## March 31, 2009

### Happiness is Nearby

Yeah, and he just turned up his nose at his breakfast. Darn cat.

I dunno if that's the happiness my fortune is talking about. Also next to me is a bottle of premium tequila I bought a couple of years ago for a present and put away and just found again the other day. If that's the happiness, then tomorrow's fortune will read "You feel like crap."

I usually post only the music I like, but today's fortune made me think of this song, IMO the worst song the Beatles ever did.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

### Dear Whoever

Hello! I looked through your profile at e-kontakte.se and decided to write you a message and tell I am intersted in you. I'm sure that you are very intelligent and nice person. It would be great to learn more about you! I'm sure we can find something in common and begin a long a beautiful story.I'm looking only for serious relationship, I'm tired of games and dishonesty. I'm ready to give all my love and tenderness to a right man. Maybe that is you? Nobody knows!

I hope you are also interested in communicating with me! Looking forward to hearing from you! Please reply only to my personal e-mail: krasatulechka2009@gmail.com

Dear Whoever You Are,

(you didn't give a name, except for the photo; is your name "MyPhoto"???")

Let's keep this short and sweet, ok? I never left a profile at the site you mentioned; the last time I signed up for a matchmaking service they tried to hook me up with my cousin.

A "long and beautiful story" is what you want, huh? Like a fairy tale? Know the difference between a fairy tale and a Texas tall tale? The fairy tale starts out like this: "Once upon a time..." and the Texas tall tale begins "Now, this ain't no BS..."

So, if you're tired of "games and dishonesty", why are you acting crooked as a dog's hind leg?

You got one thing correct: I am a "right man". I suggest, however, that you look for a "left" one and lower your standards on "nice and intelligent" because them sunuvabitches will sleep with anybody and are stupid enough to fall for your scam.

Sincerely,
Mike

Here's hopin' the spambots pick up on it and deluge your email account.

THAT ain't no BS.

### Typical CEO

From the email archives:

If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

One corporation, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers..

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week. Why?' The CEO then handed the guy$1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone here want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'

From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

## March 30, 2009

### The Legend of Old Rip

Legend says a horny toad (a.k.a. horned lizard) named Old Rip survived for decades trapped inside a brick of the courthouse in Eastland, Texas. When he was found alive, Old Rip became an instant celebrity

### With My Luck

It's probably a mortician.

## March 29, 2009

It's staying white

 Your Blog Should Be Yellow You're a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.You're also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

A few weeks ago I read an article that claimed that blogs should have black backgrounds instead of white because white blogs use more electricity.

In the comments section, someone had said that besides the "green" savings, it was harder for them to read a white background blog. (maybe that's why I don't get many readers) I disagree, at least in my own case; it's always been easier for me to read dark text on a light bg.

I think that reading too MANY blogs, no matter what color they are, is hard on the eyes. I've been culling my own blog list reading down quite a bit here lately and have some more to do.

Other than the color suggestion, I would like to think the rest of the quiz results are spot on. It's what I strive for, anyway. I never wanted to do much in the way of political posting; I've had my fill of that since I first got online, just before the 2000 elections. Nearly ten years of tilting at windmills has jaded me and made me face the fact that even with our votes, we do not control who gets elected. My belief in God has led me to believe that it's out of our hands, that He is the one who controls our national destiny. I don't understand why He is letting these things happen, but I've made up my mind to not worry about it, as He has promised to reveal all mysteries to us someday.

Political posts in here are few and far between and my long-time readers know I am an equal opportunity "josher", namely because I've not yet seen a politician who doesn't deserve some ridicule. In this last election, other than Ron Paul, there wasn't a single candidate of either party who was worthy of the presidency and the good doctor certainly had his own faults. I certainly didn't agree with all of his positions.

Democrat/Republican, there's not a nickle's worth of difference between them. They're only interested in being elected in order to maintain their power and prestige. If they're honest when they get elected, they soon become corrupted, it's the nature of the beast. The best and most honest president we ever had was also the first and he warned us about the two-party system.

