I used to think "KKK" referred to those white supremacists in robes sneaking around at night and burning crosses.
I need to think again.
If she burned her bra, it could heat a small country for a day. There's enough silicone there to caulk all the windows in Pampa.
One thing's for sure: she'll never drown.
February 4, 2009
Boobs & Bigots
Valentine's Day Recipes
Celebrate Valentine's Day with ideas and recipes from Betty Crocker
I'll marry the woman who would bake the Indulgent Brownie Torte for me.
I'd advise her to get a bunch of life insurance on me, though, because the sugar would kill me.
What a way to go.
My Name is Luke
You Are Warm |
 You are as patient, as outgoing, and as nice as you can be. You understand people well, and you mostly enjoy being around them. You are a naturally warm person, but you do have times when you're feeling a bit distant. But even when you're feeling distant, you try to be empathetic. You always go the extra mile. |
Right Down The Line - Gerry Rafferty
No vid, sorry. Such a beautiful song doesn't really need one.
Dedicated to Alison and Chester.
Kickbutt Amped Energy Ballz™
Who in their right mind wouldn't want to try some Kickbutt Amped Energy Ballz™ ???
From the website:
What are kickbutt amped energy ballz™?
kickbutt amped energy ballz™ are a true functional food for instant and sustained energy, providing hours of alertness and vigor – without the ‘crash’ common to many of the energy-enhancement products on the market. kickbutt amped energy ballz™ are formulated with the ideal blend of ingredients needed to deliver a nutritious energy kick that lasts.
They contain:
- high quality whey protein isolates/concentrates
(for endurance,muscle and bone strength)
- complex carbohydrates (for dietary fibre)
- energizing vitamins and herbs
- creatine (preserves muscle mass)
- caffeine (for instant energy)
February 3, 2009
50 Greatest Guitar Solos
50 Greatest Guitar Solos at Guitar World. 
Quite a few of my favorite songs on there, but how they missed "Long Cool Woman" by The Hollies almost invalidates this list for me.
Printable Invitations
Over 100 invitations that you can download and print. Or, download customizable invitations for just $6.
Printable Invitations
I'm sure I've already told this joke, but...I won't let that stop me.
(with all apologies to my new pal, The Local Malcontent)
Did you hear about the Indian chief who drank a hundred cups of tea?
They found him dead the next morning, drowned in his tepee.
February 1, 2009
Spam Nonsense
Received a spam mail yesterday; didn't even know what they were trying to peddle because the main information was on a graphic that was blocked, but the main body text was this:
be sucked i than not but efficient of lamb at to of eat Utah the also am there person i I to is size you make and might say ever a as and it your build For in i next few mess happier have love an two cuddle that so may in people make the mean when etc have sheets dug pine in like when in am will starts if on me and will in on love to best be
I get them like this all the time and know that this gibberish is an attempt to bypass the spam filters. Bob Rankin explains it fairly well on his website:
Spam vs. Anti-spam... the war escalates. This is an attempt by spammers to defeat the content filters that the new generation of spam blockers are using. Spam filters based on Bayesian algorithms try to determine the context of words that may be possible spam triggers.
If an email contains little more than "Enlarge your body parts! Click Here to Buy!!!" then it's pretty easy for a program to score those words and zap the message as spam. But if that text is buried in an avalanche of meaningless text that has nothing to do with anything, the job of determining whether or not a message is good or bad becomes much harder.
Round 'n Round
One of the error messages I had last night. The Pink Floyd song "Brick in the Wall" came to mind: "If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
Had a BUNCH of trouble over the last couple of days; I had d/l the newest ZoneAlarm upgrade and immediately noticed a slowdown in performance. Opening up Task Manager, I noticed the "vsmon" cycling on and off. Knowing that vsmon was the the ZA app., I then tried to stop the process, but because it kept flitting on and off of the list of running programs, I couldn't click on it to stop the program. While it was doing it, the CPU usage went from 0 to 100%. No wonder this computer was slowing down!
