Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
February 27, 2016
February 22, 2016
Family?
One of these doesn't fit with the others.
Synopsis: A world traveling ghost hunter mysteriously disappears leaving everything to his niece; who accidentally releases a horde of angry spirits, imprisoned in liquor bottles, during her Fourth of July party
Distiller on IMDb.
Not my cuppa, but you might like it. Not sure it's family fare, though.
It's got booze in it, after all.
Synopsis: A world traveling ghost hunter mysteriously disappears leaving everything to his niece; who accidentally releases a horde of angry spirits, imprisoned in liquor bottles, during her Fourth of July party
Distiller on IMDb.
Not my cuppa, but you might like it. Not sure it's family fare, though.
It's got booze in it, after all.
February 17, 2016
February 13, 2016
Fwench Toast
Going through my Facebook pages feed, I noticed this on the Relish Magazine wall:
(click graphic for larger view)
Any mention of French toast always reminds me of a story told to me by a friend; he had met the friend of a woman I was dating at her house and because my date and I wanted some privacy, went home with her. (great friend!) The babysitter was there and the woman paid the young girl who was doing the sitting and after she was gone, went in to look in on her daughter asleep in her bedroom. After a few minutes, the woman came out and sat beside my friend who was waiting on the couch. One thing lead to another and...well, you get the drift, I hope.
My friend said he woke up the next morning to find the little girl standing by his side of the bed, silently staring at him, her hair mussed by sleep, a thumb stuck in her mouth and a grubby little blanket held in her other arm. They looked at each other for a while, then my friend asked: "What do you want?"
The little girl took her thumb out of her mouth and answered:
"Fwench toast."
(click graphic for larger view)
Any mention of French toast always reminds me of a story told to me by a friend; he had met the friend of a woman I was dating at her house and because my date and I wanted some privacy, went home with her. (great friend!) The babysitter was there and the woman paid the young girl who was doing the sitting and after she was gone, went in to look in on her daughter asleep in her bedroom. After a few minutes, the woman came out and sat beside my friend who was waiting on the couch. One thing lead to another and...well, you get the drift, I hope.
My friend said he woke up the next morning to find the little girl standing by his side of the bed, silently staring at him, her hair mussed by sleep, a thumb stuck in her mouth and a grubby little blanket held in her other arm. They looked at each other for a while, then my friend asked: "What do you want?"
The little girl took her thumb out of her mouth and answered:
"Fwench toast."
February 12, 2016
February 9, 2016
February 2, 2016
How Many Days?
How many days does Bill Murray spend stuck in Groundhog Day? (one of my favorite movies of all-time!) The movie isn't very clear, but there are hints and the rest can be, as this video shows, fairly easily deducted from scenes in the movie. I'm not for sure how accurate the final number is, but it sounds good to me!
January 20, 2016
ultracrepidarian
ultracrepidarian [uhl-truh-krep-i-dair-ee-uh n]
adjective
1. noting or pertaining to a person who criticizes, judges, or gives advice outside the area of his or her expertise
noun
2. an ultracrepidarian person.
I saw this word in my reader feed earlier and thought it might be a good one to add to my vocabulary and especially to use in online arguments. What I really like about these esoteric words is that it shuts the other person up until they can go find out what it means.
Not but a few minutes after I read it, I went to a lottery forum I participate in and caught up on a thread I had been following about the recent Tennessee Powerball winners who gave a press conference even before they claimed their share of the jackpot. The arguments were getting heated when one guy said no one had the right to criticize them since he was sure no one giving their opinions had ever won. That led to a spate of replies with one person saying "one doesn't have to be a doctor to know they have a belly ache."
Thinking about the lottery reminded me I needed to go get a ticket for tonight's Texas Lotto. I stopped at the dollar store on the way home and started to go down an aisle but two older men were talking and blocking my way. I turned around and went down the next aisle and while looking for what I wanted to buy, heard one complaining he hadn't been sleeping well and the other said "The sandman hasn't been visiting you, huh?" and at that exact point the store radio speaker just above their heads started with the distinctive opening guitar rift of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica!
I love these coincidences that seem to happen to me a lot; I'll be listening to online radio and reading something in another tab and the radio hosts will say a word I'm reading at the same time or reference a news story I'm scanning. Freaky! ("coincidence" is even a post label in this blog)
And speaking of freaky: after those earlier two coincidences, I got on Facebook to see what's been happening since I last visited and noticed a FB friend had posted a video of the Top Ten Eagles songs. #1 was "Hotel California" and I had to make a comment about it being one of the most overplayed songs ever...and after I hit "Enter" on the post, another friend's post showed up right below that one - check it out:
(click image for larger view)
January 8, 2016
December 21, 2015
December 20, 2015
Women Study
A study has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending upon where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected on this subject.
For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected on this subject.
December 19, 2015
December 15, 2015
clishmaclaver
clishmaclaver noun [klish-muh-kley-ver, kleesh-]
Scot. gossip; idle or foolish talk.
Certainly sounds like a Scottish word, but it would probably help to read it out loud in Scotty's voice.
December 12, 2015
Newspapers
archives:
The People Who Think They Run The Country And The Newspapers They READ!
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don' t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state and would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for.
There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don' t care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state and would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for.
There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
13. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.
December 5, 2015
Alliterative Insulter
I've noticed quite a few hits from a Google search for "alliterative insults", leading folks to this post made over a year ago. Looking at the search results led me to this site:
Alliterative Insulter
Every (sic) wanted to throw out an insult, but just didn't have the right words at the right time. Well, here we have insults for all occasions and all alliterative with the name of your choice. Just fill in the name of the person to be insulted and hit the "insult" button:
I decided to input my own name to see what it would come up with:
Mike, thou art a mindless, meandering mumbler!