Enough political BS:

This blog is about ME and MY likes and dislikes. It's "ego-centric", in other words. I don't see anything wrong with that. The only people I particularly want to stop by are my close friends (both "real" and "online") and family. All I want to do is post photos, talk about cats and other varmits, comment on websites I've visited and things I thought were cool, put in links to free stuff, share the music I like, make light of the Panhandle weather... and the only griping I care to do these days is about the Cowboys.

Oh yeah, and poke some fun at spammers.

The things I post have only one rule of thumb to get published:

Would I be...would I have been...ashamed to let my momma see it?

That's the only Code of Conduct I care about.

### Coffee Machine

From the email archives:

Coffee Machine

Directions:

2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON 'OPEN'

ENJOY!

Don' t forget to click on 'OPEN' !!!

From my friend Sharon in Miami

### Four Day Forecast

So, what else is new?

### An Unforgettable Home Run

Western Oregon Sara Tucholsky hit her first career HR with the help from Central Washington - ultimate sportsmanship. She tore her ACL running back to 1st as she missed it initially. The rules state that if she didn't run the bases by herself, the HR wouldn't count. If her teammates touched her, it would be void.

The opposing team saw her pain and did the unexpected, they picked her up and helped her touch each base.

Central Washington lost the game, 4-2

Sportsmanship at its best.

## March 28, 2009

### If Elvis Covered AC/DC

Give it 30 seconds

### The Power of Mike

 Your Name's Power is Creativity Your name's power is that it helps you be creative.Your name conveys both purity and skill.People who meet you can't help but think you are charming.You try to live your life with people you trust, surrounded by nature.

## March 27, 2009

### Today's Winter Weather Winner Was

Me

(screenshot of my friend's and family's weather)

The windchill index is right around zero...and that's because the wind has calmed down some. (the temp was a little higher around six o'clock this a.m., but the wind was blowing around 45 mph) The Texas Dept. of Transportation has closed I-40 from Amarillo to New Mexico and also most major roads going north.

Travel is being discouraged. (duh)

### feckless

1. Ineffective; having no real worth or purpose.
2. Worthless; irresponsible; generally incompetent and ineffectual.

Wow, a word that describes both me AND this blog.

### Foreigners Face Feedjit Facts

I've noticed on the Feedjit feed that this blog has been getting quite a number of non-USA hits on my spam posts. Here's the latest:

What's odd is that several come directly, not from Google or other searches.

I don't know what that means; it might mean someone else has sent the URL of a particular post to them or perhaps they're following the post via an RSS feed. Maybe they've visited before and are just seeing if someone has posted to it.

On the other hand, some might be the original spammers, coming back to see what the "bakapor" has done with the mail they sent me. They're all not from Russia or some other ex-Soviet bloc where much of this stuff originates, but some of them are.

They might be angry enough to post to a thread or send me an email. I'll need to brush up on my Russian curse words if that ever happens .

Paashol v'chorte! When you send me mails, you give me permission to post your email addy and the attached photos and text. Don't like it? Toughsky shitsky.

## March 26, 2009

### tumult

tumult \TOO-mult; TYOO-mult\, noun:
1. The commotion or agitation of a crowd, usually accompanied with great noise, uproar, and confusion of voices; hurly-burly; noisy confusion.
2. Violent commotion or agitation, with confusion of sounds; as, "the tumult of the elements."
3. Irregular or confused motion; agitation; high excitement; as, "the tumult of the spirits or passions."

There'd probably be more of a tumult from first-time visitors to this blog if I didn't have some restrictions on posting.

### Atteention!

First, misspell the subject line to fool the spam filters.

Then, instead of spelling out the product they're trying to sell, use a huge table with multiple colored cells.

Add some nonsensical text:

Also kritavarma of the satvata race, clad in mail as worshipping the deities at all the sacrifices. Quiete: in somno, a rather poetical usage. Narravit: breath had awakened all the memory of their love it would be just to grant them some compensation.

And the obligatory masked URL. No need to show you that, huh?

## March 25, 2009

### Ironic Birthdays

Listening to the radio just now, I learned it was the birthday of both Anita Bryant and Elton John.

I once read that if you polled at random any 25 people, odds are you'd find that two would share the same birthday. That's statistics I suppose, but Elton John and Anita Bryant sharing a birthday couldn't be anything but ironic.