Figuring that something must have corrupted the update, I then tried to uninstall ZA, but it wouldn't let me. Being as how I had, prior to the ZA update, d/l Windows Media Player 11, I thought that might have had something to do with it. I had also just d/l the newest version of Firefox, too.
I despised the WMP "upgrade" anyway, so I tried to follow the online instructions on rolling back to WMP 10. No joy.
After rebooting, I was then faced with only a few necessary processes loading; there were no icons on my desktop, no taskbar, no nuthin'.
Long story short, I suddenly found myself without a browser that would work, neither Firefox or IE. I had internet access because my mail program worked, but couldn't get on the internet to find some info. on the problem. Thinking a reboot might work, I tried that (several times) then started getting "NT Authority" error msgs. and having my computer shut down on its own. -sigh-
Won't bore you with the details, but finally got the bright idea (duh!) to rollback to a date before I d/l the newest WMP. That should've helped, but instead it put ZA AND WMP back on this computer so I had to start all over again.
Finally got it all sussed out; am using the Windows Firewall and got my Firefox back up and running (sans my add-ons) so all is well in Mike's World.
For now.
Maybe a Drop Kick
You Are a Two Point Conversion |
 You are an adept risk taker. You love to go for the glory. You do what others are scared to do, and it pays off! You have no fear, and because of this, you're able to look at the odds rationally. You've taken enough small risks to get ahead in life, even if every risk hasn't panned out. |
January 31, 2009
Wild Fires
NW of Pampa
At this time, pasture fires are raging out of control in Gray, Roberts and Carson counties. Sunset should bring some relief with reduced wind and higher humidity.
Relations/Relationships
Another love letter
Hello, I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that I am interested in getting to know more about you. I saw your profile on dating site. I guarantee that I am a nice lady and know how to treat a men... I search a man for all my life for long relationship. Possible having found out about each other more we can join. I'm looking for a serious relationship, so please don't reply, if you aren't serious as well. I want to find kind and reliable partner in life. I with the big pleasure will answer your letter.
Please write on my personal e-mail: sfartom@gmail.com
It is better to try and fail than to give up and never know if we could have relations.
Dear whatever your name is,
Thanks for your interest. Sorry to say, even though you're very attractive, I'll have to pass on your offer.
You see, English is a tricky language and maybe you're taking advantage of that. Let's say we did get together and shortly after we're married you say "Do you want the relations?".
Of course, me being the lusty varmit I am, I say "You Betcha!"
Then, the next thing I know, we've got your mom and dad, your older sister and baby brother and maybe even an aunt or uncle or distant cousin or two coming to live with us.
So, I will have to say...so that you will understand it..."I take the pass."
Regards,
Mike
P.S. You said: "It is better to try and fail than to give up and never know if we could have relations."
Uh, that's why Viagra was invented.
January 30, 2009
World's Fastest Roughnecks
So says the caption. They do make a good connection, if I do say so myself.
Much better than any other connection vids on YouTube.
AT&T = P.O'd
Got this in my ISP mailbox the other day.
Important Notice Regarding Discontinuation of LAUNCHcast Plus Service
Beginning in February 2009, CBS Radio will power LAUNCHcast Radio. LAUNCHcast Radio will still be accessible from the Yahoo! site. However, it will be hosted and operated by CBS Radio rather than by Yahoo!. As part of the transition to CBS Radio, the LAUNCHcast Plus premium service will be closing on February 12, 2009.
Existing AT&T customers will no longer receive LAUNCHcast Plus as part of their AT&T membership after February 12, 2009.
Even though the LAUNCHcast Plus subscription service will be discontinued, you will still have access to most of your favorite preprogrammed LAUNCHcast stations through the new CBS Radio-powered experience. The difference is that those radio stations will be supported by advertising and there will no longer be a commercial-free option.
With LAUNCHcast Radio powered by CBS Radio, you will also get access to some new features, including a new streaming radio player and CBS Radio's wide variety of local music, news, talk, and sports programming. The new radio player will also be compatible with Macintosh computers and Firefox and Safari browsers. Not all existing LAUNCHcast features will continue, however. Your custom "My Station" and "Moods" Stations will no longer be available after February 12, 2009. Additionally, you will no longer be able to add "Influencers" to your personalized "My Station."
