Neighbors

From the email archives:

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There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!'

One day an atheist moved into the house next door.

He became irritated at the little old lady.

Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: 'THERE IS NO LORD!'

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

'PRAISE THE LORD!' she cried out. 'HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!'

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: 'THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!'

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted:

'PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!'

Boobs & Bigots

I used to think "KKK" referred to those white supremacists in robes sneaking around at night and burning crosses.

I need to think again.

If she burned her bra, it could heat a small country for a day. There's enough silicone there to caulk all the windows in Pampa.

One thing's for sure: she'll never drown.

Valentine's Day Recipes

Celebrate Valentine's Day with ideas and recipes from Betty Crocker

I'll marry the woman who would bake the Indulgent Brownie Torte for me.



I'd advise her to get a bunch of life insurance on me, though, because the sugar would kill me.

What a way to go.

My Name is Luke

You Are Warm

You are as patient, as outgoing, and as nice as you can be. You understand people well, and you mostly enjoy being around them. You are a naturally warm person, but you do have times when you're feeling a bit distant. But even when you're feeling distant, you try to be empathetic. You always go the extra mile.

How Warm Are You?

Right Down The Line - Gerry Rafferty

No vid, sorry. Such a beautiful song doesn't really need one.

Dedicated to Alison and Chester.

Kickbutt Amped Energy Ballz™

Who in their right mind wouldn't want to try some Kickbutt Amped Energy Ballz™ ???

From the website:

What are kickbutt amped energy ballz™?

kickbutt amped energy ballz™ are a true functional food for instant and sustained energy, providing hours of alertness and vigor – without the ‘crash’ common to many of the energy-enhancement products on the market. kickbutt amped energy ballz™ are formulated with the ideal blend of ingredients needed to deliver a nutritious energy kick that lasts.

They contain:

- high quality whey protein isolates/concentrates
(for endurance,muscle and bone strength)
- complex carbohydrates (for dietary fibre)
- energizing vitamins and herbs
- creatine (preserves muscle mass)
- caffeine (for instant energy)