Fun at the Mental Hospital

From the email archives

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I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting '13....13....13'.

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Then some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick, and they all started shouting '14....14....14'.

Live Traffic Feed

New ToTG item from FEEDJIT over in the right-hand column, down near the bottom.

It doesn't keep statistics like a regular counter; instead, it displays a fairly anonymous listing of who visits, where they entered from and to where they go.

I'm gonna have to be careful about my entries/exits, looks like.

Live Until I Die

Close calls and Frank Sinatra.

Burning Love - Elvis

subfusc

From the Word of the Day (Dictionary.com) feed in the right-hand column.

subfusc \sub-FUHSK\,
adjective:Dark or dull in color; drab, dusky.

"How ya feelin' today, Mike?"

"Man, I'm subfusced."

World's Biggest Wind Farm Coming to Texas Panhandle

Article


Too bad he also wants to ship all of our water downstate and rob land owners while doing so.

A Royal Ass Whippin'

Yup, that's what I'd have got every day growing up here in Texas if I'd have been named this .

Your Noble British Name Is:

Sir Patrick Sebastian Teakle

What's Your Noble British Name?

I used to have a really good online friend from Great Britain; she once told me she was going to ask for more money from her employers because she hadn't had a raise in the seven years she'd worked as a janitor (that's what she did, more-or-less) in a school's art dept.

A few days later she told me she hadn't received any more money, but they had re-named her job duties: from now on, she was an "Art Technician, Class III". She seemed satisfied with that, so I suppose there's something to that old saw about British people, God Bless 'Em, preferring a title to a raise.

Call ME what you want, just "show me the money".

I Just Want to Thank You

(from the email archives)

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I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day...

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Gay Irish Dwarfs

(Or how I learned to quit worrying and not trust online translators)

I've had the Gay Irish Dwarfs Blogger site bookmarked for quite some time, but rarely visited it after discovering it via the "Next Blog" button at the top of the page. It caught my eye because of the "odd" title -which I find amusing- and I wonder if he ever has heard of this MSN Group? His title is a LOT less ambiguous, I'll give 'im that.

Most of the post titles are in English, but I wasn't for sure what language the rest was in and hadn't had the time nor inclination to find out. Speeding through my favorite blogs this morning, I clicked on the blog and a new post caught my eye: Lazy Days

Boston Marathon var passe koselig. Mye folk som gauket i gatene. Mer interessant er det alltid å ta turen innom en bokhandel. Følgende bøker ble med hjem: To Kill a Mockingbird av Harper Lee, Cat's Cradle av Kurt Vonnegut, The Dangerous Summer og The Sun Also Rises av Hemingway. Leste akkurat siste sidene av The Moor's Last Sigh av Rushdie. Bra bok, spesielt liker jeg dragningen mot Andalusia, noe jeg selv føler på kroppen.

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It's easy enough to see that most of that paragraph is about books and a mention of the recent Boston Marathon. (duh) The rest piqued my interest, so I attempted, through trial-and-error, to figure out what language was being used. (which would tax my feeble mind, esp. as I have trouble understanding E. Texas accents)

Since the title has "Irish" in it, I first thought I would need a Gaelic translation, but a quick search didn't turn up an online translator and instead I'd have to submit the text to forums.

Uh, no thanks. (I could do without the potential humiliation)

It seemed more "Dutch" to me, or even German, but it didn't translate well, but the fact that a few words WERE translated made me think it might be Scandinavian. I tried Icelandic, Swedish, then got a fair translation with Norwegian.

Bingo! I think. The problem lies in having to translate the translated text. Here's the translation.

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Boston Marathon stayed be convenient cosily. A great many people as gauket in avenue. Additional interesting is it always to get the boom innom a bookshop

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Here's what I think it means:

It's expensive to stay in Boston. Lots of people watching in the street. It starts falling apart there: It's also interesting to get the "boom in a bookshop"???