There is no need to cancel or do anything with your service to make the transition to CBS Radio. Yahoo! will not transfer any of your account information to CBS Radio. You will not have to pay for the new LAUNCHcast service since it will be supported by advertising.
We hope you will enjoy our new radio experience and the broader range of radio stations that it will bring.
MORE INFORMATION
For more information about LAUNCHcast Radio and the changes to the service, please refer to our Frequently Asked Questions.
Radio station lineup is subject to change and we cannot guarantee that all stations will be available after the transition to CBS Radio.
My bill keeps going up and they keep discontinuing services. I can't recall all that they've quit offering, but they discontinued their alt binaries access and their Briefcase barely works. I've got the investment in the DSL modem, but I've been thinking of going total cable: phone, TV and internet access for about the amount of money I'm paying now for my phone and internet.
I listened to my LAUNCHcast quite often, at least once or twice a week, sometimes more while I'm cruising the 'net. One reason I clung to Internet Explorer is because the service wouldn't work with Firefox, but after adding the "View in IE tab" to my Firefox browser, I could listen to it.
OTOH, I've checked out the CBS/AOL radio and while it doesn't have the features I liked about LAUNCHcast (I could click through a song I didn't like), the new service does have a wide variety of online radio stations.
Still...this was a service promised to me when I signed up and I think they owe me a discount! I am going to call AT&T tomorrow, see if they can knock some off my bill. I think people would be surprised at how accommodating these companies can be, especially since they're loathe to lose customers.
Because I'm a Prince
Your 80s Song is "1999" |
 If you were transported back to the 80s, your life would be all about living large. You love the excess that the 80s represented, even if the party wasn't meant to last. You think of the 80s as a time of wild fashions, big money, and fast cars. And that's a world you wouldn't mind being a part of! |
Lee National Denim Day®
It's quite a while off, but it's never too early to prepare for Lee National Denim Day®
From the website:
How to Plan for Lee National Denim Day®
Coordinating a Denim Day team and contributing to the fight against breast cancer has never been easier or more fun. Here are the five simple steps to hosting Denim Day at your company or with family and friends:
1. Sign Up. When you sign up for Denim Day, you will receive a free participation kit with copier-friendly posters and fact sheets, pink ribbon pins, and more.
2. Promote Your Team. There are a few different ways to get the word out about Denim Day. A good place to start is by customizing the team page that is automatically established for you when you sign up. There you can upload your team’s personal story and fundraising goal, share photos, communicate with your team members and collect donations easily online without envelopes or hassle. We also have a wide variety of downloadable resources online that you can use to motivate your team.
3. Put on Your Jeans. Whether it’s on Oct. 2 or another day of your choosing, don’t forget the best part! Put on your favorite jeans as an act of solidarity in the fight against breast cancer. As a participant, you are welcome to a discount on Lee.com—check your kit for coupons. And visit the Denim Day Shop for your Denim Day apparel, where $5 of every purchase goes to Denim Day.
4. Collect Donations. There are two ways to collect donations. Ask your team members to submit them online from your team page so you can watch as you climb closer to your goal, or you can collect donations from your team members and submit them via cash or check.
5. Celebrate. It is our hope that we will again raise millions for groundbreaking research on Denim Day, and it will be because of your efforts. Pat yourself and your team on the back, and celebrate your contribution in the fight against breast cancer.
Lee National Denim Day
January 29, 2009
Free Travel Guides
From the website:
Step 1: Browse over 100 of our top destinations
Step 2: Pick the travel guides you'd like
Step 3: Receive guides free by mail or download
Step 4: No obligation, no strings attached. Go vacation!
One of the best things in life is the promise of something free. The actual best thing in life is when those promised things turn out to actually be free. Our Free Travel Guides of the United States and Canada are just that: Free. 100% no strings attached. There are two ways to get free brochures or travel information. You can click on the map and find a region of the US that appeals to you, or click on one of the 30 plus states linked on the right sidebar. You'll be able to add free travel brochures or free travel guides to your shopping cart from any page.
