Happy Friday the 13th!

I'm feeling lazy again. What's new? Last published 7/13/12

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Bump from a couple of years ago.

No need to waste a perfectly "good" post.

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Years ago in a galaxy far, far away....

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I hadn't been up very long, so I was sitting there picking at my "supper" my new bride had prepared for me. When you work the night shift (morning tour) on drilling rigs, your day gets turned around and eating spaghetti for "breakfast" is the norm, but still hard to get used to.

Her cooking took even more getting used to.

My wife (now ex) was reading the paper while I sat there watching the clock on the wall tick off the minutes before my ride came to pick me up. All of a sudden, she exclaimed

"Oh gosh, your horoscope!"

"What about it?" I asked without much interest, never having been enthused about that sort of thing. (it always struck me as funny that 100 million Chinese folks were gonna have the exact same sort of day that I was)

"Listen to this!" she went on. "It says 'Beware of working around dangerous machinery' !!!"

I sat there, not saying a thing. I was new to this married business and had made several bad mistakes already, one being that there's no good answers to questions such as "Does this make me look fat?"

("Sort of" isn't one of those good answers, lemme tell ya.)

"And it's Friday the 13th, too!" she exclaimed in fright.

I'm seldom in a good mood after waking up, but not so much after having such a heavy breakfast at nine o'clock at night and definitely not after trying to sleep during the day in a neighborhood full of kids.

What the heck, I thought. I'll torture her a little bit, just like she did me earlier in the afternoon while running the vacuum.

"Y'know, my rig's number is 13." I informed her.

She sat there, looking at me in horror. I went on.

"We're drilling to 13,000 feet, we're 13 miles out on the river road, there's 13 cattle guards between the highway and the rig."

Her mouth was gaped open, her worst fears realized.

"There's also 13 guys on the rig, come to think of it, four guys per crew plus the tool pusher."

For good measure, I went on, "Know what well we're drilling? It's the Flowers #13!" I tried to think of other 13's just to freak her out some more, but that was it.

She sat there for a minute and declared "Well, you'll just have to twist off tonight." using the oil field term for not showing up for work. She was catching on to being a roughneck's wife, for sure.

"I'd better not do that." I told her. "We need the money. " The subject of money was good for getting her to shut up or to talk, whichever one it was I needed her to do at that particular moment. I WAS catching on to this married stuff, I thought.

At the same time, my boss showed up, announcing his arrival with a blast of his car horn. As I started out the door I stopped and said:

"One good thing..." I went on. "If I get killed, you'll probably get a check for $13,000 bucks from the insurance company, I think that's the death benefit."

That wasn't the right thing to say. Maybe I DIDN'T know much about married life. She started to cry. Another impatient honk came from the idling car outside; I glanced at the clock and saw he was late in picking me up. Another minute won't hurt, I thought, and turned to her and with a hug and a quick smooch on the cheek I asked her:

"That's TODAY'S horoscope, right?" She sniffed and nodded her head.

"Think about it..." I said. "Today is nearly over,so my shift will be on the 14th!"

"I've slept THROUGH Friday the 13th!" I assured her.

Immediate relief showed in her eyes, but once again I showed I was a novice at marriage. With an evil grin on my face I said:

"You'll still get the money if I get killed, though."

I DID have some bad luck that day, that Friday the 13th.

It's always bad luck to get hit in the head by a flying lunchbox.

spelunk

spelunk spe·lunk [spi-luhngk] verb (used without object)

to explore caves, especially as a hobby.

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Even though I have a pretty good case of claustrophobia, I've always liked caves. My phobia isn't a full blown raging case of it, but I just don't like being in tight, cramped spaces and if I wasn't crazy when you put me in a straitjacket, I would be in a matter of a few minutes.  I've been to "civilized" caves, such as Carlsbad Caverns (and want to go back to see the bats come out at sundown) as well as the Inner Space Cavern near Georgetown, Texas (video tour), but I've also explored several lesser-known and smaller caves.

