14 Punctuation Marks

There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses...which are my personal favorite.

I Don't Think Nuts

Are well-adjusted. Otherwise, we wouldn't be nuts, huh?

You Are Well-Adjusted

You are easygoing and take this world in stride. You can ride the ups and downs with ease. You are calm and level-headed. You are the one that people turn to in a crisis, and you're a good person to have on any team. You rarely have to deliberate when a decision needs to be made. You are very intuitive and know just what to do. You are naturally family oriented, and you do your best to make your loved ones happy and comfortable. Giving comes naturally to you.

What Does Your Favorite Nut Say About You?

Those are cashew nuts, btw, just in case you didn't know.  Not sure why the quiz results didn't mention what kind they were.  The quiz consists of a single question, namely what nuts are your favorite.

Cashews really ARE my favorite nut, although I do like most others, too.

"What kind of nut is your favorite, Mike?"

"Cashew."

"Gesundheit!"

Cheap Trick

This was in my spam folder earlier:

I've seen thousands of other ones just like it - as I'm sure most of you reading this have, as well.  Still, it got me to wondering;  can there really be a trick to...well, "do the trick"?

I don't know many tricks;  oh, I know a few simple card tricks, but I doubt they'd be enough to get a woman romantically interested in me.  I can juggle - just three items, but that's probably more of a skill than a trick.  I can spell "Mississippi", but that's more of an exercise in spelling than a real trick.  Wait a minute, I can wiggle my ears - a "talent", I suppose, but it COULD be classified as a trick. 

You reckon I could get a woman to sleep with me if I wiggled my ears while juggling and spelling "Mississippi"?

Probably not. -sigh-

This would normally call for a related video, but a search of this blog shows I posted it not too long ago:

I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick

3 Words

I was just about to click the link to delete all the junk in my spam folder earlier and saw this:

I know the subject line is intended to get poor, lonely and ugly slobs (like me) to open the mail and click on the links to find out the secret, the 3 words that will convince a woman to sleep with them, but even though I AM poor, lonely and an ugly slob, I'm not that stupid.

At least not most of the time.

Still, it got me to wondering;  are there really "3 words" to get her into the mood?  I sat here and thought about it, wondering how I could turn this into something funny.  Could the three words be:

"Yes, I'm rich." or
"That's my Ferrari." or
"Have another drink."

Since I've never had a lot of money or didn't care to pick up women at bars or parties, those never were options for me.  Not that I'm any sort of expert, but I think there are other 3-words that are better to use in certain situations, such as:

"Hold my hand." or
"You look lovely." or the ultimate 3 words:
"I love you."

Of course, all those 3-words are to be used for women I care about and that's the first requirement - caring about them- before I want them to want me.

End of story.

The Fidget Diet

People who fidget burn an extra 350 calories a day.  This could work off 10 to 30 pounds a year.

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Me?  I've never been one to fidget much.  Sometimes when I'm sitting in one place for very long, they'll be buzzards circling overhead.

Bling Bugs

If you wear a ring, the number of germs living beneath it could be as high as the population of Europe.

I guess that number of germs includes those nasty French and as high as the Dutch.

Senseless Platypus

A platypus will close its eyes, ears and nose while hunting for food.

A human male does the same thing while changing a dirty diaper.

B & M

You can't say B or M without both of your lips touching.

That might explain why ventriloquists don't do a lot of bathroom humor.

Finally

Got my Christmas decorations up.

alphitomancy

alphitomancy \ al-FIT-uh-man-see \ noun

1. the use of barley meal as a means of divination.

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As opposed to alphabitsomancy, the use of children's breakfast cereal as a means of divination.

Herd of Giraffes

A herd of giraffes is called a tower.

"Herd of giraffes?"
"Why sure, I've herd of giraffes!"

sinistral

sinistral \ SIN-uh-struhl \ , adjective

1. left-handed.
2. of, pertaining to, or on the left side; left (opposed to dextral).
3. (of certain gastropod shells) coiling counterclockwise, as seen from the apex.