### I Didn't Know

"Slob" was a fashion

### Labuat

Labuat

A website that delights one's sense of both sight and sound. Wait for the page to load, then use your cursor to trace along the page as it scrolls along with the lovely music. Many interesting images will appear as the song's tempo alternately slows and increases.

Labuat is Spanish musician artist Virginia Maestro's project. She is a singer and songwriter and also plays guitar, piano and harmonica.

### Far Away Fortune

I hope it hurries up and gets here.

So Far Away - Staind

### Even It Up

I've got this compulsion to keep both columns the same length, so one day a reader might find a post down on the bottom of the page, see it gone the next day (IF they return) and then find it back the day after that.

As the month goes by and the archive list in the right column gets longer, I usually have to keep changing the number of posts on the page to equalize the length. A long post will make the total number of posts smaller and more small posts makes it larger.

I don't think that particular obsession is particularly weird...I simply want to keep the page looking better...but what might be weird is that this tune goes through my head sometimes when I'm changing the blog.

Even It Up - Heart

Now I'll have to go change the number of posts again.

I've got to "even it up".

## March 24, 2009

### Senseless Voices

No, they don't.

Not when my TV is tuned to C-SPAN, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC or PBS news.

### One Hour of Heavy Petting

Costs about five bucks.

No, not what you think; it's a cool article about a "cat cafe" in Osaka, Japan.

## March 23, 2009

### A Fortune Yarn

I can't sew very well, much less knit. I can only sew so-so and am not a neat knitter.

This fortune reminds me of something I saw on a bathroom wall. Someone had scribbled:

"My mother made me a homosexual."

"If I gave her the wool, would she make me one too?"

### A Rich Quote

The road to happiness lies in two simple principles: find what it is that interests you and that you can do well, and when you find it, put your whole soul into it -- every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have.
- John D. Rockefeller III

Yeah, and it'd help to be born richer 'n two foot up a bull's ass, too.

### Flirting Fortune

Oh yeah, a sexual harassment suit is anything but dull.

### Aviary

No, not a place for birds but a great online image manipulation website consisting of several tools: Phoenix, a basic image editor, Peacock, a tool for building filters and creating effects, Toucan, an application for building palettes, and soon to come is Raven, a vector graphics tool. Like Photoshop, Aviary's files also supports layers.

All you need is a web browser and register with the site.

Aviary

### Steel-Toed

 You Are Cowboy Boots You are incredibly down to earth and happy with yourself. You don't pretend to be someone else.You also tend to be very practical. You don't really have a lot of room for fluff in your life.You are a very honest and direct person. You will give anyone a straight answer, even if it's a bit uncomfortable.While you're quite sensible, you always like a little bit of flash in your life. You don't overdo it, but you do like turning heads.

I've owned one pair of cowboys boots in my life and they were steel-toed. I ordered them through a company I worked for at the time and for some reason, they were a size too small. I couldn't send them back, so I wore them...for a very short while.

To this day my toes ache when I see a pair of cowboys boots. Since I live in the Texas Panhandle, my tootsies ache pretty much all the time.

There were several versions of this song on YouTube, but I like this one because it's got nice, shapely legs in the boots. On the other hand, it's a little disconcerting to think those same legs are grandma...or even great-grandma...legs these days. Oh well, I'm gettin' to the age where varicose veins and wrinkles are starting to be sexy to me.

These Boots Are Made For Walking - Nancy Sinatra

## March 22, 2009

### pithy

concise and to the point; full of meaning and force

Yet again, another word that doesn't describe this blog or the contents.

That is, unless you have a lisp.

### Don't Svet Your Destiny

Good afternoon or evening, depending on that time of day when you receive this letter.

I looked your questionnaire and to tell the truth you have very much drawn my attention. I shall be glad, if we shall get acquainted to you. to me, I the single girl who wants to find the prince.

My name Svetlana. To me of 28 years, and I am still single in this big world. If you as single the man, and to you from 30 till 55 years I shall be glad to contact you. Probably it is our destiny?