Uh oh. Not for sure I even WANT that last part translated.

The last bit in the paragraph translates thusly:

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Read accurate lastly pages at In spite of the fact that Moor's Blame Sigh at Rush hour. A good one book , especially likes I the allurement against Andalusia , any I herself senses at body.

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O-kay. Another book review, one that the Muslims would chop his head off over and get extra virgins allotted to them in Paradise because he's also gay. I think he's identifying with a female character in the book. I dunno, like I said, I'm not good at this.

Here's more:

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Har stort sett brukt dagen på å lese, sittende i solen. Høydepunktet var de to brasilianske vaskejentene som tryllet leiligheten skinnende ren. De la endatil sammen mine skitne klær. Noe som på en måte forplikter meg til å bruke de litt mer. Så veldig skitne er de heller ikke.

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The online translation:

Has large sett cast-off day at to peruse , in office in sun. Climax were they dates back to Brazilian vaskejentene as conjure the occasion bright clean-cut. They allow continueous comparison mine dirty clothes. Looked like in a way am committing at to consumes they a little more than. Saw awfully dirty are they nor.

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My translation:

Oh boy. Had a day off, or goofed off at the office getting some sun. The end (I hope that means the end...or maybe I don't) dates back to some Brazilian something and the memory is fresh and pure. Someone's always criticizing the way he dresses. Someone gave him a dirty look because they thought him fat but they're dirtier than he is. So there.

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I can't dwell on this sort of thing, it'll drive me nuts. Especially this:

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Har spist to burritoer i dag. Føler meg skitten, som om jeg har brutt uskrevne lover og etikette. Men godt var det.

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When it translates to this:

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Has eaten dates back to burritoer today. Senses my dirt , as if I've broken uskrevne laws and label. But be comfortable stayed facts

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Whatever it means, I'm glad he's tellin' the truth. Wonder if "burritoer" is a "burrito" and if he's talking about eating them for days or not having one until today after only eating dates? Maybe he had a burrito on a date? I wonder what he means by "senses my dirt" and what sort of laws he thinks someone else might think he's broken?

So Alive - Love & Rockets

Breakfast of Champions

Mental Floss has a new petition they want to submit to General Mills, makers of that American icon, Wheaties cereal.

The website claims there are 10 Sports Heroes You Won’t Find on a Wheaties Box. Among the names are a few familiar ones: Willie Mosconi, Paul Newman's billiards coach in The Hustler, Phil Hill of Formula One Racing fame and John Harkes from soccer. The others include an American sumo wrestler, polo stars (regular and elephant) and for some reason, an American-born bull fighter.

I dunno why someone can't simply spring for $34.95 and get their own personalized Wheaties cereal box ?



Wheaties used to be among my favorite cold cereals, along with Total and Post Toasties. (notice a trend? A flake liking flakes) Even as "healthy" as those cereals are, they contain far too much sugar and carbs for me these days.

I remember the last "hero" Wheaties box I bought and saved for the longest time.

I had a crush on Mary Lou.

Tell ya who I'd really like to see on a Wheaties box: A sumo wrestler playing elephant polo with bull fighters being whacked into the goal.

With cue sticks.

I would've thought oatmeal.

You Are Granola

You are creative and inventive. You don't do much the ordinary or normal way. You like to explore new ideas and lifestyles. Something isn't for you just because other people do it. Quick breakfast fixes are definitely not your style. You're the type most likely to cook yourself an amazing homemade breakfast.

What Kind of Cereal Are You?

My home town is so small...

...the city limits signs are both on the same post!
...the City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell
...the McDonalds only has one Golden Arch
...the 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2
...the one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions
...the phone book has only one page
...there's nothing doing every minute
...the ZIP code was a fraction
...Second Street is in the next town over
...there's no place to go that you shouldn't
...a "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes
...the mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog
...the New Year's baby was born in October

Perfect Trip

Not only nearly a perfect game (a "perfect" one wouldn't have allowed any points) but a perfect "trip".

