New Cattle Genetics Breakthrough!

ToTG has recently discovered that scientists at Texas A&M University have developed a new breed of beef cattle, the two-legged folding cow. The head folds back to save pen space and consequently allows more animals per truck when shipping to market, but the forward half of the cow will still yield only those tougher and cheaper cuts of meat, the shoulder, brisket, etc. so more research and development is expected.

Green Apple Goat Gulp

This is a funny little goat out at the horse pens; he's got one half-horn, but it's wrapped around his ear. When I pointed the camera at him for this shot, he quit chewing and stood very still. I think he was hoping I was cutting him off another piece of apple.

Viva Las Vegas - ZZ Top

Shirl's Scary Spider

I had no more than got lathered up in the shower when I heard the phone ringing. Annoyed, I grabbed for my towel and dripped my way into the bedroom. As is often the case, as soon as I picked it up the line was dead.

Soap stinging my eyes, I pulled the towel towards my face and saw this:

"Oh, hello!" I said to the wolf spider.

(that's not entirely true, I screamed like a little girl and added a little bit to the puddle of water at my feet...but, this is my story, and I'm stickin' to it)

"Where'd you come from?" I asked.

"Aw, man." he said. "Hope you don't mind, but I needed a place to crash for a few days. I was stayin' at this Shirl woman's place, but I overheard her sayin' she was gonna poison me!"

"Well," I replied. "I really don't want you staying here; I've had some trouble with some poisonous spiders and have been thinking of really nuking this place with some chemicals..." I trailed off, not wanting to insult him by speaking of the annihilation of some of his fellow species.

"You talkin' 'bout those Brown Recluse in your crawlspace?" he asked. "Man, don't mess with them, they won't hurt you as long as you don't let them bite you."

Duh, I thought.

He went on. " 'Sides that, you should catch their show with the Black Widows, they do a takeoff on West Side Story, only instead of Sharks and Jets, it's 'Fiddlebacks vs. Hourglasses'. Man, the dance numbers, all those legs..." .

"Nah," I told him. "I'm not much on off-off-Broadway stuff."

"I wouldn't take up much space." he pleaded. "I could sleep in your shoe...?"

I violently shook my head, shuddering at the thought.

"Aw, c'mon dude." he persisted.

Nope, I told him.

"You should use a little fabric softener next time you do a load of towels." he said, pouting at my refusal. I tried to explain to him about softener making them less absorbent, but he interrupted me:

"Say!" he exclaimed. "Wouldn't you like a talking spider around? Especially one as handsome as me, go on, get closer, tell me who I look like!!!"

Thinking to myself that I seldom have friends over and that the few friends I DO have come over WOULDN'T ever come over again if they saw a spider, and especially never again if they heard one speak, I politely looked him over and replied:

"Uh...Fidel Castro?"

"No, no, no!" he said impatiently with a wave of several legs. "Look at me from THIS angle." and with a clittering of tiny claws he shuffled around like a miniature Sherman tank, showing me his profile from the other side.

"George Clooney, right?" he declared. "When he's gotta beard, cantchoosee?"

I really couldn't see it; Dennis Miller, maybe, but George Clooney?

Any day now...

...KVII-TV in Amarillo will ask me to stop submitting photos. I suspect they're only humoring me for the time being, but little do they know it's not a good idea to encourage an anal-retentive obsessive/compulsive.



That's a sum-total of one minute of fame...but who's counting?

UPDATE: They showed the pic just before going to break, then said something about Indiana Jones and his fear of snakes, then when they came back, showed the photo and read the "title" and both the anchor and the weatherman...

(who is much balder than I am, BTW. I think most weathermen ARE bald, come to think of it. That might be a career option for me down the road, hmmm...)

...commented on the "long title".

I didn't "title" it that, they can title it as they wish . That was the description, because they never say WHERE the pics are taken, not the ones I've seen.

They'd better be glad they didn't make fun of my "basking in the sun" bit. That's the first time I've ever had a chance to use that phrase, so it's not like I'M wearin' it out.

On the other hand, they read the "title" for another photo of mine they chose.

I think I understand the subtle jibe they gave me on this last photo: they want more alliteration. I don't blame 'em, they can recognize an alliterative genius such as myself, I'm sure.

I simply didn't want to overwhelm 'em with

"Sunday Sun Shining on Sleepy Snake"