When I was in junior high, I had one of the best teachers I ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was a brilliant man, a full-blood Cherokee Indian with something like six master's degrees and hundreds and hundreds of college credits to boot. I don't really know why he deigned to teach a bunch of knotheads like us, especially since he didn't have much patience for kids, but if you showed an interest, he would go the extra mile to teach you all you could absorb.

He took us on several class trips, one of which was an extended tour of the western part of Oklahoma where he grew up - a bee farm and tombstone factory were two of the stops -  and we spent the entire morning going through a cave system on private land belonging to an old friend of his.

Looking back, it was amazing that we did that; these days schools certainly wouldn't want to be exposed to the potential liability that crawling through caves full of rattlesnakes, bats and other dangers would entail. I could write a thousand words about all the things we did on that one day, but will just relate one story in this post about that trip.

Most of the other kids went fairly far into the cave system, but another guy and I went so far back, we had to start crawling. I stopped when it got too cramped for even that position, but the other guy scooted along on his stomach for another hundred yards, only coming back when he disturbed a colony of bats. (it was too narrow for him to turn around,so he had to scoot backwards) It sends a shiver down my spine thinking about that now.

When we came out, the teacher, the two parents who took cars (my dad being one) and the rest of the class were waiting on us. We were a sight, clothes torn on the rocks, wet and dirty from our spelunking. The teacher just smiled when we told him how far back we had gone and said he had always thought about going even farther, dressing in a wetsuit and greasing himself up so he could fit through the tight spots. He said he thought he could find an underground river that fed some springs in the area.

I'm glad I did that, but wouldn't care to do it again.  I guess that's the difference between that carefree (or careless) boy I was then and the cautious old fart I am today.

Moths of the Texas Panhandle

I stumbled across this video after seeing an article about hummingbird moths and wondering if they were found in these parts. Back when I worked on drilling rigs, all sorts of insects and moths would be attracted to the lights of the rig at night, sometimes so thick around the lights on the floor that they blocked out most of the light and it was hard to see and often far-too-easy to have one fly into your mouth.

I remember one guy I worked with insisting they were hummingbirds, but those are fairly rare up in this part of the country.  Another guy I worked with would catch the huge moths, unroll their "nose" with a pencil, then tape it inside someone's locker.  When he opened it up the next morning, it was always funny to see him startled by the moth frantically fluttering at the guy's eye level.

(EDIT to add: funny to see the guy scared by a moth, but I always felt sorry for the moth; it was cruel, even though I doubt the moth had a very long lifespan.)

My landlady's son, the younger brother of a classmate, was a sophomore one summer when the moths were prolific around the rig and had to do the same project his brother and I had to do at the same age;  catch 50 different insects and pin them to a board and label them.  I took the young man a lunch box full of moths and asst. other insects I caught one night and he later told me he had over 70 different types of insects and got an "A" for the project!

I used to have some Four O'Clock plants by my porch and during the summer,moths would gather nectar out of the flowers that opened in the late afternoon and stayed open until sunrise the next morning.  I had an old black cat that absolutely loved those moths;  he grew tired of playing with them and discovered he liked the taste.  He wouldn't eat the entire thing, but I would find just the head and wings all over the place, even inside where he had brought them in through the cat flaps. (along with lizards, garden snakes, birds and all sorts of creatures.)

Knit Pick

I really need to learn how to knit. I've got so much cat hair in my house that if I had the internal organs, I could knit me another cat.

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Knit One, Purl Two - Glenn Miller

The Contents Had To Be Funny

When you saw the cover.

You Are Humor

You love to laugh at life, and if possible, get others to laugh along with you. You believe there's always a humorous side to everything. And your sense of humor ranges from upbeat to very dark. You are outrageous and very honest.  You're often the only one willing to say what everyone else is thinking. You are witty and verbally talented. You like to play with words and say things in interesting ways.

What Kind of Book Are You?

codger

codger codg·er [koj-er] noun

an eccentric man, especially one who is old.

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I used to think it was funny calling an old man a "codger"...until I became one myself.

"Baldie" To His Friends

Mr. Clean's first name is Veritably.