Gift Suggestion

Something I'd love to have, because my ass sure seems chapped a lot here lately.

Taint Paint

(from the website)

Use Taint Paint's all natural mixture of bees wax,
coconut oil, almond oil and vitamin E to combat:

Mechanic’s ass
Trucker’s Butt
Chaped Chode
Torn up Taint
Athlete’s Chafe
Asshole Casserole
Diaper Rash (Both Infant and Elderly)
Farmer’s Crack
Swamp ass (Swass) and Crotch
Over Sexed Grundel
Raw Booty
Niagra Balls
Tender Haunches-
And any other rubbed or sore area.
For External Use Only

I've had all of those.(at one time or 'nother)

Remember, my birthday is close and Christmas isn't all that far off!

(I could use it before then, though)

Things That Must Die

My personal favorites are "Giving 110%", "Dogs in Clothes" and "Plumber's Cleavage", not that I would really compare that last with the common thought.

Things That Must Die

Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole

RIP "Iz"

May 20, 1959 – June 26, 1997

Pioneer Woman

In the garden of the Lovett Memorial Library in Pampa stands this lovely statue, "Pioneer Woman", a tribute to the women who helped to settle this area.

I love to sit out in the garden on nice days and look at her; she changes colors with the position of the sun, a lovely golden-brown in the morning shade to a dull saffron in the afternoon glare. The shadows of the clouds scurrying overhead diffuse the light across her face, seemingly making her change expression.

She's not beautiful, but would be more what we might say here in Texas, "a handsome woman". The babe in arms shows she's fertile and that was a necessity for anyone wanting to carve out a future here on the Golden Plains. You needed a lot of sons to help with the plowin' and a few girls to help their momma take care of the menfolk.

I had been taking photos from the left because that's the way the sun was shining and I couldn't get a good photo from the other direction.

Something was wrong, though; it wasn't just the sun, but there was something a bit odd and I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't until I got home and downloaded all these photos and really looked closely at them that I saw what was bothering me. I even went back up to the library to verify what I had seen.

Mizz Pioneer Woman really needs to blow her nose; she's got a spider nest in her left nostril.

My Destiny

Just read an article on the Amarillo.com website, Tough enough for tackles, about the possibility of a team for Amarillo in the National Women's Football League.

It's about time and no, I'm not talking equality, but for the chance of a job. A good job...no, a GREAT job.

You see, it was written long ago that I would be doing something in this particular field.

Back in h.s., the juniors and seniors had this tradition: the seniors would will "things" to the juniors. I willed my favorite parking spot and an ashtray to some of my junior buddies. In turn, the juniors would make predictions about what sort of life/jobs the seniors would have in the future.

The juniors predicted I would someday be a trainer for a woman's football team, specializing in after-practice rubdowns and shoulder pad adjustments.

I can't wait.

Blueberries with Wings

When I first started this blog, I thought it would be fun to do "reviews" of my favorite eating establishments here in town. The reviews would be tongue-in-cheek, because if I didn't like the food, I wouldn't eat at them.

When talking about places to eat in Pampa, the logical place to begin would be at the Coney Island. It's a local icon and the first place most college students on break or former residents head when they return to visit.



Local legend maintains that Woody Guthrie worked there (before it was the Coney) and performed and wrote some of his most famous songs there. The Gikas brothers owned it until a few years ago, and were famous for their ill tempers and public lambasting of the waitresses when they screwed up an order. (no tickets were written, the orders were yelled out by the waitresses and woe be unto the poor woman who didn't follow their strict instructions)

As was said, it's changed hands, and the best thing about the new ownership is that it's ever so much cleaner than it was with the previous owners. (they were too busy yelling to clean the bathroom and kitchen, I guess)

Some people rave about the food, but I believe it's no worse, no better than most any other place of its type. They serve a limited menu: hamburgers, hot dogs (coneys), chili and stew, but I'll stipulate that the pies are among the best I've ever sampled. (chocolate and lemon are my favorites)

I took my camera down there so I could take photos of my order, but I was too late to get my normal pick of pie and had to settle for what was left. I never had eaten the blueberry pie, so that's what I ordered.

I was served, and I arranged the food for my shot; nothing spectacular, but I would wager that anyone who has eaten there would recognize what I had: "two on one, deluxe ham" with the blueberry pie. (hey, I was HUNGRY!) Before I found out I was diabetic, it would've been a strawberry soda to drink, but now I settle for Diet Coke.



I snapped a few shots, decided they were good enough and started to chow down.

It wasn't until I got home and was wondering which of the photos were the best that I noticed something on my ham sandwich.



That was either a fly, or blueberries have wings.