach Slippery Nipple Tom Collins Tequila Sunrise Vodka Martini Zombie White Russian Whiskey Sour Absinthe Bourbon Everclear Flavored Vodka Gin Malibu Rum Rum Scotch Tequila Vodka Whiskey Red Wine White Wine Rose Wine Sparkling Wine Amstel Light Amstel Light Alaskan Amber Alaskan Pale Ale Alaskan Stout Alaskan ESB Alaskan Smoked Porter Alaskan Winter Ale Anchor Steam Anchor Liberty Ale Anchor Porter Anchor Old Foghorn Anchor Small Anderson Valley Boont Amber Anderson Valley Hop Ottin' Anderson Valley Poleeko Gold Anderson Valley Belk's ESB Anderson Valley Barney Flats Oatmeal Anderson Valley Winter Solstice Anderson Valley High Rollers Wheat Anderson Valley Deep Enders Porter Beamish Stout Beck's Bell's/Kalamazoo Two Hearted Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Amber Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Pale Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Kalamazoo Stout Bell's/Kalamazoo Oberon Bell's/Kalamazoo Double Cream Stout Bell's/Kalamazoo Third Coast Old Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Expedition Stout Bell's/Kalamazoo Best Brown Ale Bell's/Kalamazoo Cherry Stout Blue Moon Blue Moon White Breckenridge Avalanche Amber Breckenridge Autumn Ale Breckenridge Pale Ale Breckenridge Christmas Ale Breckenridge Oatmeal Stout Breckenridge Pandora's Bock BridgePort IPA BridgePort Porter BridgePort ESB BridgePort Black Strap Stout BridgePort Blue Heron BridgePort Pintail Ale BridgePort Ebenezer Ale BridgePort Old Knucklehead Budweiser (U.S) Budweiser Bud Light Budweiser Bud Ice Budweiser Bud Ice Light Budweiser Budvar Budvar Busch Busch Light Busch Ice Clausthaler Colt 45 Malt Liquor Coors Original Coors Light Coors Extra Gold Corona Light Corona Extra Czechvar Deschutes Cascade Ale Deschutes Mirror Pond Pale Deschutes Bachelor ESB Deschutes Black Butte Porter Deschutes Quail Springs IPA Deschutes Obsidian Stout Deschutes Jubelale Deschutes Broken Top Bock Deschutes Pine Mountain Pils Deschutes Cinder Cone Red Dos Equis Dos Equis XX Dragon Stout Dragon Stout Edison Light Edison Light Foster's Lager Fuller's ESB Fuller's London Pride Genessee 12 Horse Genessee/High Falls Genny Light Genessee/High Falls Kipling Light Lager Grolsch Gordon Biersch Marzen Gordon Biersch Blonde Bock Gordon Biersch Pilsner Guinness Guinness Draught Guinness Foreign Extra Stout Hamm's Hamm's Light Heineken Henry Weinhard's Ale Henry Weinhard's Amber Ale Henry Weinhard's Dark Henry Weinhard's Hefeweizen Henry Private Reserve Hoegaarden Icehouse 5.0 Icehouse 5.5 J.W. Dundee Honey Brown Keystone Light Kilarney's Red Lager Killian's Labatt Blue Lowenbrau Marin Brewing Mt. Tam Pale Ale Marin Brewing Bluebeery Ale Marin Brewing Albion Amber Marin Brewing Marin Weiss Marin Brewing Point Reyes Porter Marin Brewing Breakout Stout Marin Brewing Old Dipsea Barleywine Marin Brewing India Pale Ale McMenamins Hammerhead McMenamins Terminator McMenamins Ruby McMenamins Black Rabbit Porter McMenamins Dry Irish Stout Michelob Michelob Light Michelob Amber Bock Michelob Hefeweizen Michelob Honey Lager Michelob Black & Tan Michelob Ultra Mickey's Mickey's Ice Miller Genuine Draft Miller Genuine Draft Lite Miller High Life Miller Lite Moosehead Murphy's Irish Red Murphy's Stout O'Douls O'Douls Amber Odell's 90 Shilling Odell's Easy Street Wheat Odell's Cutthroat Porter Odell's Cutthroat Pale Ale Odell's Levity Odell's Isolation Odell's Bobby Olde English 800 Olde English 800 Ice Old Milwaukee Pabst Blue Ribbon Paulaner Original Munich Paulaner Salvator Paulaner Hefe-Weizen Pete's Brewing Wicked Ale Pete's Brewing Oktoberfest Pete's Brewing Summer Brew Pete's Brewing Winter Brew Pete's Brewing Helles Lager Pete's Brewing Red Rush Pete's Brewing Strawberry Blonde Pilsner Uruqell Pittsburgh Brewing I.C. Light Pittsburgh Brewing Iron City Lager Pyramid Hefeweizen Pyramid Coastline Pilsner Pyramid Apricot Ale Pyramid India Pale Ale Pyramid Pale Ale Pyramid Curve Ball Kolsch Pyramid Broken Rake Pyramid Tilted Kilt Pyramid Snow Cap Ale Red Dog Redhook ESB Redhook IPA Redhook Blonde Ale Redhook Hefe-weizen Redhook Nut Brown Rhinebecker St. Pauli Girl St. Pauli Girl Dark St. Pauli Girl N.A. Sam Adams Light Sam Adams Boston Lager Sam Adams Golden Pilsner Sam Adams Cream Stout Sam Adams Boston Ale Sam Adams Cherry Wheat Sam Adams Spring Ale Sam Adams Summer Ale Sam Adams Pale Ale Sam Adams Octoberfest Sam Adams IPA Sam Adams Winter Lager Sam Adams Double Bock Sam Adams Triple Bock Sapporo Shiner Bock Shiner Light Sierra Nevada Pale Ale Sierra Nevada Porter Sierra Nevada Stout Sierra Nevada Wheat Sierra Nevada Summerfest Sierra Nevada Celebration Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Stone Brewing Arrogant Bastard Ale Stone Brewing Stone Pale Ale Stone Brewing Stone Smoked Porter Stone Brewing Stone IPA Stone Brewing Ruination IPA Stone Brewing Double Bastard Ale Stone Brewing Stone Old Guardian Tsingtao Widmer Hefeweizen Widmer Pale Ale Widmer Blonde Ale Widmer Widberry Widmer Sommerbra Widmer Oktoberfest Widmer Winternacht Widmer Spring Run IPA Widmer Drop Top Amber Ale Yuengling Premium Yuengling Light Yuengling Ale Yuengling Porter Yuengling Lager Yuengling Black & Tan Yuengling Light Lager

HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?


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After inputting the variables, clicking on the "CALCULATE NOW" button will take you to the website where you'll be given the code to post on your website or blog which shows how many drinks of your particular poison will kill you.It would take 18 Dirty Martinis to kill me
Created by Bar Stools

Last Call for Alcohol

Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, asked for whiskey just before his death.

He was refused by his nurse.

Cliff Clavin's Theory on Beer

I'm Havin' a Beer

Yep, I'm drinking a beer on this hot Sunday night in Texas.  Now, that might seem a strange pronouncement to anyone who doesn't know me or isn't part of my family, but it's a rare occurrence.   I so seldom drink, I can almost say I don't drink at all, but while I was at the store yesterday I passed by the beer/wine cooler and I thought "A beer would taste pretty good."  They didn't have any Icehouse *, my preferred beer, and I looked at a bunch of other brands, but knew Coors was the next most tolerable to me, so I bought a couple of cans.**

*The date on that post is June 3, 2012 and that was the last time I drank any beer, so it's been two years and nearly a month since I last drank.  I dunno 'bout you, but that qualifies as "seldom drink" to me.

**A couple of cans, but they're BIG cans, 24 oz., which is two regular cans in one.

To be honest, the first sip or two tasted really nice, but now I'm remembering why I don't drink much. It's already going to my head and since it's so warm tonight, the chill has already gone from the can. (The little bars that are supposed show the cold temperature and be blue have already turned back to silver.)

I guess I'll chug it on down while it's still cool.  Here's lookin' atcha! (crosseyed)

Beer Bottle Cap

There are 21 "teeth" on the standard beer bottle cap.

Useless information?  Perhaps, but it might win you a free beer on a bet in a bar.

10 Staggering Alcohol Facts

Drunk as Cooter Brown

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

Cooter Brown, sometimes given as Cootie Brown, is a name used in metaphors and similes for drunkenness, mostly in the southern United States. Cooter Brown supposedly lived on the line which divided the North and South during the American Civil War, making him eligible for military draft by either side. He had family on both sides of the line, so he did not want to fight in the war. He decided to get drunk and stay drunk for the duration of the war so that he would be seen as useless for military purposes and would not be drafted. 