If you were interested with my offer on acquaintance I shall wait your answer, on my personal E-mail: svetulka80@yahoo.de

I hope, that you will not ignore me. I shall wait your answer.

Yours faithfully
Svetlana.

Dear Svetlana,

You're trying to tell me you can't find a man in all of Russia? I guess I can sympathize because I've been told I can't find a woman in this hemisphere.

So, you can't find a prince, eh? Ever try kissing frogs? It might be your destiny to find a prince or it might be your destiny to get warts, who knows?

Always,
Mike

P.S. Next time you write, put in some funnier stuff so I can have an easier time making fun of it. (Your fractured English just isn't enough) Rest assured, however, that I will never ignore them.

Just to let you know, I post these mails so I can let the spambots pick up on your email addy as well as the one the email really came from.

dakimushkin@list.ru

## March 21, 2009

### diatribe

diatribe \DAHY-uh-trahyb\, noun:
a bitter verbal attack or speech

I see diatribes all over the 'net these days; oh, I've seen them before, but not nearly as much as now. They're not verbal (unless they're on YouTube) but I think the term still applies to these posted rants.

I don't join in on them much these days...blood pressure, you see.

### Easter Bunny Letters

Free letter from the Easter Bunny

Fill out the form, personalizing it with your child's name and other information and you'll receive a letter you can print out.

Here's a sample I made for myself:

Dear Mike,

Hi, and Happy Easter! Things are very busy here in our village. Some of the younger rabbits just finished learning how to decorate eggs. The hens are laying extra eggs so that we will have enough for everyone who has been good. As far as the candy makers, they are all working overtime! Soon, I will be ready to hop over to Pampa!

Are you getting ready to celebrate Easter? Are you friends ready to celebrate, too? I'll bet you are really looking forward to finding all the treats I leave. I see that you would like chocolate Easter bunnies. I will try my best to bring some, along with a basket of goodies for you and the rest of your family.

I love this time of year, because Spring is here! Soon the flowers will start to grow, baby animals will be born, and the weather will be just right for an Easter Egg Hunt. Do you like Easter Egg Hunts? I bet that you find lots of eggs this year, because the chickens are really working hard!

Well, I better go for now. The hens are making a lot of noise and I have to see who is bothering them. Remember to be extra good for BJ Katt, because I have to hop right past houses that have naughty children! I hope your house is one of those that stays on my list. Have a Hoppy Easter!!

Love,

The Easter Bunny

P.S. Don't forget to leave me a carrot or some lettuce--I can get very hungry making my rounds!!

### Especially the 7th Inning Stretch

 You Are Baseball Games You like old fashioned things. You're one of those people who values tradition.You enjoy a slow pace of life. You believe that life is all about enjoying every moment.You love the changing of the seasons, and you look forward to what each season brings.You are smart and a bit obsessive. You become very immersed in your interests.

## March 20, 2009

### Freedom Fortune

Such as "Mike, someone's made your bail."???

### florid

1. Flushed with red; of a lively reddish color.
2. Excessively ornate; flowery; as, "a florid style; florid eloquence."

Other than there being a few items posted that might make someone blush or my "flowery" overuse of adjectives most of the time, this word doesn't describe this blog at all.

It's very seldom red.

## March 19, 2009

### I Am Today

 You Are Thursday Like this day of the week, you are ruled by Jupiter.More than anything, you are generous.You are an extravagant person, but you also like to spread your wealth around.You love to give. But more importantly, you love to be adored for your big-heartedness.Though many people may see Thursday as “nothing special” - you are very special.You're so special that you can't help but be a little conceited!

### Doggie Devours Dough

NC woman hopes to cash in after dog's deposit

APEX, N.C. (AP) - A North Carolina family's dog didn't eat the children's homework, he ate mom's money. Kelley Davis said she had an extra $400 in cash to deposit after working extra hours as a physical therapist. She told the News & Observer of Raleigh that on Friday she planned to deposit the money, but it wasn't in her pocket. She remembered leaving it in the bedroom and it occurred to her that the family's 2-year-old greater Swiss mountain dog, Augie, might have eaten it. Davis, 42, said when she took Augie for a walk Saturday, she found parts of three$100 bills and five \$20s in his leavings. She washed them with a garden hose and hopes to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash.