When I was a kid, we had the Milles Bornes card game and me 'n my sisters and mom would play. The object of the game is to "travel" 1000 miles ('milles bornes" means "a thousand miles" in French) before one's opponents. It takes a "Go" card to start the trip, then mileage cards can be played. Your progress can be stopped by a "Stop" or an accident, out-of-gas or flat tire card and one must play a "remedy" card ("Go", repairs, gas, spare tire). If someone lays -for example- a flat tire on you and you have the "Puncture Proof" card, then you get extra points and they lose their turn, a "coup-fourré ". (which is French for "I kicked your butt". Actually, I think it's a fencing term)

I stumbled across a download for the game several years/computers ago and have installed it on each new computer as soon as I got online. I'm not for sure where one could find this same, exact game, but it should be easy enough to Google and find.

I'd be glad to send anyone the application (300kb) via email. It's really a blast to play.

Nobody Knows Me At All - The Weepies

Flying High Again

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking. You are good with your place in the world. You are confident and comfortable with who you are. Your gift is having a way with words. You know how to express yourself well. You are inspired by what is possible. Real life is often too ordinary for you. It's very easy for you to feel happy. You can find peace with any situation.

The Personality Test at 35,000 Feet

Hotmail out of Synch

Got this in my main Hotmail inbox earlier today. Basically, it means I cannot use my OE program to access any of my HM addys after June 30.

I've always liked using my Outlook Express even though I've been told and have read there are better email clients. Not for sure now, but signing in to a HM acct. via OE was the same as signing into one's Passport, thereby keeping them valid (and with the old 30mb limit on uploads to Groups) OE was one of the first programs I learned to use and it was comforting to have something that seldom caused trouble. (for me, anyway)

Not for sure I will like the new LiveMail; have already d/l the program but have yet to install. Instead, I expect I will start using and accessing my main GMail acct with my Thunderbird program, so to all my email pals, be on the lookout for my mail explaining the change of address. I've been trying to use my Firefox browser more and more, but there are a few sites that require Internet Explorer. (my LaunchCast radio/video website/subscription, for one)

The msg. boards around the 'net are already full of angry people; add those to the ones who already hate Microsoft and that means nearly everyone.

Here's the mail:

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Dear Microsoft Outlook Express customer,

Thank you for using Microsoft® Outlook® Express. Our information indicates that you use Outlook Express to access a Windows Live™ Hotmail® e-mail account via a protocol called DAV (Distributed Authoring and Versioning protocol). DAV, like POP3 or IMAP, is the way that a mail client communicates with a web-based mail server.

As a valued customer, we want to provide advanced notice that as of June 30, 2008, Microsoft is disabling the DAV protocol and you will no longer be able to access your Hotmail Inbox via Outlook Express. As an alternative, we recommend that you download Windows Live Mail, a free desktop e-mail client that has the familiarity of Outlook Express and much more. This next generation of free e-mail software will allow you to easily manage multiple e-mail accounts—including Windows Live Hotmail, plus other e-mail accounts that support POP3/IMAP. Better yet, Windows Live Mail integrates well with other Windows Live services, and downloads in minutes. After you provide your user name and password, you will automatically be linked to your Hotmail account, providing continued access to your email and contacts.

We encourage you to download Windows Live Mail at http://microsoft.msn.com/.

And, to make your transition smoother, we've provided answers to frequently asked questions below.

Again, thank you for your use of Outlook Express and we are confident that you'll be just as delighted with the new Windows Live Mail.

Your Windows Live Mail team

Frequently asked questions:

Why are we disabling DAV?

DAV is a legacy protocol that is not well suited for client access to large inboxes. Over time, as we've provided more e-mail storage to our users—and now offer 5GB inboxes for free—a more efficient access protocol is needed.

What are we replacing DAV with?

