Shock & Awe

The kid will probably be traumatized when someone does "Got your nose!".

Senseless Platypus

A platypus will close its eyes, ears and nose while hunting for food.

A human male does the same thing while changing a dirty diaper.

Bad Lip Reading - NFL

Love these vids - several Dallas Cowboys featured in this one.

Mama Weer All Crazy Now - Slade

I've won a lot of bets with people who thought Quiet Riot first came out with this song.

Lightning vs The Sun

Lightning is five times hotter than the sun.

Yes, it's true.  A bolt of lightning can reach temperatures of roughly 30,000 kelvins (53,540 degrees Fahrenheit), while the surface of the sun is 6,000 kelvins (10,340 degrees Fahrenheit).

B & M

You can't say B or M without both of your lips touching.

That might explain why ventriloquists don't do a lot of bathroom humor.

Most Beautiful Eyes in the World

NOTE: Noticed the video had been taken down, so I found another one. Not sure if it's the same one uploaded by someone else, but it's similar...I think. I'm not sure because the original post was from nearly five years ago, 3/13/10.  I'm "bumping" this because of a similar recent post:  The Eyeball Test.

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I love women's eyes; they're almost always the female asset that first catches my eye.

(Unless they're not looking, then I glance at their legs.)

While I went back to school a few years ago, I had a job in a liquor store. During slow times there wasn't much to do (actually, if I didn't feel like doing anything, there was ALWAYS something to do, but I drew the line at doing it all) I worked the evening shift and since my boss liked to hire young, single women and didn't much care about any other qualifications, I generally had to relieve people I wasn't fond of working with.

If I grew tired of watching TV during the lulls, I would do most anything to entertain myself. I was reading a woman's magazine and noticed the advert model's beautiful eyes. I remembered a poster I had seen of nothing but eyes, so I thought I'd make something similar, cutting out the parts of the magazines and gluing them onto some stiff white paper.

I got magazines from my mom, some from the laundry and got regular donations from the beauty shop next door. I took my work-in-progress home with me so it wouldn't accidentally get thrown away.(or discarded on purpose, knowing these sorry co-workers I was around) One afternoon when I got there, the girl jumped on me, asking why I was cutting up the magazines before she had a chance to read them. I told her they were mine to do with as I wished. She was taken aback; I'd never been so "rude" to her before.

She then demanded to know what I was snipping out of the magazines. Not bothering to take the time to explain what I was doing, I told her in my best Jack Nicholson "Shining" voice:

"I'm cutting the eyes out of the women's faces."

The look on her face was priceless; pure horror and disgust, as if I'd jumped up on the table and peed in the wedding punch.

She left right away, thank goodness. She quit a couple of weeks later, and that was even better.