Stupendous Slinky Skills

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— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) June 3, 2019

My Future

I saw one of those Magic 8-Ball toys the other day in a store; I hadn't seen one in a long time and thought they had been discontinued. On a lark, I picked it up and started asking it questions. "Will I ever find love again?" The answer: "Don't count on it" Well rats.   I kept asking questions and kept getting answers I didn't want to see.  Surely something good was going to happen to me!

Hopefully, I asked another question and got this:

What has the Microsoft e-mail program have to do with my winning the lottery?

Slinky Master

I never could get the thing to go down the stairs when I had one.

The Wicked Water Wiggle

Did you ever have one of these "toys"? My sisters and I got one many summers ago, and it didn't take long for it to go unused. I don't recall exactly what happened to it, but maybe it got run over "accidentally" by the lawnmower. -ahem-

The thing was basically a water faucet with a cute little bell-shaped head around it, connected to a hose that was in turn connected to a water hose. The faucet part was so heavy it took quite a bit of pressure to get it going/airborne and there was absolutely no happy medium to it - it was all or nothing.

The object of the "toy" was to get close to it and then dodge its gyrations, getting wonderfully wet in the process. All too often, however, it seemed to go on a rampage and wiggle uncontrollably and usually whacking me in the head.

That probably explains what's wrong with me today.

It also says a great deal about the difference in today's litigious society and that of my childhood days. The toy, put on the market in '62, wasn't recalled until 1978.

Me, I think the damn thing was invented by a sadist.