When planning a trip and wanting the most current up to date travel information, please consider www.TravelGuidesFree.com
Free Travel Guides
It's just me, I'm sure, but I wonder why the site's name is "Free Travel Guides" and the website URL is www.travelguidesfree.com?
They might be dyslexic and instead of sending you a North Dakota brochure, you get one from South Dakota.
Redneck Solution
From the email archives:
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)
These Southern boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, mamma or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday
My name is Oksana
another love letter from the spam folder:
And you have very much liked me. And I have decided to write to you that will meet you to get friendly communications. I search to myself for the friend with whom it is possible to spend time and can and to create in the future serious attitudes.
If you want to learn about me more and better that write to me on mine email: oksanaalone555@gmail.com
I shall be glad to answer you. I also shall be glad to learn about you more and to receive your photo. I shall respond also to you and I shall send a photo. I very much hope that you will answer my letter. Write with personal email.
Your new friend Oksana.
Dear Oksana,
It's not even the future and I already have some serious attitudes about you.
Let's cut to the chase, all right? Attached is a document with my SS#, my bank routing number and my home phone and address. That'll save you the trouble of wheedling all that out of me with vague promises of sex and adamant vows of your love for me.
Your pal,
Mike
P.S. When you send those photos, make 'em of you naked, ok?
Smart or Stoopid?
Are you smart or stoopid?
Take the test at the aptly titled site smartorstoopid
From the website:
The Smart or Stoopid test is purely meant to be a fun quiz to see how your IQ rates alongside the average, based on the scores of other people who have taken the test. Naturally, only stupid people would take it as a true indicator of intelligence, and only intelligent people would take it as a true indicator of stupidity. Or something like that.
The quiz is on a timer and each multiple choice question comes fast, so be alert! I think I missed a couple (took this test a couple days ago and have slept since then) I saved my score w/ a screen shot, though.
Look at Mike's Big Brain, wouldja?
January 28, 2009
Pepper Pop Plasters Poor Portales
From last week's Portales NM pntonline:
Dr Pepper truck spills load
Diet or regular — Portales clean-up crews had plenty of choices Tuesday after a Dr Pepper truck dumped its load at Avenue A and First Street.
Police said a flatbed Dr Pepper truck was west bound on First Street when its load shifted while attempting a lane change.
The intersection was down to one lane in all directions, while clean up crews hosed off the sticky mess. The clean up took about 45 minutes.
45 minutes to clean up the entire mess?
I heard the clean up crews had to go back at 10, 2 and 4 to finish it all off.
January 27, 2009
This might be true, but...
You Are a Cartographer |
 You have a wide range of knowledge and you're very detail oriented. You have a photographic memory, and you remember places very well. Like a middle ages cartographer, you're also very adventurous and curious about the world. In modern times, you would make a good non-fiction writer or scientist. |
This flatters me, but I think I would probably have been a lowly peon working in the King's stable, shoveling horse...well, you know.
I'd rather have been the footstool for the Queen.
wanton
From this blog's Word of the Day from Dictionary.com
wanton \WON-tn\, adjective:
1. reckless, heartless, or malicious; without reason or excuse
2. not moral; lewd, lascivious
This word has been used a lot lately, particularly in regards to politics. An example: "Bush's wanton disregard for (insert offended segment of the population and their beef)...yada yada yada."
That's the first definition, but I always think of the second when I see the word in print or hear it.
Think of two Texas guys in a bar, ogling a stripper who has turned her attention to them in hopes of tips being stuffed in her g-string.
"That, my friend," says one, "is a perfect example of a wanton woman."
"Yew got tha' raht." replies the other. "Ah'm a wantin' her BAD."
January 26, 2009
Aloft
From NASA's image of the day:
This image, taken through a telescope, is of the newly designed super pressure balloon aloft over Antarctica.
