Sleep Talkin' Man

This blog is usually several beats behind the latest internet meme or viral sensation, but we'll have to give ourselves props for being in on the very first postings of Sleep Talkin' Man.

The best description of the site comes from the blog owner:

"My mild mannered English husband Adam lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams. Having benefited from hours of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I thought it only fair to share them with the world."

She also adds this warning:

Some of the content on this page is not suitable for young eyes. Parents, shield your children!

The views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the attitudes/opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians. But he does hate lentils.

I would second the warning and admonish anyone who is offended by crude language to NOT CLICK the link! You've been warned, not once, but twice and will have no one else but yourself to blame if you get your panties in a wad over the site's postings.

My first thought was "This is fake." I'm still not convinced, but you can watch a video of the couple and make up your own mind.

Some of the funnier (G-rated) sleep talk:

"You can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"Your mum's at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep."

"Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

"I'm all blue with gravy spots. And I'm proud of it."

"Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."

"I demand compensation in cola bottles. Lots of fizzy cola bottles. In one lump sum."

"Don't eat the jelly! Don't eat the jelly! I made it with frog wee. It'll turn your teeth green... Like mini apples."

And, one of the best of the lot:

"No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."

I've been known to talk in my sleep and my ex used to say she wanted to record my own sleep talking. She told me I sometimes talked in a string of curse words and that, the best she could tell, was that I was cursing out people I worked with or worked for me. My dad also woke me up from a holiday nap on my folk's living room floor, saying I was cussin' like a sailor and that I also had my hands in my pants. -ahem-

Other than that last bit, I doubt any of my nocturnal mumblings would be as hilarious as those of

Sleep Talkin' Man

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EDIT: I meant to point out the audio recordings available on the site. They're also selling t-shirts with some of the funnier quotes.