Use Your Head, Wal-Mart

JUST got back from the local WallyWorld; I had purchased some new socks, cat food, some cashews and a few other items.

The store was crowded, even for a Saturday evening. As always, the other customers were rude and so were the employees.

(Why do teens have to walk four abreast down the narrow WM aisles? I've quit giving right-of-way and started ramming my cart into them, aiming right at the crotch of the nearest one pushing me into the merchandise. Maybe I'll make one of 'em sterile so those rudeness genes won't be passed on. It will be my gift to the world, you don't have to thank me)

I wanted to get the Beej some of his favorite cat food and crunchy treats, but there was a stocker right in front of the brand I usually buy. It looked as though he was nearly done, so I killed a few seconds looking at the fish tanks. I was starting to get the exact same disposition of the Oscars that were fighting in one of the tanks.

I looked over and noticed the guy was through, so I stood there waiting for him to move out of the way.

"Fish?" he asked me.

"Uh..." I stammered. "I'm going to get some tuna, maybe some of that duck with rice."

Now was his turn to be perplexed. "No, tropical fish." he explained.

I almost said I didn't know they had that particular flavor, but I bet the Beej would probably like it...then it dawned on me what he meant. Oh well.

I finally got done and made my way up to the front. Oh boy, there were only a few checkouts open and they were all busy.

I stood in line for about five minutes waiting to be checked out when I was informed the line was closing and "would I please move to another line?" I did, no complaints. Just my luck, I thought, but also wondering why the store wouldn't schedule a few more checkers on a Saturday.

I then waited for fifteen or more minutes in THAT line only to have my debit card keep getting rejected for some unknown reason. The cashier had to take it and scan it on her register and it went through just fine.

(I'll have to check the statement at the end of the month; the charge will probably show up as many times as I swiped the card through the reader.)

"Been having problems with that all day." the cashier informed me. Hmmmm...I thought, wondering why no one had attempted to repair it, or barring that, hadn't put an "Out of Order" sign on it? No problem, I got it paid for and was on my way out when I was held up by my arm by some young idjit checking packages at the exit. Ouch. His dirty fingernails were scratching my skin.

One too many straws for this camel's back.

"Take your hand off my arm." I told the guy "Unless you want me to rip yours off and beat you to death with it."

"Just doin' my job." said the acne covered idjit with a sniff. He didn't know how close to dismemberment he had come. "Silly damn job." I told him, looking him square in the eye, daring him to get huffy with me. I was in the mood for some violence by then.

"I have to do it." he told me. "You have some items that aren't in sacks."

The items? A 12-pk of Diet Lemon Tea and a case of water in 20oz. bottles. I don't think Wal-Mart HAS sacks that large. I'll make sure they're sacked up somehow the next time I'm there, though. (maybe I'll steal 'em, put them in my pants. Better yet, I'll swipe some high-ticket items, put them in a sack because that seems to be the criteria for proving they were purchased)

Yes, there will be a next time. (won't steal though, that was just hyperbole) Wal-Mart is very nearly the only game in town, especially for certain items. It's bad enough we have to put up with trying to find employees when we need help and when we DO find them and ask them a question, we then get an attitude of annnoyance and/or ignorance...and to add the worst thing, we have to purchase items made in China. (what happened to their "Made in America" campaign from a few years ago?)

To top that off, we get fat, pimple-faced idjits loving their lofty position of "authority", not using what little brains they have in their heads, harrassing the customers as they leave, insisting upon seeing proof of purchase for items that are already our property.

I can think of a thousand items I would steal before I would water and iced tea.

I guess the idjit knew I was displeased; if he hadn't gotten the hint with my threat, he certainly got it when I told him to perform an impossible sexual act upon himself. He glanced at my receipt and thrust it back at me. "Have a nice day, sir." he told me. I repeated my previous statement, wanting to make sure he had understood just how angry I was.

An older lady nearby heard me, and I was immediately ashamed...not because of what I had said, but because I had said it in front of a woman.

"Sorry." I told her. "My momma taught me better than that."

"I should hope so." the lady said. "But, to be honest..." she went on, leaned towards me and in a whisper:

"I was thinking the same thing."