Ever since, colloquial and proverbial ratings of drunkenness have been benchmarked against the legendary drinker: "as drunk as Cooter Brown" or "drunker than Cooter Brown."



There are also other versions of the origin of the phrase.

My Beer Personality

I was a little surprised at these results. I'm not a Heineken drinker and in fact, always thought that brand tasted a little "skunky". To be fair, I might never have had good, fresh examples of it.  Another similar test said I was Budweiser, which has always been one of my least-favorite beers.

In all honesty, I'm not much of a drinker, beer or otherwise. When I DO drink, it's not for the taste.

You Are Heineken

You appreciate a good beer, but you're not a snob about it. You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk. Overall, you're a friendly drunk who's likely to buy a whole round for your friends... many times. Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.

What's Your Beer Personality?

Besides getting the beer wrong, the other results might very well be true, esp. about blathering on when I'm drunk. I sometimes turn into Cliff Clavin when I drink.



No, not much of a beer drinker, but I do like this song!

I Like Beer - Tom T Hall

Fragile Childhood - Monsters

I don't have objections to people using alcohol in a responsible manner, but it's always sad to see people drink too much on the holidays.

agita

agita \AJ-i-tuh\ , noun:

1. Agitation; anxiety.
2. Heartburn; indigestion.

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Nothing a glass of bicarb wouldn't cure...with a Xanax dissolved into it.

Add a little tequila to it and you'd have an Agitarita.

Having Wonderful Time

Wish you were beer.

You Are Budweiser

You are down to earth, well grounded, and practical. Some may even call you sensible. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. You're straight shooting and honest. It's likely that you're more of a productive type than a creative type. You enjoy working hard. You live in the now and enjoy every moment. You appreciate what you've got, and you're also very humble about what you deserve.

What Type of Beer Are You?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

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I never would have thought Bud would be the result. I never have really liked it, but as I've grown older, my taste in beer has changed and it might taste differently to me now. I used to be a Coors guy (no "light" for me) but now it tastes like funky water.

It's not that I drink a lot of beer, but when I do, I prefer Chinese beer if I can get it; otherwise I like to drink Rolling Rock or Icehouse. Icehouse isn't the best tasting beer I have ever had, but it's got more alcohol in it than does most other beers.

There's both Icehouse and Rolling Rock in my fridge right now, but other than a six pack of RR I bought a month or so ago, the rest has been in there for a year or longer.

Like I said, I don't drink a lot of beer.

Not Anywhere Near on the Beer

See how good your knowledge is of cheap beer slogans.

Mine wasn't too good. (but I know my cheap beer!)



Cheap Beer Quiz

We're (hic) #1!!!

From USA Today comes lists of the most/least drunkest cities in the US.

Fresno tops the list of the drunkest cities, but since Texas has three in the top ten, that should put us in the lead, at least in the "team" portion of the competition.

Here's the list of most drunk cities in the US:

1. Fresno, Calif.
2. Reno, Nev.
3. Billings, Mont.
4. Riverside, Calif.
5. Austin
6. St. Louis
7. San Antonio
8. Lubbock, Texas
9. Tucson
10. Bakersfield, Calif.

Read the rest

Your boyfriend is also your uncle

That's the advice given from "Dr. Wallace" in a column at the Chicago Post-Tribune.

The title caught my attention (and I bet it did yours, too); it was in a Google Reader feed I have for any instance of Pampa in the news. Pampa wasn't mentioned in the first bit of advice (about the uncle) but rather the second letter to Dr. Wallace:

Dr. Wallace: I'm 18 and do a little drinking on the weekends with friends. I never get drunk, but I know that alcohol can alter your judgment. I need to know how long I should wait before driving after I've had two beers.
-- Nameless, Pampa, Texas

Nameless: According to the American Council on Science and Health, everyone should abstain from alcohol a minimum of five hours prior to operating a vehicle. Even the consumption of one beer or one glass of wine can affect a driver's judgment and coordination.

Since you're only 18, you shouldn't be drinking at all. The minimum age for consuming alcohol in all states and the District of Columbia is 21. Every time you have a beer, you break the law! Have you considered new friends?

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What? And do away with one of the very few things there are for kids to do in this town?

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Or so the old adage says.