We have developed a new, much more efficient protocol called DeltaSynch that is far superior to DAV especially for large e-mail inboxes. It enables email clients to only download changes since the last time the client polled the email server for changes. This is much more efficient and high performing than having to download all the headers in every folder as is the case with DAV.

Is DeltaSynch compatible with Outlook Express?

The new protocol unfortunately is NOT supported by Outlook Express and support would require too many changes to the Outlook Express software.

Is there a different or new mail client I can try that uses DeltaSynch?

Microsoft is providing Windows Live Mail, a free e-mail client that has the familiarity of Outlook Express and much more. This free, next generation email client enables users to easily manage multiple e-mail accounts including Windows Live Hotmail and other e-mail accounts that support POP3/IMAP. Windows Live Mail also integrates well with other Windows Live services, is optimized to work with Windows Live Hotmail, and offers:

Offline mail

Windows Live Hotmail account aggregation for those users with multiple Hotmail accounts

Account aggregation for POP and IMAP mail accounts

Rich photo-sharing capabilities

Advanced search via integration with Desktop Search

Safety tools (Anti-Virus scanning, anti-phishing, anti-spam features across aggregated accounts for customers who do not have an Anti-Virus product)

Integration with Windows Live services including Windows Live Spaces

RSS (Real Simple Syndication) feed aggregation

Ability to send SMS (short message service) text to a mobile phone from Windows Live Mail

Where can I download the new Windows Live Mail client?

You can download the new client at http://get.live.com/wlmail/overview.

Microsoft respects your privacy. To learn more, please read our online Privacy Statement.
Microsoft Corporation, One Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA 98052

Twist & Shout - The Beatles

New York 1965

Pin-up Girls

A cool feed/gadget.

Always have liked this old pinups (although I've noticed a few photos mixed in the ones I've looked through) and a few years ago was pleased to discover that my online pal Garazon enjoyed them too.

State prison guard shortage 'critical'

NOTE: I've noticed quite a few "hits" on this from Google searchs. Sorry, but the link is no longer valid. The Houston Chron. does archive their articles, so perhaps you can find it there. Sorry for the inconvenience.

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From the online Houston Chronicle

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AUSTIN — The Neal prison in Amarillo has so few guards working these days that Dorothy Barfoot, a correctional officer, often finds herself working alone in a dorm with 80 to 100 male felons. Sometimes she gets so scared her knees shake.

"Usually there should be two (correctional officers with me), at least," said the 13-year veteran.

But the prison can't find enough people to do the job of guarding inmates in Amarillo or anywhere else.

The Texas prison system is short more than 4,300 guards, with 17 percent of its full-time security positions unfilled. Nearly one in five of the state's 106 prisons operates with fewer than 75 percent of its correctional guards.

Far-flung Fort Stockton, the worst-staffed unit, operates with 59 percent of its correctional officers.

Barfoot's lockup in Amarillo operates with 76 percent of its alloted guard positions.

The prison system has 34 percent fewer guards today than when seven Texas inmates pulled off an escape at the Connally Unit in South Texas in 2000, even though its inmate population has grown 5 percent since then, to 153,000.

Testifying before a legislative hearing last month, Texas Prison Board Chairman Brad Livingston called the guard shortage "critical."

To deal with the shortage, the prison board recently approved a 10 percent emergency raise for new employees, bringing starting salaries to $25,000 a year and $1,500 signing bonuses for those taking jobs at the hardest-to-staff units.

The raises were an attempt to address the fact that Texas guards earned the second-lowest salaries in the nation, according to the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees.

The turnover rate for first-year correctional staff is 43 percent.

The signing bonuses were a recognition that staffing shortages are as much about geography as about pay.

Texas prisons were built in some of the most out-of-the-way areas of the state.

Thirteen of the 15 prisons with the most severe guard shortages are in towns with fewer than 15,000 people.

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The article also brings up the Dalhart prison, and then there is a msg. board at the bottom of the page. That's what I always find interesting; the reactions of people to these types of topics.

