Happiness is Nearby

Yeah, and he just turned up his nose at his breakfast. Darn cat.

I dunno if that's the happiness my fortune is talking about. Also next to me is a bottle of premium tequila I bought a couple of years ago for a present and put away and just found again the other day. If that's the happiness, then tomorrow's fortune will read "You feel like crap."

I usually post only the music I like, but today's fortune made me think of this song, IMO the worst song the Beatles ever did.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Dear Whoever

Hello! I looked through your profile at e-kontakte.se and decided to write you a message and tell I am intersted in you. I'm sure that you are very intelligent and nice person. It would be great to learn more about you! I'm sure we can find something in common and begin a long a beautiful story.I'm looking only for serious relationship, I'm tired of games and dishonesty. I'm ready to give all my love and tenderness to a right man. Maybe that is you? Nobody knows!

I hope you are also interested in communicating with me! Looking forward to hearing from you! Please reply only to my personal e-mail: krasatulechka2009@gmail.com



Dear Whoever You Are,

(you didn't give a name, except for the photo; is your name "MyPhoto"???")

Let's keep this short and sweet, ok? I never left a profile at the site you mentioned; the last time I signed up for a matchmaking service they tried to hook me up with my cousin.

A "long and beautiful story" is what you want, huh? Like a fairy tale? Know the difference between a fairy tale and a Texas tall tale? The fairy tale starts out like this: "Once upon a time..." and the Texas tall tale begins "Now, this ain't no BS..."

So, if you're tired of "games and dishonesty", why are you acting crooked as a dog's hind leg?

You got one thing correct: I am a "right man". I suggest, however, that you look for a "left" one and lower your standards on "nice and intelligent" because them sunuvabitches will sleep with anybody and are stupid enough to fall for your scam.

Sincerely,
Mike

P.S. Here's your "real" address: avalotor@serialsys.com.sg

Here's hopin' the spambots pick up on it and deluge your email account.

THAT ain't no BS.

Typical CEO

From the email archives:

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If you've ever worked for a boss that reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

One corporation, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers..

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, 'How much money do you make a week?'

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, 'Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back.'

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone here want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'

From across the room came a voice, 'Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.'

The Legend of Old Rip

Legend says a horny toad (a.k.a. horned lizard) named Old Rip survived for decades trapped inside a brick of the courthouse in Eastland, Texas. When he was found alive, Old Rip became an instant celebrity

Uncle Jay Explains (3-30)

With My Luck

It's probably a mortician.