There's No "P" in Huacachina

Today's Bing page has a lovely image of Huacachina, a village in southwestern Peru, built around a small oasis surrounded by sand dunes. It is in the Ica Province, about five kilometers from the city of Ica in the Ica District. The oasis features on the back of the 50 Nuevo Sol note. Huacachina has a permanent population of around 100 although it hosts many tens of thousands of tourists each year.

I decided I'd open up Google Earth and look at the satellite imagery, then discovered it also had the Street View.  I started my "tour" just outside the oasis, just as if I were driving into the town.  I didn't go very far until I saw this:

It's a little hard to see with this screenshot, but it sure looks like the guy is peeing right by the side of the road!

Google has been sued before for showing people urinating, so I was surprised they left this one un-blurred. I forwarded the view a few feet and saw this:

As you can see, I had missed the green garden hose the first time.

Bad Broccoli Blunder

I'm sitting here, just having finished my supper and I'm still hungry.  Why?

Well, I first steamed some broccoli, then cooked a hamburger patty. (hey,that's a pretty good meal for this old bachelor!)  I was ready to plate (paper) it all up and took the insert with the vegetable out of my microwave steamer...and immediately dropped it and the contents.  If it had been raw, I would have just washed it off, but as it was cooked and soft...and most of it went into the full-of-water dishpan anyway. 

I had about three little florets of my veggie left that had stuck to the ribbed insert, so that's all I had to eat along with my burger.  I did have a piece of double-fiber bread to go along with it, but I didn't eat nearly enough to fill me up.

Oh well, it wouldn't hurt me to eat less, even skip a few meals.

I didn't used to be so clumsy. -sigh-

Footie & Football Fouls

I've got a good online friend from England - her nickname is "Minnie". She's a devoted fan of the Chelsea soccer (footie) team. A long time ago when we were chatting on IM, she asked if I followed soccer and if so, what team did I like. I allowed as I really didn't like soccer all that much, but if I did, I might follow Arsenal because that was such a cool name for a team.

Oops, wrong answer. I knew soccer fans were...well, "fanatical" about their teams, but I didn't know about the hatred they could have for other teams. (I like American football, but have grown less and less interested in all sports as I've grown older. I do follow the Dallas Cowboys and have been a fan since I was a young boy, but I don't watch them if they're playing badly. Why would I want to suffer through that? Personally, I don't "hate" other NFL teams, but will admit to disliking Philadelphia mostly because of their obnoxious fans) It wasn't very long until I got a pkg. in the mail from my British friend; in it were two Chelsea jerseys, one white and one blue. My allegiance to a particular footie team had been decided for me!

Chelsea played Barcelona yesterday; I wasn't for sure what was at stake, but I did some research and found out it was an important match (the Champions League Semifinal) and that the team from Spain was the World Cup Champs. (was? were? The British form of singular/plural confuses me a little. Where Americans would say "Chelsea is a great team.", the Brits would say "Chelsea are a great team." I guess it's something to do with the former thinking of a team as a singular unit while the latter thinks of a team being individual players. Just always found that odd. It's almost like the USA being considered a union of individual states pre-Civil War - "The United States ARE..." and afterwards being thought of as a single entity "The United States IS....")

Anyway....I watched a little bit of the match, but was confused a little bit by the Barcelona squad being able to keep the ball near the Chelsea goal as much as they were. I then found out that John Terry, a Chelsea star player, had been given a "red card" - being ejected from the match for a flagrant foul on a Barcelona player, Sanchez. Here's a video of the infraction:




Good Grief, that wasn't much more than a love tap.  Sanchez deserved an Oscar for that acting performance.  Terry could have shot him with a pistol and he wouldn't have gone down that fast. 

As said, Terry was ejected from the match.  I didn't know that a team would have to play short-handed the rest of the game.  That doesn't seem right.  Chelsea went on to play great defense and eventually knotted the score at 2-2.  I know next to nothing about the game and even less about how that can be considered a win, but that's what happened and Chelsea moves on into the playoffs.