Origin: Sinistral is related to the word sinister and meant "unlucky" when it entered English in the 1400s. It was extended to mean "on the left side" in the early 1800s.

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After Obama was first elected President in 2008, a slew of articles popped up on the 'net saying his being left-handed was more proof that he is the Antichrist.  Now, I don't care for his policies, but I'm fairly sure he's not the Antichrist, but who knows?   For that matter, Tim Tebow is also left-handed.

My childhood friend and classmate Janice is left-handed, but she couldn't be the Antichrist either, as she was and still is a devout Christian...although I always thought she was a little bit evil for not letting me copy off her during tests.  To be fair, it wasn't just that she wouldn't let me, but she sat to my right and her writing hand was curled around her test paper and blocking me from seeing her answers.

Wiki says 10% of people are left-handed and that they are generally more successful, talented and make more money than righties.   There have been many great left-handed athletes. (not that Tim Tebow can be included in that group)

So, being left-handed doesn't mean that President Obama is the Antichrist, just that he needs special clubs for all the golf he plays. 

You know, maybe God is left-handed, if only out of necessity.  After all, the Bible says that Jesus sits on His right hand.

.

foremost

foremost [fawr-mohst, -muh st, fohr-]

adjective, adverb
1. first in place, order, rank, etc.

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Not a new word to me but I always thought it odd that the phrase "first and foremost" is often used.  It just seems redundant...and I'm not the only one who thinks so: Common Redundancies (F-O). No, I'm not the only one. (see what I did there? did ya?)

I do know this blog isn't foremost in any category, not even for Cast Away Crossroads.

(but, like Avis, we're #2!.  Some people think this blog is #2 -ahem-)

troth

troth [trawth, trohth] noun

1. faithfulness, fidelity, or loyalty: by my troth.
2. truth or verity: in troth.
3. one's word or promise, especially in engaging oneself to marry.

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Or it could be thumthing a horth drinkth out of.

My Bucket List

You Should Write a Book

You may not feel like you could write a book, but you actually have a lot to say. Just let it flow! You already live in your own little world. You may as well introduce everyone else to it. It's likely that you feel like you have a lot of baggage you'd like to unload, and writing can be cathartic. By writing a book, you would feel a huge sense of accomplishment. And you'd have a legacy to leave behind.

What Should Be On Your Bucket List?

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I used to have a lot of things on my bucket list (even before it was known as a "bucket list".) The funny thing is the closer I get to kicking the bucket, the smaller the list gets...even though I've yet to mark a single thing off it. IOW, I'm culling the unreasonably attained things off the list.

For example, I used to want to ride a bull.  I probably wouldn't have ridden it for eight seconds, but I used to think I'd want to at least try.  That's probably not...no, strike that...that's definitely not a good idea now at my age. 

Other things, such as skydiving, are still possible, but maybe not a good idea.  I still think I have the nerve, but not so sure my old bones could handle a hard landing.  I definitely wouldn't want to do it strapped to a certified skydiver, that always struck me as something less than actually skydiving.  No, it's solo or not at all. 

There are places I want to see before I die, such as the beaches on Normandy where the D-Day landings took place.   There are several countries I'd like to visit, but there are places I want to see here in the good ol' U.S. more than I would them.

I'd really would like to write a book, but the trouble with that is most of my ideas I have for writing a book came from books I have read.

I'd still like to seduce a nun, though.

crinose

crinose \ KRAHY-nohs, KRIN-ohs \ adjective

1. hairy

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I wasn't familiar with this word and don't think it will ever be in my vocabulary. If I didn't just simply say "hairy", I'd use hirsute.

I oughta start a website devoted to fat, hairy women and call it "Heavy Hirsute Honeys" - that way I could appeal to a specialized fetish.  Maybe I could expand it while narrowing the niche and add feet, pantyhose and dwarfs.

Barely Passed

Elvis Presley got a 'C' in his 8th grade music class.

 

And, from reports, he was trying to pass when he died.

plash

plash [plash] noun

1. a gentle splash.
2. a pool or puddle. verb (used with object),
3. to splash gently. verb (used without object)

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Never heard nor seen this word before. So, taking off the first letter of a word makes it "gentle"?