Personally, I wouldn't work in a prison for the new starting salary. Oh, I suppose I would, if there wasn't a single thing left I could work at, but in my opinion, that starting salary needs to be raised again, perhaps doubled. They'd have to quadruple it for me to consider hiring on.

Life in a Northern Town

Heard this song a week or so ago on the country music station and couldn't remember who had released the earlier version.

Here's (Wiki Warning!) The Dream Academy version, released in 1985



Wiki - for what it's worth - explains about the song.

Here's the Sugarland version, just as I saw it on CMT.

Scary Psychological Test

From the inbox:
___________

Read this question, come up with an answer, and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right - including me.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, She believed him to be her dream and she fell in love with him right there but did not ask for his number and no matter how hard she tried she could not find him.

A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?



Give this some thought before you answer.


(Scroll Down)
















Answer:

She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly - good for you.

If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my email list unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.

__________

I was thinking something along the lines that he was her nephew, fathered by.... whoever. Then I gave up and scrolled down.

Who's Sorry Now - Connie Francis

It's worth more than I thought

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

It's worth more than I put into it, anyway.

'71 8-Man Regional Championship

There has been such a demand for me to post the video of the game, I decided I'd cut the excess out, divide the file in half (ten minute limit on uploaded vids) and let the entire world see how good we were.

Well, there's been ONE person wanting it, anyway.

"Good" is subjective, I suppose. It's like that old hound dog my pop used to own; the more years since it died, the better the dog got.

Women Rule!

They do, and most especially in McLean, TX.

What Nut Are You?

You Are a Hazelnut

You are very unique and distinct. You may even freak some people out. Most people don't really know how to interact with you. You get along best with anyone who is super sweet. But you really do get along with almost anyone. You just need a chance to wow them.

What Nut Are You?

Be Sure and Vote!

No, not in any upcoming primary election, it's much more important than that!

Please take the time to vote in the current ToTG poll in the right-hand column.

The choices are: (and you can pick more than one)

Mike's fantastic photos

Mike's sparkling wit

Mike's taste in music

There's a best part?

I like pie.

Another Saturday Night - Cat Stevens

Cat Stevens, singin' 'bout my life. (sigh)

Please Sign This Petition

A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure.

Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.

If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is one of those times.

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy' where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.

Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.

PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the Web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

Thank You in advance.

Sign the Petition

(note: I know this was from last month, but every now 'n then there's something that DESERVES a "bump". In fact, I'm going to "post-date" it so it will be at the top for a few more days)

Chain of Fools - Aretha Franklin

Does Drudge Fudge?

Maybe I'll be the first on the 'net to have noticed this, not that that would be any great achievement. Maybe it's a scoop of some sort, though, huh?

This is presently at the very top of The Drudge Report (home page)

THANKS FOR MAKING MARCH '08 THE BIGGEST MONTH IN THE DRUDGEREPORT'S 13 YEAR HISTORY!

MAIN PAGE LOADED 590,943,577 TIMES... TOPS MARCH 2007'S 425,371,511... TOPS MARCH 2006'S 287,443,312 ... MANY THANKS FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT... THE LOVERS AND THE HATERS... AND NEWS ENTHUSIASTS IN OVER 100 COUNTRIES!

I like Drudge and visit it every day for a fair synopsis of news. I like that he has all sorts of news, some even tending to the bizarre but true things that happen in this world. My momma also liked Drudge.

The numbers posted made me wonder about something, though. I know the page has an auto-refresh script; I timed it several times and it was three minutes from entering, then the page refreshed.

The website updates frequently, so I can understand the reasoning behind having that particular script. I've used it for various and sundry reasons in some of my own crude and amateurish pages I've made.

