Slinky Master

I never could get the thing to go down the stairs when I had one.

First Haircut

Mozart

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Jan 27, 1756 - Dec 5, 1791) began composing at the age of five.

He began decomposing shortly after he died.

Be My Baby - The Ronettes

philosophaster

philosophaster \ fi-los-uh-FAS-ter, fi-LOS-uh-fas-ter \ noun

1. a person who has only a superficial knowledge of philosophy or who feigns a knowledge he or she does not possess.

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There are literally millions of philosophasters on the 'net...I saw posts by a couple dozen just this morning on Facebook. 

Great Ghandi Groaner

From the archives:

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...

... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.