A professor at the North Carolina State University Veterinary School said the money shouldn't hurt the dog.

I was torn between the headline I used or:

"Canine Craps Cash"

Gives a whole new meaning to "money laundering", doesn't it?

### The 10 Most Disgusting Delicacies

From the website

“Think” Fear Factor and Iron Chef combined and you have THE potentially most disgusting buffet of expertly prepared food delicacies on the planet. The world is truly a diverse place especially when you launch a gustatory exploration of what have become curious ick-factor foods for a modernized, watered-down, American palate. Truth is as “foreign” as most of these dishes can be, many have deep cultural underpinnings, some of them the side dishes of famous feasts and the tables of kings.

All the vital organs of just about any species have been consumed at one time or another and some of them are rich in the best dietary nutrients. Amazonian ants, half-cooked fetal eggs, wriggly worms of all kinds and stages of life, hoofs, beaks, ears, and eyeballs have all been efficiently put to good culinary use. Prep methods are just as enticing: fermenting, pickling, infusing, boiling, blowtorching, decomposing, and simply served live and wriggling.

Culinary Thrill-Seeking for Some, Time-Honored Traditions for Others

If you’re a gag-seeker, foodie adventurer, or looking for some tantalizing new ethnic dish to serve to guests that goes well beyond the ordinary dinner party fare, here are some of the notoriously “I hope I’m never served…” foods, and how they’re prepared, from around the globe.

The 10 Most Disgusting Delicacies to Try Before You Die - Would You Eat These?

## March 18, 2009

### Fearful Fortune

I hope she's not packin' heat.

### elucidate

elucidate \ih-LOO-si-dayt\, transitive verb:
To make clear or manifest; to render more intelligible; to illustrate; as, an example will elucidate the subject.

This blog sometimes illustrates, but fails miserably on the other definitions.

### Freaky Favicon

Quite a few hits on this blog come from image searches, such as the following:

Sometimes it's easy to see...as above...what the post was, but sometimes the Feedjit widget just shows someone came to this site from the Google image search. The result sometimes does not show what they were looking for and I have to click on the link in the frame from the Google image search to see what graphic they were wanting to see.

I noticed something unusual the other day when I clicked on the link; usually the favicon (the tiny image in front of the URL in the address window) will show the Picassa favicon:

But the following photo had a favicon that was the photo!

This is going to bother me until I figure it out.

I'm thinking of adding a favicon to this blog, BTW, but most images are not very clear when reduced to 16x16.

### Cowboy's Ten Commandments

Posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas.

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.

### Fallen Angels

Maybe it's the angels that HAVEN'T noticed me I should be worried about catching their eye.

The only earthly angels that have noticed me lately are the fallen kind. (the Russian ones that show up in my spam folder... the angels that have an angle)

Earth Angel - The Temptations

## March 17, 2009

### libation

libation \ly-BAY-shun\, noun:
1. The act of pouring a liquid (usually wine) either on the ground or on a victim in sacrifice to some deity; also, the wine or liquid thus poured out.
2. A beverage, especially an alcoholic beverage.
3. An act or instance of drinking.

What an appropriate word for St. Patrick's Day!

### You Might Be a Leprechaun

You might be a leprechaun if:

You snicker uncontrollably all the way through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

Your record collection is stocked only with very short artists, Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.

When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)

In your cupboard there is nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.

Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.

You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.

You've been under a rock for the past few years.

You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)

You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."

When you eat good food, you say it is "magically delicious".

And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun:

You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

## March 16, 2009

### Felicity & Felines

Happiness is like a cat. If you try to coax it or call it, it will avoid you. It will never come. But if you pay no attention to it and go about your business, you'll find it rubbing up against your legs and jumping into your lap.
- William Bennett

### I Am Stuporman!

 You Would Be a Upstanding Superhero You are alert and observant. You can see through people easily. You know who's evil and who's good.You need a lot of freedom in your life. You like to do your own thing, and you don't fit into any normal mold.You understand people quite well and often know what others are thinking. Because of this, you can get people to do what you want.You tend to feel apart from the rest of the world. You don't really fit in, and you don't try to!You are a true intellectual. You are thirsty for knowledge, and you are curious about the world.

