Big, BIG Secret

So secret that not a single soul knows.

Mensa or Densa, which are you?

Knit Pick

I really need to learn how to knit. I've got so much cat hair in my house that if I had the internal organs, I could knit me another cat.

---

Knit One, Purl Two - Glenn Miller

Good News, Bad News

The bad news is it's taking its own sweet time getting here.

It Was a Good Day

Until I read my fortune:



My last New Year's resolution was to never make another resolution.

My Windfall Will Fall

Thank goodness.

I was just about to go broke buying lotto tickets.

That's Nice to Know

I Don't Mind Fortunes Like These

Even when they're so wrong.



Heck, I have trouble unlocking my door.

This Fortune's a Beaut

That might very well be true, but trust me....

It's not always a good thing.

Weekend Fortune

They nearly got it right: an ass with gumption challenged my weekend.

Dear Someone

C'mon "someone".

Don't leave me hangin'.

I Put My Trust

In these daily fortunes.



When I was a kid, it was "Don't trust anyone over 30."

Now that I'm over 30 (just by a little bit) I don't trust anyone under 30 OR over 30.

Heck, I don't even trust myself.

Fourth Grade Fortune

OK, I did, and I'll tell you about a little bit of it.

It was a bad year; I was rushing into puberty head-over-heels and was embarrassed by the tendrils of hair popping up under my arms and down around....well, you get the idea. I was getting hair in places that even some of the fifth graders weren't, plus my voice was cracking up and down an octave every time I got excited and tried to talk...and it didn't help being teased about it by those same underdeveloped fifth graders. The bastards.

I also remember that the fourth grade was the worst I ever did in school. Like the rest of the boys, I sat in the back row and thanks to my body changing, particularly my eyes, I couldn't see the blackboard. My folks, particularly my dad, were annoyed because I was bringing home such poor grades. The only thing I wanted to do was read books and that was because that was one of the few things I COULD do. Dad took me out in the garage and decided a good whoopin' was what I needed. At least I couldn't see the 1x4 he picked up after he told me to bend over. The ass-blistering I got didn't hurt nearly as bad as his edict that I couldn't read anything other than my text books until my grades came back up.

It was nearly the end of the school year anyway, and somehow I managed to pass. The "spanking" motivated me, for sure, but I still resent it. (he should've noticed the wrinkles around my eyes from squinting, I think) I also saved up what little money I could scrounge, bought a flashlight and read books under the covers late at night. The next year I got glasses and my grades shot back up.

Another thing I remember about that year was one of those fifth grade boys asking me a math question: "What is 8 x 8?" I came back with the correct answer "64", pleased with myself that I had passed the test...until the boy said "Nope, that's wrong!"

I just stood there staring until he waited for a few seconds and announced:

"It's 65. It's a leap year!"

I ran into the guy's mother a few years back and told her that story; she got a laugh out of it. I didn't bring up my getting hairy that year, though.

It was also the year of my first girlfriend. Reckon my entrance into puberty had anything to do with that? I'm sure my cracking voice and emerging zits didn't attract her. Maybe she noticed the hair in my armpits.

Girls In My Garbage

Wow, this is freaky.

Just yesterday I threw out all my old Playboy magazines.

I Promise I Will

(said with fingers crossed behind back)

I Almost Forgot

To put this fortune in for today.

Dreams

Oh, I hope not. Especially not the dreams I have after drinking a couple of beers along with eating some pickled okra and sardines covered in hot sauce and horseradish. If my dreams ARE the best guide to the future, then I can look forward to 6 foot tall tap-dancing talking cats that drive motorcycles.

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics



Annie Lennox has been the subject of a few of my better dreams. I dream in color...I know, because I remember her tangerine marine haircut.

I'm glad I don't dream of Patsy Cline, even though she was beautiful.

Sweet Dreams - Patsy Cline



More dreamy gals:

These Dreams - Heart



I'd like to add Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" because I've had several dreams about Stevie Nicks (and wish I'd had some with Christine McVie) or The Cranberry's "Dreams". I could go on and on with this dream theme scheme but....

The Anti-Fortune

That's so funny (and wrong) I don't even know what to say.

Funny Food Fortune

I had a hot dog with onions on a white bread bun tonight.

Guess that means I'm a weenie with bad breath and high blood sugar.

Happiness is Nearby

Yeah, and he just turned up his nose at his breakfast. Darn cat.

I dunno if that's the happiness my fortune is talking about. Also next to me is a bottle of premium tequila I bought a couple of years ago for a present and put away and just found again the other day. If that's the happiness, then tomorrow's fortune will read "You feel like crap."

I usually post only the music I like, but today's fortune made me think of this song, IMO the worst song the Beatles ever did.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

With My Luck

It's probably a mortician.