NASA and the National Science Foundation successfully launched the newly designed super pressure balloon prototype that may herald a new era of high-altitude scientific research. The super-pressure balloon ultimately will carry large scientific experiments to the brink of space for 100 days or more.
This seven-million-cubic-foot super-pressure balloon is the largest single-cell, super-pressure, fully-sealed balloon ever flown. When development ends, NASA will have a 22 million-cubic-foot balloon that can carry a one-ton instrument to an altitude of more than 110,000 feet, which is 3-4 times higher than passenger planes fly.
Ultra-long duration missions using the super pressure balloon cost considerably less than a satellite and the scientific instruments flown can be retrieved and launched again, making them ideal very-high altitude research platforms.
The test flight was launched Dec. 28, 2008, from McMurdo Station, the National Science Foundation's logistics hub in Antarctica.
Image Credit:Columbia Scientific Balloon Facility
This image and many others are freely available to download for non-commercial use and several different sizes are offered as wallpaper.
January 24, 2009
Free 3-D Glasses
At your local Dollar General.
Was sorting through some stuff a few months ago and ran across a couple of pairs of 3-D glasses almost identical to the one pictured above. A few months before that I was doing the same thing and found another pair! I can't remember when I got them or what was supposed to be viewed through them. Seems as though one was for a movie and the others were for particular magazine issues.
I'm really wondering why I still have them. I probably didn't remember the reason why when I threw them in the box, hoping that the next time I found them I might remember.
I'm also wondering if there's any significance to this post mentioning Dollar General and the previous post mentioning Family Dollar. I go to both local outlets fairly often and will have to remember to get my free 3-D glasses...so I can keep them and then a few years later forget why I have them.
I'll also need to remember which store is which. Thank goodness two of the competing outlets are right next to each other. I'll probably go to the wrong one first, then instead of driving to park at the right store, will forget to look both ways and get run over crossing the street.
The advertisement says "The Big Game Just Got Bigger!" Hmmm.... Usually, 3-D glasses give depth to a printed page or a movie by using a stereo effect, but if these make things look bigger, I will have to try to remember that if I ever get a girlfriend.
January 23, 2009
Walking Through West
It's been years since I've been through West, Texas and but a couple of times in my life at that. The town is on a "lonesome" stretch of I-35 and the highway doesn't go through the town but instead zips around. It's very near a place I'd love to live and a few weeks back I thought I'd use the street view in Google Earth to see the places of interest in the town. The town doesn't have a very good resolution in their particular swath of satellite view, though.
A listing for a Chzeck restaurant caught my eye, so I clicked on the little orb in Google Earth to see what sort of building housed the eatery. According to the place mark, it was located very near or in the two story dilapidated house shown below.
A man walking caught my eye.
The Google van taking the photos took several photos going by the guy.
He glances over, reaches into his pocket.
Looks like he's shouting something, doesn't it?
The van rolls on, the man's hand returns to his jacket.
Up the same street, parking just down from the Family Dollar there's another figure coming out from beside a bright red car.
The van keeps snapping photos:
A little blurry, but it's a pretty young girl with her hair in a ponytail and I'd bet that was her car because it looks as though she's got keys in her hands.
She pays the Google van no attention.
And I'd bet she is looking at the back of her dusty car and thinking she needs to wash it.
She keeps going.
Right towards the guy walking down the street.
You should see the next few shots.
Or maybe not.
and I never crumble
You Are Traditional and Dependable |
 You are optimistic, friendly, and cheerful. People appreciate the hopefulness and good vibes you bring to any situation. Your life is all about change. Right now, you may be going through some changes you really don't like. You're easy going and easy to be around. You aren't picky or high maintenance. You seek security in your life. Feeling safe is important to you. |
January 22, 2009
Free Chocolate Turtle
Chex Mix®, that is.
I already receive the Betty Crocker® email newsletter, so I am not eligible for this giveaway, but I'd recommend both the newsletter and the new Chex Mix®. I almost always find a good recipe in my weekly email and a sample of this new product was consumed within five minutes of getting it in my mailbox. They also sent me at least half a dozen dollar off a box coupons, but the treat IS loaded down with sugar.
