I'm feeling lazy again. What's new? Last published 7/13/12
Bump from a couple of years ago.
No need to waste a perfectly "good" post.
Years ago in a galaxy far, far away....
I hadn't been up very long, so I was sitting there picking at my "supper" my new bride had prepared for me. When you work the night shift (morning tour) on drilling rigs, your day gets turned around and eating spaghetti for "breakfast" is the norm, but still hard to get used to.
Her cooking took even more getting used to.
My wife (now ex) was reading the paper while I sat there watching the clock on the wall tick off the minutes before my ride came to pick me up. All of a sudden, she exclaimed
"Oh gosh, your horoscope!"
"What about it?" I asked without much interest, never having been enthused about that sort of thing. (it always struck me as funny that 100 million Chinese folks were gonna have the exact same sort of day that I was)
"Listen to this!" she went on. "It says 'Beware of working around dangerous machinery' !!!"
I sat there, not saying a thing. I was new to this married business and had made several bad mistakes already, one being that there's no good answers to questions such as "Does this make me look fat?"
("Sort of" isn't one of those good answers, lemme tell ya.)
"And it's Friday the 13th, too!" she exclaimed in fright.
I'm seldom in a good mood after waking up, but not so much after having such a heavy breakfast at nine o'clock at night and definitely not after trying to sleep during the day in a neighborhood full of kids.
What the heck, I thought. I'll torture her a little bit, just like she did me earlier in the afternoon while running the vacuum.
"Y'know, my rig's number is 13." I informed her.
She sat there, looking at me in horror. I went on.
"We're drilling to 13,000 feet, we're 13 miles out on the river road, there's 13 cattle guards between the highway and the rig."
Her mouth was gaped open, her worst fears realized.
"There's also 13 guys on the rig, come to think of it, four guys per crew plus the tool pusher."
For good measure, I went on, "Know what well we're drilling? It's the Flowers #13!" I tried to think of other 13's just to freak her out some more, but that was it.
She sat there for a minute and declared "Well, you'll just have to twist off tonight." using the oil field term for not showing up for work. She was catching on to being a roughneck's wife, for sure.
"I'd better not do that." I told her. "We need the money. " The subject of money was good for getting her to shut up or to talk, whichever one it was I needed her to do at that particular moment. I WAS catching on to this married stuff, I thought.
At the same time, my boss showed up, announcing his arrival with a blast of his car horn. As I started out the door I stopped and said:
"One good thing..." I went on. "If I get killed, you'll probably get a check for $13,000 bucks from the insurance company, I think that's the death benefit."
That wasn't the right thing to say. Maybe I DIDN'T know much about married life. She started to cry. Another impatient honk came from the idling car outside; I glanced at the clock and saw he was late in picking me up. Another minute won't hurt, I thought, and turned to her and with a hug and a quick smooch on the cheek I asked her:
"That's TODAY'S horoscope, right?" She sniffed and nodded her head.
"Think about it..." I said. "Today is nearly over,so my shift will be on the 14th!"
"I've slept THROUGH Friday the 13th!" I assured her.
Immediate relief showed in her eyes, but once again I showed I was a novice at marriage. With an evil grin on my face I said:
"You'll still get the money if I get killed, though."
I DID have some bad luck that day, that Friday the 13th.
It's always bad luck to get hit in the head by a flying lunchbox.
Bump from a couple of years ago.
No need to waste a perfectly "good" post.
Years ago in a galaxy far, far away....
I hadn't been up very long, so I was sitting there picking at my "supper" my new bride had prepared for me. When you work the night shift (morning tour) on drilling rigs, your day gets turned around and eating spaghetti for "breakfast" is the norm, but still hard to get used to.
Her cooking took even more getting used to.
My wife (now ex) was reading the paper while I sat there watching the clock on the wall tick off the minutes before my ride came to pick me up. All of a sudden, she exclaimed
"Oh gosh, your horoscope!"