I hope I wouldn't have breasts like the superhero pictured above.

### Can I Call You Nasty?

Hello!

I hope that I'm not mistaken and found a man who is really looking for serious relations. I would like to know more about you.

I'm looking for serious long relations, and may be create the family in the future. I want to tell you more about me. My name is Anastasiya but my friends call me Nastya, you can also call me in such a way.

I was born and I live in Russia,in Kazan city. I'm 27 years old. I live alone, and I don't have parents. My aunt brought me up from 12 years. I am lonely, never was married and I have no children. But I want when be to have them, with the loved person. (I'm romantic girl))I did not have any relations with the man for already 3 years.

I think that could be good friendship in the beginning, and we will see how it will result us. What do you think about it?

I also send you my photo.I wait for your letter and a photo soon!

please, write me on my personal email: vsesuperpuper@gmail.com

Have a good day!
Nastya.

Dear Nasty,

I hope I can call you that; you said in "such a way", and that's the way I'd like to think of you.

Wow, no parents? Are you an orphan or did you hatch from some Russky cold war experiment? My dad used to tell me he peed on a cow patty and the next day he kicked it over and there I was.

Three years? Really? It's been longer than that for me, but I ain't braggin' about it.

By any chance was your aunt's title "Madam"?

I think I'll pass, even though you're prettier than most of the girls that write me. To be honest with you, I'm not fond of mass mailing marriages.

I really just wanted to post this so the spambots will pick up "your" address and the one from the jerk who really sent it.

denslowe@metatech.com.sg

Always,
Mike

## March 15, 2009

### scintilla

scintilla \sin-TIL-uh\, noun:
A tiny or scarcely detectable amount; the slightest particle; a trace; a spark.

Pretty much describes the worthwhile content of this blog.

### Unfortunate Fortune

I'd jump that hurdle but I'm just not good enough.

### My First LOL

The first time I literally laughed out loud after I got on the 'net was when I read this:

To be is to do- Socrates
To do is to be- Sartre
Do be do be do- Sinatra

### Cursebird

From the website:

Cursebird is the real-time feed of people swearing on Twitter.

Several months ago I was chatting with an online "former friend" and was encouraged to join Twitter . He was offended when I told him "Thanks, but no thanks" mainly because of the language and that it seems to be for the "younger crowd" and that I didn't care for the immature posters and inane posts. He closed the chat window but not before he had cursed at me and said I was a "behind-the-times old &*^%#*&!". I bet he leads the Cursebird League if he's that thin-skinned and foul-mouthed. He's certainly one of those I was talking about, the "Twits who Twitter".

Sure, I've been known to have a potty-mouth at times, but it's almost always to accentuate my point or to show someone just how angry I am. I'm with the general consensus that excessive swearing is a sign of a limited vocabulary.

DO NOT GO TO THE SITE if you're offended by rude language!!!

I've got some cursing parrot jokes, but will leave them out.

## March 14, 2009

### esoteric

From this blog's Word of the Day feed:

1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite
2. belonging to the select few
3. private; secret; confidential
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group

For better or worse, that pretty much describes this blog.

### Feathered Fried Fortune

This fortune is funny on several levels. I eat chicken several times a week and in fact, had it yesterday for lunch AND supper. There's a few pieces left over, so I'll probably have it again for my late lunch today.

Maybe this fortune is warning me that if I eat much more chicken I'll start sprouting pinfeathers.

It's certainly not fortunate to be a chicken when I'm around.

Ride the Chicken Train

### Senior Citizen Humor

From the email archives:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,

'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a dumbass. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

## March 13, 2009

### Past Due Fortune

Oh, but I do.

It's done in Early Salvation Army.

### 4,550,285

That's this blog's ranking on Alexa.

That's the bad news.

The good news?

It was five million and sumpthin' a year ago.

At this rate, we'll be #1 in about ten years.

EDIT: Just checked and we've dropped to 4,787,069. At that rate, this blog will be in ten millionth place in ten years.