-sigh-
Step right up, getchyer free sample right here!
Check the Homework!
From the email archives
A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment.
After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint.
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.
This drawing is of me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Harrington
January 21, 2009
January 20, 2009
pandiculation
The Word of the Day
pandiculation \pan-dik-yuh-LEY-shuhn\
noun: an instinctive stretching, as on awakening or while yawning
I've done this and got a charley horse so horrible it made me collapse from the pain, such a sudden shock I guess. It's taken me a long, long time to learn to do it gingerly, a little at a time. It also helps to stay hydrated, I think, because nearly every other time I've got a cramp it was when I was also thirsty.
Pandiculation isn't in my Firefox spell checker, and I didn't know the word.
10 Enjoyable Things To Do On Inauguration Day
From the email (recent) archives:
1. Search for a second or third job to help pay your higher taxes;
2. Stage a Ronald Reagan Film Festival in your community;
3. Attend a women's professional basketball game;
4. Search your kitchen for recalled food products;
5. Play Halo 3 and/or Wii with your teenager(s);
6. Ignore all news media sources for 24 hours;
7. Shovel snow off your driveway;
8. Schedule a colonoscopy;
9. File your tax return; and
10. Stay in bed.
January 19, 2009
'Barack Obama Has Refused to Be a President'
Heads-up from JammieWearingFool about cloned Obama websites with the above title and having been outfitted with a computer virus.
The malicious websites originate from China. Whodathunkit? I thought the Ruskies and other ex-Soviet bloc nations had cornered the market on that sort of thing.
"Jammie" is one of my new favorite blogs I follow and a multiple winner of the famous Weblog Awards
They're not up there in searches for "sister's feet" like this one, though.
obscure
From this blog's Word of the Day feed:
obscure \uhb-SKYOOR\,
adjective:
1. not clearly expressed; hard to understand
verb:
1. to hide from view; dim, darken
adjective:
1. not well known; not prominent
2. dark, dim, murky
"Hard to understand" certainly would be the phrase to describe this blog. Used as a verb, "not well known" and "not prominent" would also fit.
"Dim" and "murky" describes this blog's author.
Kate Winslet's Golden Globes
I don't really follow entertainment news, but skimming through the news headlines a bit ago I saw where Kate Winslet won two Golden Globes this last week.
Wow. I thought she was born with 'em...or at least got 'em around puberty.
Quote of the Day 1/19/09
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
- Sallust
I dunno 'bout "architect"; some of us are in demolition, running the wrecking ball.
Comic Book Advertisements
Top 10 Outrageous Comic Book Advertisements
I remember these very well and recall spending hours looking at these ads, wishing I had $6.95 for the Polaris Nuclear Submarine. (the nuclear sub was born the same year I was!)
I knew not to ask my folks for the money because seven bucks was a FORTUNE back then. I bet, at that time, it was three hours worth of work for my dad, nearly half a day's wages.
I remember the ad (below) very well too, but didn't want one of them because we already had a dog that would fit in a teacup!
I did have a bunch of those green plastic army men, though, bought from the Woolsworth dime store. I brought a few to school to play army with my best friend Joe Bill; we had staked a claim to a secluded corner of the playground, out of the wind and away from the girl's hopscotch sidewalk.
We had a magnifying glass and would put the "death beam" on the German soldiers (which were identical to the US soldiers except we carved a swastika on their helmets). After we ran out of Germans to fry, Joe Bill melted part of one of my bazooka carrying men. I protested, but Jody assured me he was better that way "Now he can shoot around corners!"
January 18, 2009
Danger! Danger!
I guess you'd have to be a child of the 60's like me to recognize the title of this post. It was the exclamation of the robot on the TV series "Lost in Space" whenever Will Robinson was about to get into trouble (at least once per show)
The robot was played / "manned" by Bob May.
I was saddened to just read this:
'Lost in Space' actor Bob May dies at 69
Official website
Coney Island heaven in Pampa
Story on ConnectAmarillo.com
I have a photo of the "Queen of the Coney" (Linda) somewhere on this computer but can't find it.
