Redneck Solution

From the email archives:

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The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)



These Southern boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, mamma or Jesus.

5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday

My name is Oksana

another love letter from the spam folder:

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And you have very much liked me. And I have decided to write to you that will meet you to get friendly communications. I search to myself for the friend with whom it is possible to spend time and can and to create in the future serious attitudes.

If you want to learn about me more and better that write to me on mine email: oksanaalone555@gmail.com

I shall be glad to answer you. I also shall be glad to learn about you more and to receive your photo. I shall respond also to you and I shall send a photo. I very much hope that you will answer my letter. Write with personal email.

Your new friend Oksana.

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Dear Oksana,

It's not even the future and I already have some serious attitudes about you.

Let's cut to the chase, all right? Attached is a document with my SS#, my bank routing number and my home phone and address. That'll save you the trouble of wheedling all that out of me with vague promises of sex and adamant vows of your love for me.

Your pal,
Mike

P.S. When you send those photos, make 'em of you naked, ok?

Smart or Stoopid?

Are you smart or stoopid?

Take the test at the aptly titled site smartorstoopid

From the website:

The Smart or Stoopid test is purely meant to be a fun quiz to see how your IQ rates alongside the average, based on the scores of other people who have taken the test. Naturally, only stupid people would take it as a true indicator of intelligence, and only intelligent people would take it as a true indicator of stupidity. Or something like that.

The quiz is on a timer and each multiple choice question comes fast, so be alert! I think I missed a couple (took this test a couple days ago and have slept since then) I saved my score w/ a screen shot, though.

Look at Mike's Big Brain, wouldja?

Past President's Puns

Pepper Pop Plasters Poor Portales

From last week's Portales NM pntonline:

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Dr Pepper truck spills load

Diet or regular — Portales clean-up crews had plenty of choices Tuesday after a Dr Pepper truck dumped its load at Avenue A and First Street.

Police said a flatbed Dr Pepper truck was west bound on First Street when its load shifted while attempting a lane change.

The intersection was down to one lane in all directions, while clean up crews hosed off the sticky mess. The clean up took about 45 minutes.

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45 minutes to clean up the entire mess?

I heard the clean up crews had to go back at 10, 2 and 4 to finish it all off.

This might be true, but...

You Are a Cartographer

You have a wide range of knowledge and you're very detail oriented. You have a photographic memory, and you remember places very well. Like a middle ages cartographer, you're also very adventurous and curious about the world. In modern times, you would make a good non-fiction writer or scientist.

What's Your Medieval Profession?

This flatters me, but I think I would probably have been a lowly peon working in the King's stable, shoveling horse...well, you know.

I'd rather have been the footstool for the Queen.

Life In Technicolor ii - Coldplay