Wow, the truth really DOES hurt.
Alliterative Insulter
Every (sic) wanted to throw out an insult, but just didn't have the right words at the right time. Well, here we have insults for all occasions and all alliterative with the name of your choice. Just fill in the name of the person to be insulted and hit the "insult" button:
I decided to input my own name to see what it would come up with:
Mike, thou art a mindless, meandering mumbler!
Wow, the truth really DOES hurt.
December 3, 2015
You're Full of Bologna, Leonia
From the junk file folder:
qwqesedavz@helpfactory.com
(note: I like to add their email address so they'll get spam in it like they've sent to mine)
Hey my friend I was looking at your email and I think that we should find out about each other. Take a look at my picture and message to me so I could give you more info
My personal email is ecafeibabrava@hotmail.com Send me reply to this email. See you
Well, Leonia, you've made it where you'll make SURE I'll see you before you see me. I'm sure if you were running a race, your chest would reach the finish line long before your feet would.
I'll give you this: you really put yourself "out there".
Yep, that'll get my attention, all right.
NOTE: The black bar across the last photo is of my making. These photos stretch the "G" rating of this blog as they are, and with the second one...well, let's just say it was a bit too "nipply".
So, you were "looking at" my email. I'm not for sure what you mean by that. I have a "mikeintexas" email acct. with Gmail, but not anywhere else; I do know that there's another couple of guys that use "mikeintexas" on the 'net. One seems to have started using it after I did, but the other one - I've since found out - has used the nickname long before I appropriated it. The first one posts to all sorts of different forums, one being bowhunting (which I dislike intensely, not because I'm against hunting- which I'm not - , but it just seems to be a rather cruel method of shooting something) and after researching who had the nickname before I started using it, found that it belongs to a gay man.
Somehow I don't think you meant to send these pics to that guy.
Plus, I don't know much about breasts, but those really don't look natural. In fact, they look like they have more plastic in them that does this.
qwqesedavz@helpfactory.com
(note: I like to add their email address so they'll get spam in it like they've sent to mine)
Hey my friend I was looking at your email and I think that we should find out about each other. Take a look at my picture and message to me so I could give you more info
My personal email is ecafeibabrava@hotmail.com Send me reply to this email. See you
Well, Leonia, you've made it where you'll make SURE I'll see you before you see me. I'm sure if you were running a race, your chest would reach the finish line long before your feet would.
I'll give you this: you really put yourself "out there".
Yep, that'll get my attention, all right.
NOTE: The black bar across the last photo is of my making. These photos stretch the "G" rating of this blog as they are, and with the second one...well, let's just say it was a bit too "nipply".
So, you were "looking at" my email. I'm not for sure what you mean by that. I have a "mikeintexas" email acct. with Gmail, but not anywhere else; I do know that there's another couple of guys that use "mikeintexas" on the 'net. One seems to have started using it after I did, but the other one - I've since found out - has used the nickname long before I appropriated it. The first one posts to all sorts of different forums, one being bowhunting (which I dislike intensely, not because I'm against hunting- which I'm not - , but it just seems to be a rather cruel method of shooting something) and after researching who had the nickname before I started using it, found that it belongs to a gay man.
Somehow I don't think you meant to send these pics to that guy.
Plus, I don't know much about breasts, but those really don't look natural. In fact, they look like they have more plastic in them that does this.
December 2, 2015
Powerful Woman's Motto
From the 
archives:
archives:Powerful Woman's Motto
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says:
" Oh hell....she's awake!! ''
November 16, 2015
New Definition of "A-List" Celebrities
I was looking through a TV/movie website earlier and saw the series Running Wild with Bear Grylls hosted by the survival "expert" Bear Grylls (I previously wrote about him, hence the "expert" in quotation marks). I watched an episode of his earlier show, Man vs. Wild, where Grylls was accompanied by Will Ferrell and while I found it mildly amusing, I wasn't impressed. I had hoped the celebrity accompanying Grylls would at least take it a bit more seriously, if for nothing other to keep up the farce that they were ever in any real danger.
This new show's description reads: Bear Grylls, British adventurer, takes A-list celebrities on wild outdoor adventures, pushing them beyond their comfort zone. There are a couple of people on this list I am not familiar with, but knew the rest. I intend to watch the episodes with Kate Hudson (so cute!) and Kate Winslet (be still my beating heart) but I am not particularly enthused about watching any of the rest...I might or I might not.
That said, it's the description I have some problems with; while some of the celebs are definitely on the "A-List", I am pretty sure some others aren't, one in particular. I've given a hint on the screenshot below.
(Click for larger view)
I don't have anything against Tom Arnold; he was really good in True Lies, but he's not someone I care to see much of in anything. He's "B-List" at best.
This new show's description reads: Bear Grylls, British adventurer, takes A-list celebrities on wild outdoor adventures, pushing them beyond their comfort zone. There are a couple of people on this list I am not familiar with, but knew the rest. I intend to watch the episodes with Kate Hudson (so cute!) and Kate Winslet (be still my beating heart) but I am not particularly enthused about watching any of the rest...I might or I might not.
That said, it's the description I have some problems with; while some of the celebs are definitely on the "A-List", I am pretty sure some others aren't, one in particular. I've given a hint on the screenshot below.
(Click for larger view)
I don't have anything against Tom Arnold; he was really good in True Lies, but he's not someone I care to see much of in anything. He's "B-List" at best.
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