(I also don't understand how the various leagues work - my friend Min tried to explain it to me once but I was more confused after the explanation than I was before.  I remember thinking at the time it would be like trying to explain the game of baseball to one of those remote Amazonian tribes. I did catch on that the worst teams have to "drop down" into another league and that sounds like a good deal to me and wish they'd try it in the NFL.)

The Terry "foul" reminded me of another foul committed by Albert Haynesworth, then of the Tennessee Titans,  against Andre Gurode of the Dallas Cowboys from a few years ago.




What Terry did paled in comparison, wouldn't you say?

Note: Doing a little dab of research on this post has made me much more knowledgeable about soccer.  I still don't know much, but I know more than I did yesterday.  Now I need to find out what the fans sing during soccer matches.  I watched a bit of a Liverpool match (scousers!) a couple of years ago and heard them singing "You'll Never Walk Alone".   Odd. 

I haven't asked her, but I bet my British friend Min might think Liverpool should sing the chorus of "Hair Of The Dog".

Taken Out of Context

Of course I know it's Easter, but I still had some confusion when I saw this post on Facebook from a recipe site I follow as well as subscribe to in my reader:

Not trying to be snarky or sacrilegious here, but I for a few seconds I couldn't understand why she'd refer to dough as "He"

Choking on Artichokes

A great artichoke post hit my reader earlier:

One Ingredient, Many Ways: Artichokes

I'll have to admit that I was basically unfamiliar with artichokes until a few years ago. Oh, I knew what they were and loved a pasta salad w/ artichoke hearts sold at a local supermarket deli.

So, I never had much experience with them until I dated a woman who cooked me dinner one night - steaks, corn-on-the-cob, baked potatoes and for an appetizer, she prepared an artichoke.  I watched her as she trimmed the leaves, then boiled the thing in a few inches of water. (basically steaming it, she informed me)

She made a couple of dipping sauces;  one was just melted butter and another was made with mayo and some various herbs and a dash of spicy mustard. The artichoke was done, so she put it on a serving platter along w/ the sauces and told me to have at it while she finished the rest of the meal.

Gamely, I snapped off a leaf, dipped it in butter and popped it in my mouth.  I started chewing...and chewing and chewing and chewing.  I chewed until my jaw was aching, then decided to swallow.  It was like swallowing shredded tree bark. (not that I've ever done that, I just imagine it was like that)

I sat there wondering what it was people saw in this particular dish. My gosh, maybe a cow would like it, what with the ability to chew, swallow, then bring it back up to chew some more, just as they do a cud of grass.  I bet grass would be easier to digest than an artichoke leaf.  Thinking that perhaps I had just got a leaf that wasn't cooked through, I popped another leaf off and started chewing on it.  Same thing as before.  This time I didn't attempt to swallow, but got up with the excuse I needed a glass of water (and I did!) but went to the trash and spat out the leaf, making sure she didn't see me.  I went and sat back down, saying nothing.

My lady friend noticed I wasn't eating the artichoke and asked me if there was something wrong with it.  She came over, snapped off a leaf, dipped it in butter, scraped it on her teeth then discarded what was left on an empty plate.  She looked around the table and asked me where my "spent" leaves were.  I told her I hadn't done as she did, but had chewed and then swallowed the entire thing.

She laughed until she was crying.  Then, when she caught her breath, told me that you don't eat the entire thing, but was just supposed to scrape the waxy covering off the leaf, then throw the rest away.

It would've been nice if I had known that before eating the entire leaf.

Sometimes ignorance isn't bliss.  Sometimes it's painful to chew.

