World's Biggest Wind Farm Coming to Texas Panhandle

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Too bad he also wants to ship all of our water downstate and rob land owners while doing so.

A Royal Ass Whippin'

Yup, that's what I'd have got every day growing up here in Texas if I'd have been named this .

Your Noble British Name Is:

Sir Patrick Sebastian Teakle

What's Your Noble British Name?

I used to have a really good online friend from Great Britain; she once told me she was going to ask for more money from her employers because she hadn't had a raise in the seven years she'd worked as a janitor (that's what she did, more-or-less) in a school's art dept.

A few days later she told me she hadn't received any more money, but they had re-named her job duties: from now on, she was an "Art Technician, Class III". She seemed satisfied with that, so I suppose there's something to that old saw about British people, God Bless 'Em, preferring a title to a raise.

Call ME what you want, just "show me the money".

I Just Want to Thank You

(from the email archives)

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I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day...

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Gay Irish Dwarfs

(Or how I learned to quit worrying and not trust online translators)

I've had the Gay Irish Dwarfs Blogger site bookmarked for quite some time, but rarely visited it after discovering it via the "Next Blog" button at the top of the page. It caught my eye because of the "odd" title -which I find amusing- and I wonder if he ever has heard of this MSN Group? His title is a LOT less ambiguous, I'll give 'im that.

Most of the post titles are in English, but I wasn't for sure what language the rest was in and hadn't had the time nor inclination to find out. Speeding through my favorite blogs this morning, I clicked on the blog and a new post caught my eye: Lazy Days

Boston Marathon var passe koselig. Mye folk som gauket i gatene. Mer interessant er det alltid å ta turen innom en bokhandel. Følgende bøker ble med hjem: To Kill a Mockingbird av Harper Lee, Cat's Cradle av Kurt Vonnegut, The Dangerous Summer og The Sun Also Rises av Hemingway. Leste akkurat siste sidene av The Moor's Last Sigh av Rushdie. Bra bok, spesielt liker jeg dragningen mot Andalusia, noe jeg selv føler på kroppen.

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It's easy enough to see that most of that paragraph is about books and a mention of the recent Boston Marathon. (duh) The rest piqued my interest, so I attempted, through trial-and-error, to figure out what language was being used. (which would tax my feeble mind, esp. as I have trouble understanding E. Texas accents)

Since the title has "Irish" in it, I first thought I would need a Gaelic translation, but a quick search didn't turn up an online translator and instead I'd have to submit the text to forums.

Uh, no thanks. (I could do without the potential humiliation)

It seemed more "Dutch" to me, or even German, but it didn't translate well, but the fact that a few words WERE translated made me think it might be Scandinavian. I tried Icelandic, Swedish, then got a fair translation with Norwegian.

Bingo! I think. The problem lies in having to translate the translated text. Here's the translation.

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Boston Marathon stayed be convenient cosily. A great many people as gauket in avenue. Additional interesting is it always to get the boom innom a bookshop

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Here's what I think it means:

It's expensive to stay in Boston. Lots of people watching in the street. It starts falling apart there: It's also interesting to get the "boom in a bookshop"???

Uh oh. Not for sure I even WANT that last part translated.

The last bit in the paragraph translates thusly:

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Read accurate lastly pages at In spite of the fact that Moor's Blame Sigh at Rush hour. A good one book , especially likes I the allurement against Andalusia , any I herself senses at body.

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O-kay. Another book review, one that the Muslims would chop his head off over and get extra virgins allotted to them in Paradise because he's also gay. I think he's identifying with a female character in the book. I dunno, like I said, I'm not good at this.

Here's more:

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Har stort sett brukt dagen på å lese, sittende i solen. Høydepunktet var de to brasilianske vaskejentene som tryllet leiligheten skinnende ren. De la endatil sammen mine skitne klær. Noe som på en måte forplikter meg til å bruke de litt mer. Så veldig skitne er de heller ikke.

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The online translation:

Has large sett cast-off day at to peruse , in office in sun. Climax were they dates back to Brazilian vaskejentene as conjure the occasion bright clean-cut. They allow continueous comparison mine dirty clothes. Looked like in a way am committing at to consumes they a little more than. Saw awfully dirty are they nor.

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My translation:

Oh boy. Had a day off, or goofed off at the office getting some sun. The end (I hope that means the end...or maybe I don't) dates back to some Brazilian something and the memory is fresh and pure. Someone's always criticizing the way he dresses. Someone gave him a dirty look because they thought him fat but they're dirtier than he is. So there.

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I can't dwell on this sort of thing, it'll drive me nuts. Especially this:

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Har spist to burritoer i dag. Føler meg skitten, som om jeg har brutt uskrevne lover og etikette. Men godt var det.

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When it translates to this:

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Has eaten dates back to burritoer today. Senses my dirt , as if I've broken uskrevne laws and label. But be comfortable stayed facts

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Whatever it means, I'm glad he's tellin' the truth. Wonder if "burritoer" is a "burrito" and if he's talking about eating them for days or not having one until today after only eating dates? Maybe he had a burrito on a date? I wonder what he means by "senses my dirt" and what sort of laws he thinks someone else might think he's broken?

So Alive - Love & Rockets

Breakfast of Champions

Mental Floss has a new petition they want to submit to General Mills, makers of that American icon, Wheaties cereal.

The website claims there are 10 Sports Heroes You Won’t Find on a Wheaties Box. Among the names are a few familiar ones: Willie Mosconi, Paul Newman's billiards coach in The Hustler, Phil Hill of Formula One Racing fame and John Harkes from soccer. The others include an American sumo wrestler, polo stars (regular and elephant) and for some reason, an American-born bull fighter.

I dunno why someone can't simply spring for $34.95 and get their own personalized Wheaties cereal box ?



Wheaties used to be among my favorite cold cereals, along with Total and Post Toasties. (notice a trend? A flake liking flakes) Even as "healthy" as those cereals are, they contain far too much sugar and carbs for me these days.

I remember the last "hero" Wheaties box I bought and saved for the longest time.

I had a crush on Mary Lou.

Tell ya who I'd really like to see on a Wheaties box: A sumo wrestler playing elephant polo with bull fighters being whacked into the goal.

With cue sticks.