Welcome to ToTG!


Good evening!



April 7, 2009

Old Farmer's Wisdom

From the email archives:



* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.

Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

I Promise I Will



(said with fingers crossed behind back)

Will Rogers Never Met Me

A fool and his money are soon elected.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Wiki on Will Rogers

Buzz Off Eva

Hi! My name is Eva.

I am a girl from Russia and want to find friend in USA. If you are interested in our acquaintence, please, write me on my e-mail address: preety1girla@googlemail.com I will tell you more about me and my life. I think you won’t be dissapointed because I am very cheerful and try to enjoy the life. I also like to get new friends and share my thought and ideas with them. I have many friends here in Russia. But I don’t have any friend abroad yet. I think it is just the time to get new experience. I hope you won’t deny such a sweet lady to become her friend. Sweet and warm kiss from Russia. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Eva

Dear Eva,

I'm sorry, but I don't like these letters without photos. I won't even make fun of yours and am only publishing it as so to make your email address available for the spambots.

Regards,
Mike

P.S. Here's the email it really came from: upsappy@maildropdirect.com



UPDATE: Got another letter from Eva, but this one is from a different spammer.
(surprise, surprise!)
igsatiric@domainsatretail.com


Two more identical ones while I slept
nlmainland@enexes.com
cscyanamid@lanset.com

I Almost Forgot

To put this fortune in for today.

Mint For Me




You Are Mint



You are a honest person with a strong personality. Your frank point of view is refreshing.

You've been quite lucky in your life, though you have made more of your own luck than you realize.

You are engaging and disarming. You definitely have the "gift of gab!"

You live an edgy, dynamic life. Sometimes you get a little burned, but you always bounce back.




You Were Mint Meant For Me - Jewel