(I would post the source code for the auto-refresh, but you have to tinker with it to get it to render without Blogger stripping it out, just like MSN Groups)

What I'm wondering is there surely must be others like myself, who will leave it on the page after viewing the newest headlines. (most of the time, the headlines of hot topics will stay on the page, but sometimes be bumped down by the latest news) I've done it a lot over this last year, watching for election returns and news.

Anyway...

Would the several refreshes count as a single hit of those millions, or is it a new count when clicking "Back" to the Drudge home page?

I sometimes right click/open new window on certain URLs on the Drudge site such as Breitbart, because I'm always clicking away from that link to a deeper link within that website, to view a video or for some of that weird stuff I enjoy reading.

I suppose, looking at what they claim, "page loads" might very well be accurate. I'm wondering why he couldn't at least estimate "readers".

Is Drudge fudging the numbers? You know where you go for lying! (look what happened to Pres. Clinton after Drudge broke the Lewinski scandal)

Makes me wonder 'bout that, too. I get a javascript error on Drudge (they're fairly common throughout the 'net, I think). Here's a screenshot; look at the js error line number:

Thought for the Day

(only the "best" from my email archives)

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.



Piss on it and walk away.

Monkey on a Minibike

I used to have a minibike. (pop made it for me, it was a good one)

I couldn't ride this well, though.

Gift Suggestion

Something I'd love to have, because my ass sure seems chapped a lot here lately.

Taint Paint

(from the website)

Use Taint Paint's all natural mixture of bees wax,
coconut oil, almond oil and vitamin E to combat:

Mechanic’s ass
Trucker’s Butt
Chaped Chode
Torn up Taint
Athlete’s Chafe
Asshole Casserole
Diaper Rash (Both Infant and Elderly)
Farmer’s Crack
Swamp ass (Swass) and Crotch
Over Sexed Grundel
Raw Booty
Niagra Balls
Tender Haunches-
And any other rubbed or sore area.
For External Use Only

I've had all of those.(at one time or 'nother)

Remember, my birthday is close and Christmas isn't all that far off!

(I could use it before then, though)

Things That Must Die

My personal favorites are "Giving 110%", "Dogs in Clothes" and "Plumber's Cleavage", not that I would really compare that last with the common thought.

Things That Must Die

Somewhere Over the Rainbow-Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole

RIP "Iz"

May 20, 1959 – June 26, 1997

Pioneer Woman

In the garden of the Lovett Memorial Library in Pampa stands this lovely statue, "Pioneer Woman", a tribute to the women who helped to settle this area.

I love to sit out in the garden on nice days and look at her; she changes colors with the position of the sun, a lovely golden-brown in the morning shade to a dull saffron in the afternoon glare. The shadows of the clouds scurrying overhead diffuse the light across her face, seemingly making her change expression.

She's not beautiful, but would be more what we might say here in Texas, "a handsome woman". The babe in arms shows she's fertile and that was a necessity for anyone wanting to carve out a future here on the Golden Plains. You needed a lot of sons to help with the plowin' and a few girls to help their momma take care of the menfolk.

I had been taking photos from the left because that's the way the sun was shining and I couldn't get a good photo from the other direction.

Something was wrong, though; it wasn't just the sun, but there was something a bit odd and I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't until I got home and downloaded all these photos and really looked closely at them that I saw what was bothering me. I even went back up to the library to verify what I had seen.

Mizz Pioneer Woman really needs to blow her nose; she's got a spider nest in her left nostril.

My Destiny

Just read an article on the Amarillo.com website, Tough enough for tackles, about the possibility of a team for Amarillo in the National Women's Football League.

It's about time and no, I'm not talking equality, but for the chance of a job. A good job...no, a GREAT job.

You see, it was written long ago that I would be doing something in this particular field.

Back in h.s., the juniors and seniors had this tradition: the seniors would will "things" to the juniors. I willed my favorite parking spot and an ashtray to some of my junior buddies. In turn, the juniors would make predictions about what sort of life/jobs the seniors would have in the future.