Soylent Tofu

Earlier, I opened up my reader to find several hundred recipes from my foodgawker feed. Along with the other recipe sites I subscribe to, it's often overwhelming to sort through them all. I might not open every post, but I do like to scan the titles for interesting recipes and sometimes go to the website and save them. Far too often the most intriguing recipes are in another language and there's no translator widget on the page. Also, the ingredients are in metric measurements and it's just too much trouble to convert. It's much easier to just Google the recipe and find an English version.

Quickly looking over the titles, I stopped on one - I couldn't believe what I saw! I've always been slightly dyslexic and sometimes it makes for a confusing moment...and a few seconds later, a laugh out loud one.

I thought it said "Human Tofu"

(if you don't get the post title reference or haven't seen the movie: Soylent Green)

Even though I had heard of Hunan, a province of South-Central China, known for its three styles of cuisine, I didn't read it that way.

Here's the recipe that I misread.

Good Grief

I almost snapped my neck doing a double-take just now. I glanced down at the right-hand column and noticed the news feed



BUT, I had a smudge of something, a piece of lint or stray thread, just a tiny bit on the screen at the exact wrong spot and this is what I saw:



Like I said, Good Grief. It wasn't even really funny after I saw what the real article was about, but sometimes I like to try and get a laugh by pointing out just how much of a doofus I am.

DISCLAIMER: Please Read!

Notice: We respectfully submit that Blogger has no responsibility for the content featured in this blog. Click here for more information and bookmark for future updates. Please read the language set forth herein carefully as it may affect, inhibit, modify or otherwise influence the interests or perceptions of any end user (hereinafter "you" or "end user") viewing the contents of this blog (also referred to herein and hereas as "Top of Texas Gazette" or "ToTG" "this Blogger blog" or "this blog" ). You, the viewer of the preceeding, the following and all content contained within thereof and complete, to whit, are hereby advised that Top of Texas Gazette does not depict a real event. It is intended for the sole, limited and express purpose of entertainment and to induce you, the viewer of this blog, to think of something else besides this rat race we call life. Therefore, and by reason of the foregoing, the producers, creators and distributors of this blog (also referrred to herein and hereas as "the managers of ToTG" or "the managers of this blog" or when we really get tired of typing that all out we will use "me.") hereby verily certify that the foregoing fictionalization and dramatization is not real. Furthermore, and without limitation now, since the beginning of time and without perpetuity, managers of this blog and anyone else who was involved in the creation of this blog assume no risks or liabilities stemming from or related to your ("the end user's") viewing of same and assume no liability for any damages that result directly or indirectly from mistakes, omissions, interruptions, deletions of files, viruses, errors, defects or any failures of performance, communications failures, theft, destruction or unauthorized access. The managers of ToTG will not be liable for any damages to your computer or anyone else's by viewing the contents of this blog. This blog is meant to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental or perhaps on purpose. Blog may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Correct change only. Void where prohibited. Keep hands and feet inside car at all time. Some assembly required. No wagering. List each check separately by bank number. Wait until full stop before exiting ride. Correct change only. ( We know we said that before, but it bears repeating) Guests must sign register. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Take only as directed. Harmful or fatal if swallowed. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Close spout after use. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with theAmerican Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. For home use only. Keep cool. process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. Correct change only. (again, we simply cannot express just how important this is) No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This blog does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of this station. Product may contain peanuts. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it and please...do NOT mention where you got it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. I think I already covered that last bit. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This blog is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor but pompous and repeated use of Latin words and/or phrases might seriously tick someone...me...off. Blog is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Please do not be risqué at our risk. Risk your own risqué reading, really! Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from indrect moonlight, for that matter. Keep away from pets and small children. Keep-a-Way is strictly forbidden. Offer expires when all game pieces have been redeemed. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. You got to know when to fold 'em and know when to hold 'em. Read 'em and weep. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken. If you've read this far, you're nearly done. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use. Use only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this blog could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Blog is ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating blogs. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, acne, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earache, earthquake, toothache, hurricanes, himicanes and other Acts of God, neglect, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts,sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. Let's Numanuma. God Bless Google. All your base belong to us.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Hi, Noon!