### Funny False Fortune For a Fool

This isn't true; I'm not interested in public service, nor would I would make an outstanding statesman.

OTOH, I'd make a better president than the one we have now...or the last several, for that matter.

I'm still not sayin' I'd make an outstanding statesman, I'm just sayin'.

### Andy Thomas

Please visit AndyThomas.com to see some fantastic paintings; he specializes in western art, but also has political and civil war art as well.

I'm particularly enamored of his two paintings of past presidents playing poker, both with convention bunting in the background: the True Blues with Democrat presidents such as JFK, FDR, LBJ and even Clinton. His Grand Old Gang painting features Republican presidents Reagan, Bush I and II, Lincoln and even Nixon.

I had seen the Grand Old Gang painting in a forum with the caption "And I told Obama: 'Sir, I know Abe Lincoln and you are no Abe Lincoln!"

The artist was on the Lars Larson radio show tonight and Mr. Larson commented that the original Grand Old Gang painting has been sold, but he noticed the True Blues had not. Mr. Thomas glibly replied that Democrats "normally don't spend money."

## March 12, 2009

### tetchy

From the Word of the Day

Peevish; testy; irritable.

I'm this way most of the time these days. So are many other Americans, except for most of those who voted for this President ... but they get that way when we criticize "THE ONE".

### Emma? Sona? Sybil?

Hello. Please do not be surprised this message is not spam mailing.

You probably will be very surprised that I write you a letter. But yesterday, I was surprised, too, when my e-mail address, came a letter, which said about love, about the feelings among people. The main motto of this letter was the phrase «Looking for love and you will be happy». I liked the letter.

In the list of e-mail address, I saw your e-mail and decided to write to you. Perhaps you are looking for love? Maybe this letter - the fate? I do not know how the man who sent me the letter, hear my personal e-mail. But I think it is not important. The most important thing is that now I can write you a letter.

You know, I want you to learn more. But first, I want to tell a little about me. My name is Sona. I'm from Armenia. I am 27 years old. I have never been married and have no children. I am pretty, quiet, kind and sociable girl. I would be interested to talk with you and know you closer. I compose their communication with the primary objective - creating serious relationships. Relations without deception, without any games. I want to find this man who can love and respect me. I hope that you just want to find their love?

I believe in romantic relationships, appearance and age is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that people know how to love and respect on this! I have different hobbies and interests, among them -sports, cooking, reading, music. Of particular interest to me a matter of housekeeping, cleaning the house. I like to experiment in the kitchen. I love animals. I am leading a healthy lifestyle. I do not smoke nor drink alcohol.

My new friend, can you tell me about you? I want you to learn more. The following letters, I will tell you about me, in more detail.

Please reply only to my personal e-mail: emma6mura@gmail.com

Of course, I will send you a lot of my photos, of whom you know my life. In my photo showing all the moments of my life - joy, muse, and even in some sad moments. I eagerly await your response will be. I really want you to learn more. Please do not forget about me.

Emma.

Dear Emma...or Sona,

I never sent you an email, but I appreciate yours because it allows me to post the email addy and the one from which it was sent.

Funny thing about these mails; they're nearly all the same. All of you women are around 27 years old and are pretty (and some of you flatter yourselves) and love to do housework.

If you saw my house you'd change your tune, lemme tell ya.

Now, if your daddy owns a liquor store, you'll get my interest.

I try to poke fun at these mails, but they're so identical I'm having problems finding new things to ridicule. Actually, I post them as an excuse to put the email addresses on the 'net in hope the spambots will nab 'em and deluge your inbox just as they do mine.

"You want me to learn more."??? Sorry dear heart, ya can't teach an old dog new tricks and this particular old dog is wise to yours.

Always,
Mike

P.S. The "Sybil" reference might've gone over your head, sorry.

OTOH, if you can dance like THIS, then I might be interested:

### Water You?

 You Are an Ocean You are impressive and fascinating. People are drawn to your glory.You are a profound and passionate person. You are boundless in your power.You have a philosophical and poetic soul. You take a lot of time to reflect.You are mysterious and captivating. You are too deep for anyone to figure out.

I think I'm more like a mud puddle.

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