The juniors predicted I would someday be a trainer for a woman's football team, specializing in after-practice rubdowns and shoulder pad adjustments.

I can't wait.

Blueberries with Wings

When I first started this blog, I thought it would be fun to do "reviews" of my favorite eating establishments here in town. The reviews would be tongue-in-cheek, because if I didn't like the food, I wouldn't eat at them.

When talking about places to eat in Pampa, the logical place to begin would be at the Coney Island. It's a local icon and the first place most college students on break or former residents head when they return to visit.



Local legend maintains that Woody Guthrie worked there (before it was the Coney) and performed and wrote some of his most famous songs there. The Gikas brothers owned it until a few years ago, and were famous for their ill tempers and public lambasting of the waitresses when they screwed up an order. (no tickets were written, the orders were yelled out by the waitresses and woe be unto the poor woman who didn't follow their strict instructions)

As was said, it's changed hands, and the best thing about the new ownership is that it's ever so much cleaner than it was with the previous owners. (they were too busy yelling to clean the bathroom and kitchen, I guess)

Some people rave about the food, but I believe it's no worse, no better than most any other place of its type. They serve a limited menu: hamburgers, hot dogs (coneys), chili and stew, but I'll stipulate that the pies are among the best I've ever sampled. (chocolate and lemon are my favorites)

I took my camera down there so I could take photos of my order, but I was too late to get my normal pick of pie and had to settle for what was left. I never had eaten the blueberry pie, so that's what I ordered.

I was served, and I arranged the food for my shot; nothing spectacular, but I would wager that anyone who has eaten there would recognize what I had: "two on one, deluxe ham" with the blueberry pie. (hey, I was HUNGRY!) Before I found out I was diabetic, it would've been a strawberry soda to drink, but now I settle for Diet Coke.



I snapped a few shots, decided they were good enough and started to chow down.

It wasn't until I got home and was wondering which of the photos were the best that I noticed something on my ham sandwich.



That was either a fly, or blueberries have wings.

Eggzactly Right

What Your Easter Egg Says About You

You are truly optimistic, open, and hopeful. And your optimism gives you the courage to live life adventurously. You love new experiences, ideas, and challenges. You see life as a fluid, growing process.

The Easter Egg Personality Test

High Tide

This is an animated campaign ad done by some supporters of Ron Paul. I think it's brilliantly done, and of course, the message is true...and frightening.

To view a higher resolution version, please visit the video creator's website

When I started this blog, I thought of adding more political views and commentary than I have, but decided that I would rather make it a bit more light-hearted and not so serious. I think I'll keep to the same format, but this vid impressed me so much, I couldn't help but post it.

Joegate

No, not a scandal, but a gate my friend Joe made for the entrance to his dad's place.

Old Combine at Sunset

South of Miami, Texas

Cow #189

At my friend's dad's place, just south of Miami.

I'm Off to Join the Army

The Ukranian Army, that is.



I'm not sure I've the legs for it, though.

Ruby - Kenny Rogers and the First Edition

I remember when this came out, the Vietnam War was still going strong and I was just about to start high school. It still makes me sad to hear it.

I bought the 45 with some of the first money I ever earned. My youngest sister stole it, along with my In the Year 2525 record.

The Week I Was Born

The Weekly World News ran an article about my mother.



Just kidding, but in a political forum I frequent, some doofus is making all sorts of asinine accusations about John McCain, the likely Republican nominee for President. He's now saying he thinks McCain is an alien. One might think he was kidding unless having read his other nonsensical posts.

It made me go look for those infamous issues of Weekly World News. They're hilarious, and I wonder if anyone really thinks any of the lead stories are true.

Some might, I suppose... the same ones who think pro. wrestling is real.

My granddad really WAS featured in WWN, though.

How Many of YOU?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 3 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Strange Error Message

This is a screenshot (altered a bit to get it all) I got a few minutes ago when trying to access a YouTube video.

I'm glad to see they have their team on it.