"What about it?" I asked without much interest, never having been enthused about that sort of thing. (it always struck me as funny that 100 million Chinese folks were gonna have the exact same sort of day that I was)
"Listen to this!" she went on. "It says 'Beware of working around dangerous machinery' !!!"
I sat there, not saying a thing. I was new to this married business and had made several bad mistakes already, one being that there's no good answers to questions such as "Does this make me look fat?"
("Sort of" isn't one of those good answers, lemme tell ya.)
"And it's Friday the 13th, too!" she exclaimed in fright.
I'm seldom in a good mood after waking up, but not so much after having such a heavy breakfast at nine o'clock at night and definitely not after trying to sleep during the day in a neighborhood full of kids.
What the heck, I thought. I'll torture her a little bit, just like she did me earlier in the afternoon while running the vacuum.
"Y'know, my rig's number is 13." I informed her.
She sat there, looking at me in horror. I went on.
"We're drilling to 13,000 feet, we're 13 miles out on the river road, there's 13 cattle guards between the highway and the rig."
Her mouth was gaped open, her worst fears realized.
"There's also 13 guys on the rig, come to think of it, four guys per crew plus the tool pusher."
For good measure, I went on, "Know what well we're drilling? It's the Flowers #13!" I tried to think of other 13's just to freak her out some more, but that was it.
She sat there for a minute and declared "Well, you'll just have to twist off tonight." using the oil field term for not showing up for work. She was catching on to being a roughneck's wife, for sure.
"I'd better not do that." I told her. "We need the money. " The subject of money was good for getting her to shut up or to talk, whichever one it was I needed her to do at that particular moment. I WAS catching on to this married stuff, I thought.
At the same time, my boss showed up, announcing his arrival with a blast of his car horn. As I started out the door I stopped and said:
"One good thing..." I went on. "If I get killed, you'll probably get a check for $13,000 bucks from the insurance company, I think that's the death benefit."
That wasn't the right thing to say. Maybe I DIDN'T know much about married life. She started to cry. Another impatient honk came from the idling car outside; I glanced at the clock and saw he was late in picking me up. Another minute won't hurt, I thought, and turned to her and with a hug and a quick smooch on the cheek I asked her:
"That's TODAY'S horoscope, right?" She sniffed and nodded her head.
"Think about it..." I said. "Today is nearly over,so my shift will be on the 14th!"
"I've slept THROUGH Friday the 13th!" I assured her.
Immediate relief showed in her eyes, but once again I showed I was a novice at marriage. With an evil grin on my face I said:
"You'll still get the money if I get killed, though."
I DID have some bad luck that day, that Friday the 13th.
It's always bad luck to get hit in the head by a flying lunchbox.
6 comments:
No paraskevidekatriaphobia for me!
I hope not cause we have another one next month, too!
Well, ?
Did you get killed that night?
I used to tell this story and leave it hangin' and almost always someone would say "Did anything happen?" and I'd tell 'em I got killed.
Almost got killed several times, though.
Thanks for posting, both of you!
A certain Dr. Donald Dossey, whose specialty is treating people with irrational fears, claims that when you can pronounce the word paraskevidekatriaphobia you are cured of the irrational fear, well I wonder how your EX wife was pronouncing it that morning ,and what a shame if you're speaking with some sort of lisp or speech predicament ! not that I believe all this superstition anyhow ,just thought I would spend some time at the pc this Friday the 13th researching the subject to limit my chances of accidents outdoors, but then maybe our house will get hit by an aeroplane or a hurricane or some type of flying object that may have been thrown by one of my redneck neighbours ; )
In my last country of residence which was Cyprus the locals there believed it was Tuesday 13th that was a day to try and take precautions against the possible catastrophies that could occur ,
wonder what other parts of the world differ in this particular superstition ? will continue surfing and searching for another 13 minutes just for fun ( :
Sorry to have missed your post, Alison. I don't get enough posts to claim I was overwhelmed by them, so I guess I just plumb forgot it, sorry.
Thanks for posting, though!
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