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September 8, 2012

I Don't Think So

I think it means a black umbrella is the only kind I've ever had that stood up to the fierce Panhandle wind. I had a little red umbrella once; I kept it in the glove box and used it exactly one time during an afternoon thunderstorm to get from my car to the house without getting wet.

I reckon it was in Oklahoma by supper time.

Your Black Umbrella Says You're Powerful
When faced with adversity, you respond with authority. You don't let problems faze you.

You are naturally powerful and commanding. People look to you to take charge.

You are elegant and classy. You know how to always say and do the right thing.

While you stand out, you also fit it. You thrive in a variety of situations.

On a rainy day: you carry on as normal - a little bad weather isn't going to get in your way!

The Note

Several years ago, my favorite neighbor was stricken with Alzheimer's Disease.  The once funny and personable friend of mine was now paranoid and delusional and it broke my heart to see him that way.

One night I heard a commotion on the porch and opened the door to see him standing there in his bath robe.  "What's up?" I asked him.  "My wife is trying to kill me!" he said.  I assured him she loved him and would do no such thing and led him back across the street to his home.  By that time, his wife had noticed he had gone missing and met me at the door.  Relieved, she thanked me and against his protests, took him back inside.

I had no sooner got back home when I heard some yelling "Help me!  HELP ME!!! She's going to kill me!"  I rushed back across the street to see if I could help and saw him running along the side of their house.  I helped his wife get him back under control and that's when she told me she had hidden his guns, afraid that he would hurt himself or someone else.  He couldn't find his guns, so that was the reason he thought she was going to kill him.

My neighbor's daughter was there, too, and she thanked me for my help and I told her that's what friends and neighbors were for and to call me if they ever had any more trouble.  She said she didn't have my number and I told her it was published.  She said her phone was unlisted and started to tell it to me but I told her I wasn't good at remembering numbers and I'd get it from her another time or from her mother.

The next day I found a sticky note on my screen door with a nice little message and her phone number.  I stuck it up on the bulletin board by my phone and didn't give it another thought.

My neighbor passed away shortly after that night.  I still miss him, especially on the 4th when we'd pop firecrackers and set off bottle rockets and act innocent when the police cars slowly drove by.   We used to sit on his porch and drink beer, talk politics and the world's problems and what we'd do to fix them. My favorite times with him were watching the meteor showers; he had never done that (as a planned activity) and it was so much fun to be with him and watch the fireballs as they streaked across the sky.  The first time we watched a shower, we saw one so close that we could see the smoke trail and heard it as it made a noise like tearing a bed sheet.   That had him hooked and he was always game to sit out and watch a summertime meteor shower.

It was several months later when I had my girlfriend over and she asked to use the phone.  I told her to help herself and after she was through she turned to me and asked "What is this?" in a hurt and suspicious tone, pointing to a piece of paper on my bulletin board.

It was the note.  I had to do some quick explaining and I guess my explanation was so detailed and specific she believed me.  Still, I didn't blame her because the note read:

"Thanks for last night.  If you need anything, call me. Love, Teresa." with her phone number.

Yep, I'd have wondered about that, too.

Por Una Cabeza

One of my favorites of all time, this tango scene from the Al Pacino film Scent of a Woman. I also love the song.

Dedicated to someone very special.



Here are the words to the song, Por Una Cabeza, in English.


BY THE HEAD OF A HORSE

Losing by a head of a noble horse
who slackens just down the stretch
and when it comes back it seems to say:
don't forget brother,
You know, you shouldn't bet.

Losing by a head, instant violent love
of that flirtatious and cheerful woman
who, swearing with a smile
a love she's lying about,
burns in a blaze all my love.

Losing by a head
there was all that madness;
her mouth in a kiss
wipes out the sadness,
it soothes the bitterness.

Losing by a head
if she forgets me,
no matter to lose
my life a thousand times;
why live?

Many deceptions, loosing by a head...
I swore a thousand times not to insist again
but if a look sways me on passing by
her lips of fire, I want to kiss once more.

Enough of race tracks, no more gambling,
a photo-finish I'm not watching again,
but if a pony looks like a sure thing on Sunday,
I'll bet everything again, what can I do?

September 7, 2012

Does a Bear...

**** in the woods?

I was reminded of one of my dad's stories when I read this on a Facebook friend's wall:

Heading to lake McClellan for Boy Scout one day campout hope they can handle the bear that's gonna be growling while they are asleep LOL

My pop used to tell a story of going to the lake with a bunch of his buddies;  they drank beer all the way there (that was legal then, btw) and ate cheese crackers and hot sausages and all sorts of stuff.  They weren't far away from the lake when dad said he started suffering from "intestinal distress" because of all the beer and junk he had consumed.  As soon as they found a campsite, he jumped out of the car, grabbed some TP and headed off into the bushes.

It was a moonless night, pitch black and he stumbled his way through the brush until he figured he had gone far enough away from the campsite to be as sanitary as could be considering the rough conditions.  He hurriedly dropped his pants and crouched down, his stomach loudly rumbling, a sure sign that he had better be quick with his business.

Not to get too graphic, but pop said "it" was explosive, making a noise such as he hadn't heard in a long time. ("Like a wildcat well comin' in!" he would describe.)  No sooner than he had started, he heard a muffled female voice: "Did you hear that?" then a man's voice, "What was it?" then the female replying in fright:  "I dunno, sounded like a bear!  "Where's my pistol?" said the male voice.

Without hesitation, my pop pulled up his pants and hastily made his way through the brush and dark night back to where his pals were setting up camp under the light of a gas lantern.  Drunk and tired from their trip, dad and his friends went to sleep.

The next day, more than a little hungover, dad looked in the direction of where he had stumbled to make his emergency toilet and saw he had relieved himself right smack-dab in the middle of someone's campsite.

September 6, 2012

cacology

cacology ca·col·o·gy [ka-kol-uh-jee, kuh-]; noun

defectively produced speech; socially unacceptable diction.