If that's the case, I guess silently breaking wind would be "art", huh?

fusty

fusty fus·ty [fuhs-tee] adjective, fus·ti·er, fus·ti·est.

1. having a stale smell; moldy; musty: fusty rooms that were in need of a good airing.

2. old-fashioned or out-of-date, as architecture, furnishings, or the like: They still live in that fusty, gingerbread house.

3. stubbornly conservative or old-fashioned; fogyish.

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I'd rather be fusty than lasty.

Women in the News

Was checking my Bing search page and clicking on links ( not just to read the news, but also to get points, which I redeem for Amazon gift certificates - which *some* might think a waste of time and not worth it, but in the last couple of months I've got discounts on my Amazon purchases to the tune of $25) and was reading various articles about different women in the news.

The first article was "DWTS host let go"  The host was a woman by the name of Brooke Burke-Charvet and to be honest, I've never heard of her...but that's because I don't watch Dancing With the Stars. She's a pretty young woman, but not only am I not a fan of DWTS, I'm not a fan of hyphenated names. Before my ex and I married, she said said she wanted to keep her maiden name and hyphenate it with mine. I told her I'd rather she keep her maiden name rather than alter mine. I didn't insist she take my last name; I just didn't want hers tacked onto mine. I'm not only not a fan of hyphenated last names, I'm not a fan of hyphenated labels, particularly those like "African-American" and the like.  We're Americans, plain and simple.  If people insist I refer to them that way, then I'm a "Super-Duper-Wonderful-Great-American".  You HAVE to call me that or I'll get all offended and butt-hurt. ("Butt-hurt" should be hyphenated, though.)

I then read about Maria von Trapp, the last surviving member of the family that was the basis of "The Sound of Music". She was 99, so it was hard for me to feel overly sad at her passing. (most people would love to live that long) I'm also not a fan of musicals, so I wasn't a fan of that one.

Next was an article about Katy Perry getting booed at a Milan Week fashion show because she was late to the event. I used to be enamored with Ms. Perry, then she married Russell Brand...which made me question her good sense. She then spoke out on politics, which verified she has no sense at all. I used to think she was pretty, but after looking at recent photographs, I've come to the conclusion that her looks have peaked and it's all downhill for her from here on out. (because I don't think she'll get by on her "talent")

Wanting a change of pace, I read an article about Jennifer Lawrence's new Dior ad campaign. The photos made her look glamorous, but not as pretty as she's been in other ones...and I think she's very pretty in the photos I've seen of her without makeup. She'll be a lovely woman when she's 60 yrs. old, I bet. I haven't seen any of the movies she's done, but have seen her interviewed several times and she seems to be a down-to-earth person with a good sense of humor and not too full of herself, a lovely person both outside and in. I hope her success won't spoil her.

After that, I clicked on an article about Miley Cryus kissing Perry at one of Cyrus's recent concerts. Yuck. I don't know why, but I clicked on another link leading to a video about fans outside the concert and one woman with her daughter in tow was saying Cyrus was a good role model. Good grief.

Sick of that crapola, I read an article about Ronda Rousey and her first round KO of Sara McMann in last night's bout. I found a place to watch it online and was certainly glad I didn't pay to watch 66 seconds of two women fighting. What I WOULD pay for, however, is to see that woman - who thinks Miley Cryus is a positive role model - get into the ring with Rousey. Maybe Rousey could knock some sense into her head. Heck, put Cyrus in there too, along with Katy Perry. Three against one, that *might* be a fair fight. I'd love to see Rousey knee Cyrus in the liver like she did McMann.  Ouch.  Actually, I'd love to see Rousey knock Cyrus out.  The only trouble would be if Cryus started having a seizure from a severe blow to the head; the referee might think she was just twerking.

I know one thing, I wouldn't get into the ring with Rousey;  I doubt I'd last a minute.  I'm not sure I'd last 60 seconds with her in other places, either.