We have a weekly test of our emergency broadcast system as well as a simultaneous announcement on the loudspeakers around town. It's at Saturday noon, just listened to it a few minutes ago, in fact. The loudspeakers are easily heard, they are strategically placed all over town and also double as sirens in case of disasters such as tornadoes. I forget which signals are which but I betcha I could figger it out quick enough if sumpthin' was happenin'.

My nephew "Garf" has been up here when the things have gone off. He has commented that it smacks of "Big Brother". Clever young man, great observation and analogy, he takes after his uncle. One of his other ones, not me. Standing outside, the audio effect is almost surreal as more than one loudspeaker can be heard but they're not quite "synched" and it's almost like a reverb on an electric guitar or an echo at the Grand Canyon.

(or the echo I hear when I visit the dentist and he ubiquitously says:
"That's the biggest cavity I've ever SEEN SEEN seen seen seen seen seen!" )

The cable TV interruption is annoying, especially when it breaks into a good movie. (or during Antiques Roadshow when they're fixin' to tell something they brought in a POS) We get an annoying, squealing alarm that starts off the announcement, then the dispatcher down at the police dept. breaks in in real time and informs us this is indeed, a test, if this was a real test, yada, yada, yada. I'm always hopin' for a few bars of "Saturday, in the park...I think it was the 4th of July."

BTW, it's generally always been a female dispatcher, at least it's a feminine-sounding voice.... A woman's voice is supposed to be more calming than a man's, but I suppose that's discounting some hysterical woman screaming in your ear.

It's only happened once that I recall, but I remember some severe weather happening one Saturday just before noon and watching frequent interruptions of the regular broadcast with weather warnings. Just as they broke in and announced the sighting of a tornado in this county, "they" went ahead with the regularly scheduled test of the emergency system.

My panic attack was less than many others, I heard. At least I got that goin' for me.

Oh yeah, and one more annoying thing, I can think of others, but they also repeat the broadcast over the loudspeakers in Spanish. I guess that's for "them" that's more of a doofus than me.

I lost a day

I thought today was Friday until a little while ago when I checked my computer's clock and calendar.

Easy mistake, I suppose, until one considers I was goofing around with my Day/Date images thing for several hours.

"They" say time flies when you're having fun.

It goes pretty fast when you're just goofin' off, too.

Particularly Proud Paste Project

I'm a little chuffed (one of those British words for proud and equally alliterative if need be) of my Date/Images thing I put in at the top.

That's a script from The Javascript Source; they also supply the images in a handy zip file. (looks like they have some coding problems, I get the "red x" right now) The images were created by Animation Factory, but I didn't have to use the Javascript Source images because I have several discs of graphics from them I purchased several years ago. It would be easy enough (for talented graphics folks) to create your own graphics, and even having them non-animated, much smaller file sizes, but these aren't so big, something like 10-15kb, I think.

I took some screenshots of the procedure (darn, I should've worked that into the title of this post!) and it's really a simple thing to create. If anyone's interested, I will do a simple tut. (simple by necessity and genetics, not by choice) I uploaded the images to my Photobucket acct. and then altered the image source code in the script to reflect the change of URL. The javascript seems to work just fine and I've not seen any of the dreaded "red X's".

Tomorrow brings a new month, so we'll see if it still works. Might be some kinda mid-summer Y2K thing and crash everyone's 'puter.

The script isn't "simple", but it's basic copy and paste. I love Notepad, a simple app for a simple mind. (I'm not so great at Tic-Tac-Toe)

Blogger Navigation

I'm getting the hang of these things; I found the archive so past posts can be more easily searched (although why you'd want to do that, I haven't a clue) and discovered that by clicking the logo on top after going to a particular post's "page" (and I set it that way, I hope it's the best way) you can return to the "home" page.