It was several years ago and I was working in a liquor store while going back to school. It was an interesting job and while I didn't make much money at it, it had its perks, such as meeting all sorts of women and getting invited to parties. (sometimes the invites were issued because they thought I'd bring all the booze)

I had met a nice young lady several weeks prior and was invited by her to come to a party at her house after I got off work. To be honest, I was attracted to her, but also to one of her friends who had come into the store with her, and both women seemed to be interested in me. (I hadn't any kinky stuff in mind, but was flattered by the attention. It's rare for even ONE woman to be interested in me, and two was doubly so)

Before closing the store for the night, I purchased a 1.75L of vodka; nearly everyone who drinks likes vodka and it's a good, neutral mixer. Besides that, it was cheap.

I got to the party and everyone was glad to see me, at least they were glad to see the booze because they were nearly out. The hostess had put her kids to bed, but her friend was having some problems getting her baby to sleep. I was introduced to the folks I didn't know and also to the friend's brother sitting at the kitchen table, a rather surly looking young man with long, long hair and a full beard.

I asked the young woman if it was OK to make me a drink and was told "Sure, make me one too!" A couple of other people attending the party wanted me to make them a drink, too, so I did so after washing my hands in the kitchen sink. The surly guy was sitting there at the dining table with an empty glass, so I politely asked him if he wanted me to make him a drink, too.

He didn't even speak, instead shaking his head. "You sure?" I asked again. "I'm making mine and these others." "Nope." he replied. "I'll get my sister to make mine."

"My hands are clean." I joked with him. He again declined, telling me "Nuthin' against you, dude, just want my sister to make it for me." He then rudely yelled at her in the next room "Hey, come make me a drink."

She walked into the room, cradling her crying child. "Gee thanks, ya jerk, you woke up your niece." Nonplussed, he said "Make me a drink, 'k?"

"Let Mike make it; he's already making the others and I heard him ask you!" she exclaimed.

"Rather YOU make it." he replied to her back as she turned and left the kitchen.

"Man, I washed my hands." I told him again.

"I'm just paranoid." he answered. "I don't know you."

Sheesh, what did the guy think I was going to do, put something in his drink? I wasn't wanting to get into HIS pants, after all.

"That why you got a beard?" I asked him. " Afraid to shave, 'fraid that SOB in the mirror will cut your throat?" I joked, but he didn't find it funny. I didn't care, because I was insulted by his attitude. Once again, he yelled to his sister to come fix his drink.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, his sister popped into the room, and with an obvious annoyed posture, grabbed his glass, went over to the fridge, grabbed some ice with her bare hands and put it into the glass, poured some vodka and orange juice into it, then stirred the mixture with her finger. With an exaggerated gesture, she plopped the glass down in front of her brother.

Without even thanking her, he picked up his glass and took a long swig. "Ahhh, that's what I was needing." he declared.

"Good." his sister said sarcastically.

She continued: "Just to let you know, I just changed your niece's diaper."

The Dangers of Alcohol

Click the pic:



Or, if you're too drunk, click here.

Jax Beer Adverts

I remember these and how much my folks enjoyed watching them. I don't recall my dad ever drinking Jax beer; it was probably too expensive for him to drink on a regular basis, anyway. I do remember him buying Berghoff or Schlitz at .99 cents/six pack.

I also remember the summer my dad decided he could save money by brewing his own beer. We kids would walk along the ditches by the road to pick up cast off beer bottles. Pop would bring them home, sterilize them and fill them up with his home brew. I liked my job: capping the bottles with a drill-press type contraption.

He had some success with it, I suppose, because we have some home movies with him drinking his concoction, the foam spewing from the bottle after opening. His failures are also in my memory...him storing his beer in our cellar and being woke up in the middle of the night by bottles exploding from the pressure, sounding just like a muffled gunshot.

Alternative Uses for Vodka

From the email archives:

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1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziplock freezer bag, and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain, or black eyes.

10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing nine tablespoons powered cinnamon with one cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for two weeks. Strain through a coffee filter then mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. DonÂ’t swallow.

12. Using a q-tip, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.

13. If a blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.

14. To treat dandruff, mix one cup vodka with two teaspoons crushed rosemary, let sit for two days, strain through a coffee filter and massage into your scalp and let dry.

15. To treat an earache put a few drops of vodka in your ear. Let set for a few minutes. Then drain. The vodka will kill the bacteria that are causing pain in your ear.

16. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

17. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

18. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

19. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the poison oil from your skin.

20. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

21. If all else fails, just turn the bottle up and drink it, nothing will matter anymore anyway