I've known Linda for years and years; the first time I met her was at a garage sale I had back in the mid-80's. I had a couple of old bikes for sale and she was looking for bikes for her two little girls who had had theirs stolen that week. My bikes were in pretty shabby shape and weren't what she wanted, but I offered to give them to her because I felt so bad for her kiddos.
Two other stories in this blog about the Coney:
Hey Mister!
and
Blueberries With Wings
Strange Laws
From the email archives:
* In Alabama, prison guards are forbidden from referring to their spouses as "the old ball 'n' chain."
* In Los Angeles, it's illegal for a waiter to tell a customer "I'm really an actor."
* In Indiana, it's against the law to dress "Barbie" in "Ken's" clothes.
* In Sedona, Ariz., it's illegal to lie about your astrological sign.
* In Texas, it's illegal to threaten somebody with an UNLOADED gun.
* In Samoa, it's a crime to forget your wife's birthday.
* In Australia, it's illegal to name any animal you plan to eat.
* In Cannes, France, it's illegal to wear a Jerry Lewis mask.
* In New Jersey, answering a traffic cop who asks "Do you know why I pulled you over?" by saying, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" is an automatic $300 fine.
* In Kentucky, it's illegal to paint your lawn red.
* In Portugal, it's against the law to pee in the ocean.
* In Connecticut, night watchmen are forbidden from drinking decaf coffee while working.
* In Vermont, it's illegal to pick your nose and stick the pickings under a table.
* In Tennessee, it's illegal to tell someone to quit smoking.
* In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter.
* In Georgia, it's illegal to teach a child under 5 the words "penis" and "vagina."
* Unmarried women are not allowed to buy edible panties in South Carolina.
* In Italy, anyone considered "obese" is forbidden from wearing polyester.
* It's illegal to tear a phone book in half in Montana.
* Anyone caught selling a "smoothie" that has lumps is breaking the law in California.
* In Arkansas, it's illegal for a woman getting married for the second time to wear a white wedding gown.
* In Pennsylvania, it's against the law to put a dollar on a string on the ground and yank it when someone tries to pick it up.
* In New York City, it's illegal for a restaurant to call it a "corned beef sandwich" if it's made with white bread and mayonnaise.
Another Admirer
Hello!
My name is Lyubov. I am 28 years old. I have decided to write to you and i hope we can find much in common. I am a young lady. My friends consider me to be interesting in communication, kind and sincere. I can cook it is tasty. I happen good companion in a society. I have neither husband nor children. I have serious intentions about my life. I want to find a man that I can talk to, meet him and also to creat a family. I am fond of children and I dream about a happy family with the beloved man. I dream about strong relations with the good man and the right person of course.
If you are interested in Me if you wish to see more my photos please write to Me on my personal e-mail: solnchesvetit@yahoo.com because I shall be capable to answer you only from this address and to send the photos.
I hope to find an answer from you.
Lyubov
Dear Lyubov,
Other than me thinking you're probably really a Russian Mafia prostitute, you've got my interest.
I'm really interested in the "strong relations". I have those dreams too, all the time, but not nearly as many as I did when I was 16 yrs. old.
Please send many photos, preferably ones of you without any clothes.
I don't buy a pig in a poke, just to let you know.
If it works out, we can do some tasty cooking together. I'm fond of children, too and prefer them broiled with a dab of bbq sauce on 'em.
Mike
January 17, 2009
A Bad Law
"Prostitution Free Zone" During Inauguration
There are several problems with this: One, Washington D.C. and particularly Capitol Hill is FULL of politicians whores; two, we're getting screwed anyway and three, the American People just elected a guy who has made a career out of selling out his country cheaply and has associated with other Chicago whores, pimps and crooks.
Besides that, how are they going to separate the real whores from the adoring masses who cared not one whit about their candidate's background, those who got on their knees or bent over for "The Messiah"?
I don't hate America; I just hate over half my fellow Americans.
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