Hyena Ha-Ha

An old man took his grandson to the zoo, but was so deaf he had to keep asking the boy what the tour guide was saying.

When they got to the hyena cage, the guide said: "This is the hyena, sometimes called the 'laughing hyena' because of its bark which sounds like laughter. This animal has a very efficient digestive system, eating at least fifty pounds of meat a week and yet evacuates only once a month."

The old man turned to his grandson "Huh? Huh? What did he say?"

The boy patiently repeated the guide's comment.

"That's stupid." the old man snorted. "If that SOB eats fifty pounds of meat a week but only craps once a month, I dunno what the hell it's laughin' about!"

DEBUT: Daily Definite Difference

Definite Difference # 000000000000001

Do you know the difference between a Texas Tall Tale and a fairy tale?

A fairy tale begins with:

"Once upon a time...."

A Texas Tall Tale takes this tactful tack thusly:

"Now, this ain't no crapola...."

Fairly Family Friendly

"We" want to be FFF, so this is why we're announcing our CCCC, the official ToTG

Crude Comment Control Credo

This will be a preliminary proper posting procedure, so keep this page in your preferences, please and check back frequently for further fundamentals.

"We" have decided that none of the usual, vulgar expressions will be tolerated. Bathroom humor (or "humour" if you are British or Canadian or Australian or New Zealandish) WILL be allowed, but without any curse words.

You Monty Python fans will have to get your favorite/favourite filthy fart fix from elsewhere, I'm afraid.

(ooops...I said "fart". Never again, I promise with my fearless, frivilous frequent fervor/fervour, my friend)

"Crapola" is an accepted adjective and/or adverb and can thusly be used in this context:

"His cranium contains crapola." ... which of course would substitute for "SFB".

I'm tired of being called that. Talk about labels. I'm going to usurp that unusually ugly ubiquity.

Hi, Noon!

We have a weekly test of our emergency broadcast system as well as a simultaneous announcement on the loudspeakers around town. It's at Saturday noon, just listened to it a few minutes ago, in fact. The loudspeakers are easily heard, they are strategically placed all over town and also double as sirens in case of disasters such as tornadoes. I forget which signals are which but I betcha I could figger it out quick enough if sumpthin' was happenin'.

My nephew "Garf" has been up here when the things have gone off. He has commented that it smacks of "Big Brother". Clever young man, great observation and analogy, he takes after his uncle. One of his other ones, not me. Standing outside, the audio effect is almost surreal as more than one loudspeaker can be heard but they're not quite "synched" and it's almost like a reverb on an electric guitar or an echo at the Grand Canyon.

(or the echo I hear when I visit the dentist and he ubiquitously says:
"That's the biggest cavity I've ever SEEN SEEN seen seen seen seen seen!" )

The cable TV interruption is annoying, especially when it breaks into a good movie. (or during Antiques Roadshow when they're fixin' to tell something they brought in a POS) We get an annoying, squealing alarm that starts off the announcement, then the dispatcher down at the police dept. breaks in in real time and informs us this is indeed, a test, if this was a real test, yada, yada, yada. I'm always hopin' for a few bars of "Saturday, in the park...I think it was the 4th of July."

BTW, it's generally always been a female dispatcher, at least it's a feminine-sounding voice.... A woman's voice is supposed to be more calming than a man's, but I suppose that's discounting some hysterical woman screaming in your ear.

It's only happened once that I recall, but I remember some severe weather happening one Saturday just before noon and watching frequent interruptions of the regular broadcast with weather warnings. Just as they broke in and announced the sighting of a tornado in this county, "they" went ahead with the regularly scheduled test of the emergency system.

My panic attack was less than many others, I heard. At least I got that goin' for me.

Oh yeah, and one more annoying thing, I can think of others, but they also repeat the broadcast over the loudspeakers in Spanish. I guess that's for "them" that's more of a doofus than me.

Maybe beyond YOURS...

Just noticed this when linking to the Texas Monthly website; it's part of their top header graphic.



Beyond MY expectations? Let's survey: just what have I come to expect from Mexico? Discounting a flood of illegal aliens, err... "undocumented Americans", I've come to expect corruption at the highest levels of govt. to the lowest, a "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" attitude towards mutual co-operation concerning our border and dirt weed that probably isn't worth smoking, much less smuggling.

(EDIT: Come to think of it after reading what I wrote, that could describe this govt. in two of the three)

Oh yeah, and a good source of illegal and ozone-destroying Freon for older cars that haven't been converted. (and I've read Freon has surpassed marijuana as the number one smuggled item, discounting illegal aliens, of course)

I've never visited boo-way-no Meh-he-co, but I would expect that if I DID visit one of the sleezy border towns, I would expect to wake up with a tequila hangover, an empty wallet and no wristwatch, a tattoo of a senorita on my chest and God-Forbid, a burning sensation when I ....

I lost a day

I thought today was Friday until a little while ago when I checked my computer's clock and calendar.

Easy mistake, I suppose, until one considers I was goofing around with my Day/Date images thing for several hours.

"They" say time flies when you're having fun.

It goes pretty fast when you're just goofin' off, too.