From the email archives:
In 2009 the government will start killing all the crazy people.
I started crying when I thought of you.
Run little friend, run!
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and
your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
and a little voice will tell You which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, HANG UP!
It doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
or before the beep or after the beep.
BUT PLEASE WAIT FOR THE BEEP.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, PLEASE HANG UP.
OUR OPERATORS ARE TOO BUSY TO TALK WITH YOU.
If you are MENOPAUSAL, PUT THE GUN DOWN,
HANG UP, TURN ON THE FAN, LIE DOWN AND CRY.
YOU WON'T BE CRAZY FOREVER.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons.
You'll just mess it up.
This coming week is NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CARE week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least
one unstable person to show you care.
(Well, my job is done. Your turn!!)
2 comments:
ROFL ,That gave me a good laugh ,its nice to have a quick skive on the net in the middle of my afternoon workload, and yes I pur the gun down and turned on the fan ! and sent this on to a few others
funny post ,thanks for the fun
I like posting these emails I get, bht "best of" at least.
My sixth grade teacher told me I had multiple personalities. He said at times I was his very best student and other times nearly the worst.
What I think happens in so many cases like that is that the boy or girl is going through puberty, and perhaps in my case I wasn't mature enough to handle the emotional changes.
There's also peer pressure and at that time, I was probably doing the best amongst my boy classmates (all six of 'em) and I didn't want to distance myself too far ahead. It's always the animals at the fringe of the herd that get picked off, y'know? lol
No matter the case, I always was an underachiever. -grin-
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